


Code Blue

by HobNobsandTea, TellMeAMarvelousStory, TheBlackadder (mercilessraven)



Series: Radioactive Heartaches [1]
Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Couch Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Kitchen Sex, Loki - Freeform, Lots of Sex, Marathon Sex, Nurses, Nurses & Nursing, Rough Sex, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-20
Updated: 2014-12-20
Packaged: 2018-03-19 07:25:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 59,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3601383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HobNobsandTea/pseuds/HobNobsandTea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellMeAMarvelousStory/pseuds/TellMeAMarvelousStory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercilessraven/pseuds/TheBlackadder
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is doing research for a new role he's going to be in playing a doctor in a hospital for a new TV series and is shadowing the medical staff of the hospital in London. When he meets a nurse an a stand off relationship turns into more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Written By: Kaiti Courts, Marian K. Welty (TheBlackadder), Jade Hagedorn, Megan O (TwistedTransistor)

 

The Scenario: Tom Hiddleston/Real Time/London

Tom is doing research for a new role he's going to be in playing a doctor in a hospital for a new TV series in just a few short months so he is a civilian volunteer for the community hospital. Shadowing nurses, candy stripers, housekeeping, and orderlies. You work at the hospital as well and see him every day at lunch in the cafeteria. You aren't really sure what to think of him, except you are slightly irritated feeling as though this entire thing is a joke, and he doesn't take the care of the sick and wounded very seriously.

One morning, your boss tells you that Tom will be shadowing and helping you with your duties and rounds for the day. You start to protest only to be told you don't have a choice in the matter and are left with a cheerful, enthusiastic, and eager Tom waiting to hear what you'll be doing first.

You begrudgingly accept your task- as a nurse; it isn't the first time you've had to do something you really didn't want to.

"It's so lovely to meet you, I'm Tom," he smiles at you as he extends his hand. You shake, noting just how strong he is.

"Good morning Tom. Are you sure you're ready for this? It's not expensive suits and elbowing with beautiful people," you respond.

Tom's face gets serious for a moment, and you start to think that maybe there's hope for him yet. "I know just how serious your line of work can be, and I have a great respect for people who do what you do. And I'm really honored to be working alongside you...even if all I'm doing is watching while you do all the hard work."

You look him in the eye as he tells you this, and you're the least bit surprised. You always thought "Hollywood" actors were just in it for the fame and money, and to see and hear someone who gets paid millions to pretend for a living, tell you he respects what *you* do is a bit stunning. His blue eyes reflect so much sincerity and trust, and you know you can't be effective as a nurse if you're holding contempt for the man who is going to shadow you all day. So you do what you know you have to do- you smile at him and say, "Get ready for an eye-opener, Tom. You will certainly learn a lot today.."

Now that the pleasantries were out of the way you felt like you needed to let him know that you weren’t going to tolerate any nonsense and this was serious. Because honestly, everything else aside, you loved what you do and you took caring for people and helping them retain their dignity very seriously.

“You need to wash your hands. Thoroughly, all the way up to your elbows.” You say looking at them. “Both before and after each patient. There are patients that need sponge baths today and their linens need to be changed. It needs to be done quickly, and it needs to be done in a way that doesn’t make the patient uncomfortable or humiliated. Got it?” Tom listens seriously giving a nod to let you know he understood. “People are sick, and they have enough to worry about without being used as some kind of ‘experiment’ or ‘lab rat’ in some actors desire to pretend to be a doctor.”

“I fully understand. I swear to you, I’m here to help not make any one uncomfortable.” He reassures you.

“We’ll see.” You say looking him over in his purple scrubs that matched yours.

“Get scrubbed up. We start rounds in 15 minutes.” You realized that you probably sounded bitchy and a little hard assed but you couldn't help it. Today was like any other day and he was like any other trainee.

Working on a pediatric ward, you needed to be able to smile through the bad news. These kids faced more in a day than you probably would in a year.

"Ok, Tom. This is a very sick little boy. His immune system is compromised by his medication, so we have to wear masks." He nods. Outside the room, there's non-latex gloves and masks that the both of you pull on. You push open the sliding door and move the curtain aside. "Morning, Jacob. How are you feeling?"

"Pukey. I threw up twice last night." There's a faint sour scent of vomit in the room.

"Did you order something light for breakfast then?"

He grins, a surprisingly jovial and innocent grin. "Popsicles!"

"Popsicles? Popsicles. Well if you can keep that down, we'll try something more substantial for lunch. "Jacob, this is Tom. He'll be shadowing me for the day."

Tom knelt down beside the bed to get eye-level with Jacob.

"Jacob, I'm so happy to meet you!" he greeted the little boy with bright eyes and a smile behind his mask.

"What does shadow mean, Nurse (y/n)?" Jacob asked.

"Shadow means, he's going to watch what I do all day, and hopefully he'll learn something," you say, with only a hint of snark. You really did mean it playfully, but as soon as the words left your lips, you couldn't help but feel like it was just a little bit of a pot shot.

Shaking it off as best you could, you got up and walked over to the portable cart to get his vital signs. You wrap the blood pressure cuff around Jacob's arm and explain, "Tom, this is the vitals cart- every room has to have one of its own in case of an emergency."

Tom nods at you as you tell him, and sits down on the bed next to Jacob.

"Jacob, are you ready to test your muscles?"

"Yeah, see if I'm stronger than yesterday!" He exclaims. The blood pressure finishes reading, and his result is low, but still in the normal range. Tom looks down at Jacob's hand to see him playing with a 

Thor action figure. The irony not lost on him, he sees his opportunity to connect with Jacob.

"My goodness, Jacob- you're the strongest boy I've ever seen! If you keep it up, you could very well keep pace with our man here!"

Jacob grins, "You know Thor? All the nurses keep asking me who he is." He says glancing at you. "How can anyone not know the mighty Thor!" He says holding up the action figure complete with his red cape and Mjonir. "God of thunder! Savor of Midgard!"

Tom grins finding that Jacob was truly a fan, “Then you’ve seen Thor, Avengers, and Thor 2?” He asks.

“Yeah! My mom bought them for me.” He says motioning to the DVD’s on his nightstand. “They let me watch it sometimes, and the other kids really like them too. But we have to share the TV so not very often.”

“Tom.” You say reminding him he was meant to be helping you not fishing for compliments. He gives a nod as you have clean sheets to change Jacobs bed linens. “Now Jacob you remember how we do this, right?”

He nods reaching over putting his action figure down rolling over as you quickly and expertly slip the current sheets off each corner pulling the new ones on, “Alright.” Jacob rolls over facing you and you motion for Tom to do what you’d just done by taking off the old sheets and pulling the new ones on just as you did.

Tom springs into action, following your lead and making sure the sheet is tucked in snugly. You gather the old ones and throw them in the laundry bag. As you double-check to make sure to got all the vitals in Jacob's chart, Tom watches over your shoulder.

"Thank you again for this. It really means a lot to be able to learn from one of the best," he says quietly in your ear.

You beam internally, feeling a huge sense of validation. But you don't want to let your guard down so easily. He *was* an actor, and it very well could be a line. You turn to him and see his bright blue eyes. He certainly looks honest enough right now.

"Thank you. But let's see if you still feel the same way by lunch- we've only just begun."

You feel two small eyes on you as you finish documenting, and you look down to see Jacob staring at the pair of you. "Do you need anything else, sweetheart?" you ask.

"Can you and Tom stay and watch Thor with me?" Your heart swells. You smile and look over your shoulder to him. Tom looks to you, then down at Jacob. He kneels down by the bed again as he replies. "I wish I could, buddy. I have to stay with Nurse (y/n) today. But maybe later on?"

Jacob looks a little disappointed but smiles and gives a nod. "Okay." He picks up his action figure raising Thor's empty hand, "For Asgard!" signing his chart for the hour you move to the next bed as Tom moves in closer to you.

“What is he in for?” He questions. “What kind of medication would compromise his immune system like that?”

“Chemo therapy. His prognosis looks promising but he’s had a rough time of it. Apparently his father couldn’t take it and walked out on them after it came back the second time leaving the mother to take care of Jacob and his two sisters.” You say softly so no one else can hear. There’s a sadness in Tom’s eyes as he looks back towards Jacob who didn’t seem sad at all. He seemed rather optimistic and happily played with his Thor doll.

“He’s dying.” Tom said softly.

“Maybe not. They don’t know yet. But we haven’t given up on him.” You look towards Jacob. “And neither has he.” You look back at Tom, “Come on.”

Moving to the next patient you come to a little girl who is laying quietly starring at the window her arm draped across her middle, “Good morning Amanda, how are you feeling today.” She doesn’t answer and just turns her eyes away back towards the window. It was quite clear that she was depressed. “This is Tom, he’s going to be helping me out today.”

“Very pleased to meet you.” He says with a smile except the mask he’s wearing is obscuring his beautiful smile.  
You start to take her vitals and ask the routine questions.

"I don't want lunch today."

"Amanda, you need to eat. You know this."

"I'm not hungry."

You sigh. "Did you eat breakfast?"

"No. I'm not hungry."

"Amanda, if you don't eat, we'll have to put the feeding tube back in."

"I hate you."

"I know but I'm only doing my job." You close the work station and motion for Tom to follow you. After removing your ppe, you close the door and sanitize your hands. "Amanda is mobile so we don't have to change her sheets. Housekeeping will when she goes for her testing this afternoon."

Tom glances at the closed door. "What's the testing for?"

You frown. "Listen, Mr. Hiddleston-"

"Tom, please."

You sigh. "Tom. I have no problem answering your questions about the job. But I cannot and will not answer anymore about the patients. We have these privacy laws. HIPAA. I can lose my job by divulging patient information. I shouldn't have with Jacob but he likes you. And I think he'll be over the moon when he finds out that you're Loki."

"I'm so sorry."

"I'll print out the information for to read on HIPAA when we get back to the nurses' station. Didn't they have you watch a video?"

"No?"

You sigh. Again. Apparently, you were going to be sighing alot today.

The two of you finish the rounds, seeing a total of seven patients by the time it was all said and done. Since your mild scolding, Tom did his best to keep his distance from the patients without being rude. As you were leaving the last patient's room, Ashlynn, you looked at him. More out of a nurse's "sixth sense" then anything else. And you didn't like what you saw.

His face was drawn, his eyes sad. The light you saw in them earlier that morning was much dimmer. You felt a pang of concern for him. "Tom? Are you all right?" You place a hand on his arm while checking on him, and he pinches the bridge of his nose. You ask again, "Tom?"

He opens his eyes and looks down at you. And you could almost swear he had tears in his eyes. His eyebrows were knitted. He looked like he was in actual pain.

"Tom, what's the matter? Are you all right?" you implore. He certainly doesn't look all right.

"How do you do this? Deal with these poor, sick children day in and day out?" Your heart clenches as he continues. "Jacob, who can't even get out of bed, Amanda who tells you she hates you, and poor Ashlynn, she- she can't even walk to the bathroom by herself. I mean, how do you make it through the day, seeing this?"

You didn't really know what to say, because you *didn't* always make it through the day with your patients. So you just tell him. "I don't always. There are days I go home from here after twelve hours and I drink an entire bottle of wine. There are other days I leave here and cry the entire drive home. I do the only thing I know to do while I'm here. And that is, tell myself they need me to be 100% for the next twelve hours. Because they do. And if I can't give them that little bit, no one else will." You explained with all the conviction you could muster. Every single word of it was true. Tom looked down at you as he processed your speech, and his expression softened. He looked down at his feet for a moment, and when he glanced back up, he looked a little better.

"They need you?" he asked. You nodded. "Some more than others, but yes. What kind of a nurse would I be if I couldn't do my job properly?"

Tom sighed, and you began to see a glimmer of hope in him. He was beginning to see that to you, this was a very serious thing- the thing you had devoted your life to. He exhaled forcefully and looked into your eyes.

"It's not all rainbows and butterflies, but it isn't all sadness and despair either. Just look at your new best friend Jacob," you laughed. Tom smiled again, and let out a small laugh. "Yes...even though I'm pretty sure he likes Thor better than Loki." Now it was your turn to laugh as you comforted him once more. "Don't undervalue yourself, Tom. You may be surprised who his favorite Prince of Asgard really is."

Tom smiled a little bit to hear that. You check your watch, “Lunch time.” Taking off your mask and gloves Tom does the same. “We have an hour then back on duty.” He gives a nod as you both wash your hands and head down to the cafeteria.

After getting your food you’re both sitting down together at a corner table. “You know, I always heard that hospital food was atrocious.” Tom says. “This is actually some rather delicious cuisine.”

“Hospital food isn’t all that bad. The patients feel like it is because most of them are on special diets their doctors put them on and often times it’s not stuff they want to eat. Therefore the end result of public opinion is that hospital food sucks.” You explain.

“Good Lord.” He says taking another bite. “Certainly makes sense though.” Tom seems to drift off lost in thought for several moments.

“What is it?” You ask curiously wondering where he went.

“Is Jacob the only Avenger fan in the pediatric ward?” He questions.

“No, the other kids all like to watch the Marvel movies too. Sometimes they play the parts when they get bored which is more often than not. Kids don’t like to stay in bed, even when they’re sick. Keeping them entertained can be quite the task.” You answer.

“I wonder if . . .” He drifts off lost in thought again.

“You wonder if? . . . . what?” You ask.

He’s gone another moment before pulling back, “No nothing. Just a thought.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “God I hate people who don’t finish their sentences.” It really was one of your pet peeves.  
“Sorry.” He half laughs, “My mind does really tend to wonder sometimes.”

"Clearly" you say. "Your mind seems to be off in Asgard rather than here on planet Earth. Or, sorry, 'Midgard'. If you really expect to learn anything while you're here, you're going to have to stop going from patient to patient and seeing if they recognize you."

Tom stops mid-chew and looks at you, his jaw tensing. After he swallows, he puts down his fork and clears his throat before looking up at you again.

"Can I be frank with you?" he asks, continuing when you nod. "You've been quite cold to me the entire morning."

Your brow furrows and you start to say something, but he cuts you off.

"Don't think I haven't noticed it. It's been smart remarks and subtle put-downs since I got here. Now, I usually try to give people the benefit of the doubt, so I let it go the first couple of times. But honestly, it's really beginning to bother me. I get the feeling that you're very irritated with me, or the fact that I'm here, or something. You can correct me if I'm wrong, and if I am in fact wrong, I sincerely apologize. But if I'm right, I'd like to know why." Tom crosses his arms as he finishes, waiting for your response.

You had kept it to yourself all day and when you realized that you were being short with him you did try to stop and reel yourself in. However he opened the door and now he was sitting here challenging you. You put down your fork and meet his stare.

“Why are you here?” You ask directly.

Tom looks like he was blindsided by the question. “Pardon?”

“Why are you here?” You ask again. He didn’t seem like he understood why you were asking him that when he’d just told you. “I’m a nurse. I’m here to help people when they’re hurt or sick. To nurse them back to health. To give them the help that they need to get through their ordeal. Sometimes healing isn’t an option and we have to simply make them the most comfortable we can until their pain ends. You? You are an actor. You aren’t here to help anyone. To make anyone’s life better, to help them because they are sick and need help. You are here to study people who are sick and the people who are helping them so you can mimic them on a camera. So you can pretend to be something you aren’t.” You lean forward towards him, “You’re being here? Is a cosmic joke. The majority of people here, doctors and nurses this is their calling. This is our calling. However glamorous Hollywood or stories makes it, I hate to tell you, the reality of it is that it’s a shitty job. People are sick, people are wounded, people are dying. Day in and day out and guess what? When you’ve done your little ‘study’ or whatever the fuck this is supposed to be, you’ll be gone. Onto your next big movie or TV role pretending to be something else you're not, and us? We’ll all still be here.” You throw your napkin down having lost your appetite and stand. “Shift starts again in half an hour. You better be at the nurses’ station and prepared to work.”

Before he could respond you turn heading out of the cafeteria leaving Tom in a stunned silence. Once you’re out in the hallway you stop feeling sick to your stomach. You didn’t like tearing people up like that, and to be honest he really didn’t deserve it. You took your own feelings, beliefs and opinions and ripped him to shreds. You immediately regret the whole scene and turn back feeling like you should apologize but stop. Shaking your head you turn around again and walk away.

As Tom sits there, a girl he'd shadowed in admitting sees him.

"Hey, you. How's life on the floor?" He looks up at her momentarily unable to keep everything of his face. "Whoa. That bad, huh?" She sits down, moving your tray to the side.

"I'm beginning to feel I made a colossal mistake." He leans back in the chair.

"Why's that?" He briefly gives her an edited rundown of what just happened. "While she was a bitch about it, she's right. So. Why are you here?"

"I wanted to be as true to the job as I could. I didn't want people to watch this movie and say I had no clue and that is rubbish."

"Because you want them to believe you're a good actor or because you feel the job deserves it?"  
He sits there and thinks about it. She looks at her watch. "I gotta go. Come by admitting and we'll do lunch sometime." He watches her walk about then glances at the digital clock on the wall. He had another 6 hours with you and he really didn't want them to be awkward and uncomfortable.

Tom took his tray to the return station and walked out of the cafeteria, looking around the lobby. He knew he had to do something to prove to you he took this seriously, that it wasn't a cosmic joke to him. But what? It's not like he had a lot of time to run out and find something. Just then he sees your boss walking out of the administration office. 'Maybe she could help me,' he thought.

"Tom? How is it going this morning? I hope (y/n) has been treating you well?" your boss Deb asks. "It's going fairly well, I'm learning a lot from her. Listen, I wanted to do something for her, as kind of a thank you. Do you know what she might like?"

Deb thinks for a minute, tapping her chin with her finger. "Well, she always did seem partial to daisies and pedicures. That might just do the trick," she said with a smile.

"That simple, huh?" Tom stated. Deb continued, "Oh yes. Nurses are not usually a selfish bunch- otherwise they wouldn't be nurses, would they? No, Ive heard her talk about how excited she was to just sit and have a glass of wine and a pedicure on her weekends off."

Tom grinned down at Deb, so grateful for her help. "Is there a place nearby she likes to go?"

"There's one about two blocks down, and if you hurry," Deb said, looking at her watch, "you might make it back in time to finish the shift with her."

"Thank you so much, Deb, I really appreciate it!" Tom exclaimed as he took off out the front door of the hospital, eager to get his gift together.

You, on the other hand, were not feeling nearly so spry. You had made yourself sick with what you said at lunch. As you sat in the employee lounge holding your head in your hands, trying to fend off what you knew would be a massive headache by mid afternoon, you kept playing your little speech over and over in your head. And all you could see was his face dropping every single time. You were so embarrassed. And you still had six more hours to go. That is, if he didn't request to be put with another nurse. Hell, he would probably demand it after your little show in the cafeteria.

You pulled an icepack from the freezer in the lounge and draped it over the back of your neck. Maybe this would help stem the growing pounding in your head. You looked at the clock, groaning when you realized your lunch was over. 'Maybe it won't be so bad...maybe he'll forget what you told him at lunch. Yeah, and maybe a squad of flying monkeys will fly into the hospital and take it over,' you thought to yourself, laughing at your own ridiculous thought.

You walked out of the lounge not fully prepared to face Tom again, and walked up to the nurses' station. He wasn't there. 'Shocking...' you thought, knowing you probably scared him away. You waited another couple minutes, and nothing. You had been feeling bad for him, but now you were getting a little irritated again. If he were going to bail on you, you at least would have thought he would tell you. And if not him, someone. You drummed your fingers on the counter impatiently as you heard the elevator ding. And when you saw Tom get off the elevator, your eyes doubled in size and your jaw nearly hit the floor.

Tom is carrying a big bouquet of yellow and white daisies in a smiley face vase in one hand, and on his other arm is a massive basket full of cookies, cakes, candy and other goodies. He rushes over to the nurses station putting the things down on the counter. “Sorry! Sorry! I know I’m late, the elevator car took forever to answer the call." he says washing his hands getting a mask and a pair of gloves.

You’re a little stunned looking at the wide array of gifts he’d brought with him. “Uh. What is all this?” You question.

“Oh. Well, I thought that the nurses on this floor needed a treat. You know, something to brighten their day and get them through their shift, but this.” He picks up the smiley vase full of daises handing it to you. “This is for you.” You take it starring at the flowers wide eyed. You look at him quite confused not understanding this when at lunch, the last time you saw him, you ripped him a new one. It wasn’t the sort of behavior that would warrant flowers. However before you could speak Tom stops you. “You’re right.” He begins seriously. “Everything you said was spot on. I am just an actor. What I do couldn’t hold a candle to the things you do for other people every single day. I watched you with your patients this morning. The young ones, the adult ones. You really care about them. Even Amanda who insists she hates you.” He paused a moment, “I apologize, unreservedly if you feel my being here seems to cheapen what you and your peers do in anyway. It couldn’t be further from my intentions. I admire you. All of you for the work you do. I don’t think, to be truthful, I would have what it takes to do all the things you do.”

You just stare at him, properly speechless. What in the world did you say to all of that?

All you could do was blink at Tom as he stood in front of you. You couldn't even find words, let alone the right ones. Or more importantly, the ones to apologize to him for the way you raked him over the coals at lunch. "Um...I don't...I don't know what to say." you stutter. You feel a pair of nosy eyes on you, and look over to see Madge, the nursing secretary staring at the pair of you. You may not know what you want to say just yet, but you know you don't want to say it in front of the floor gossip queen. So you pull Tom into an empty patient room by the elbow.

You shut the door and place the vase on the vanity counter. You look down into the sink with your back to Tom, searching for any words to say to him. You look up into the mirror to see his eyes on you. You can tell he doesn't have a clue what to think. You take a deep breath as you turn around and look up at him. 'God, he's tall,' you think. All you can say is the only thing you've been sick about for the last 45 minutes. "I'm so sorry."

Tom starts to interject, "No it's fine," but you're not having any of it. "No, it isn't. What I said to you was so unfair, and I didn't even give you a chance to explain yourself- I just got up and walked away," you continue, your hands nervously flipping about. "Please don't take what I said to heart. You've done nothing but be kind to me and my patients all morning...I don't even think I deserve these flowers, to be honest." You couldn't hide your nervous energy, and Tom couldn't hide the fact that he was smiling down at you.

You caught his smile as you looked up at him from all your stuttering and regret. You offered up your own little half-smile as you saw his.

"Can you ever forgive me?" you ask with pleading eyes.

And Tom does what you were afraid would never happen- he stretches out his arms to you for a hug. You all but fall into them, afraid he would say no, and make the rest of your time together even worse. You were so grateful, and wrap your arms around him in return. And though you couldn't be sure, you thought you heard him breathe you in for a moment. After a moment, he says quietly in your ear, "All is forgiven, darling." You tighten the hug and respond with a whispered, "thank you," and the two of you begin to separate. And as you do, he catches your gaze. Something in it had changed, but you couldn't quite put your finger on it. There was a slight spark in the air suddenly, and you pulled away with a quiet gasp.

"We should, um...go and..uh--" "--check on your patients?" "Yes, we should do that. Jacob is almost due for another dose of something, I'm sure." You finally gather your thoughts, grabbing the vase from the counter and reaching for the door handle.

Four staff stand outside in the smoking area on their cigarette break. Tom has been hovering around the hospital from station to station for almost two weeks now. Opinions seem to be going in different ways. “I don’t know, he seems eager enough.” Jason says taking a long drag off his cigarette. “I mean, he does what he’s told, catches on fast.”

“Because he’s studying for a part.” Jessica responds. “Not because he really wants to help these people. Not because he’s working on advancing his career. This is absolute nonsense. They’re only letting him get away with it because of how much his production company is paying the hospital.”

“We have volunteer workers all the time.” Mary chimes in. “He’s no different, he’s just . . . you know, got other reasons for being here. But he does help people. He’s been spending a lot of time in the pediatric ward with the kids. He seems to want to do what he can to cheer them up.”

“Did you hear? One of the nurses on the pediatric ward ripped him a new one about making a mockery of what we do, that his being in the hospital at all was a joke. How does he respond? He gets a wheelbarrow of goodies and gifts to bring to the nurses on the floor, and brought the one who chewed him out a giant bouquet of daisies and a coupon for a spa day.” Rachel added.

“Jesus.” Jessica said. “Not exactly a normal human reaction. Unless he just excelled at suck up and brown nosing 101. He has to know that a lot of the staff had the same opinion of his being here. Why else would he be buying gifts and everything else under the sun to gain favor.”

“Puft. Who knows. But he’s only supposed to be here a few more weeks then he goes to start filming his TV show.” Mary said.

“I heard that there is talk they’re going to be filming the show here.” Jason said. The three women quieted and looked at him in disbelief. “Depends on how much they’re planning on shilling out for that.”

“Oh great. As if we aren’t busy enough and he’s not underfoot already.” Mary exclaimed.

“It’s probably just gossip. Come on, this is a serious business. They aren’t going to let a bunch of actors get in the way when we have people who are really sick and injured that need help. That’s just asinine.” Rachel said.

Jessica checked her watch and crushed out her cigarette. “Times up. We’ve got to get back to work.” The others took a few last drags from their cigarettes putting them out as well before all four of them went back into the hospital.

“He just better stay away from me. That’s all I gotta say.” Mary said.

“If he’s assigned to us we don’t have much of a choice.” Rachel said as they went inside.

The nurses seated at the nurse's station look up at you as you come out of the break room. Tom's high pitched laughter comes from Jacob's room. Out of all the kids, he'd really connected with him. They talked about superheroes and boy stuff for hours.

"He's back?"

Maggie nods. "He walked onto the floor just after you went to lunch."

"I think it's cute." One of the other nurses crosses her arms over her chest.

"I never said it wasn't." You sanitize your hands, put on gloves and a mask. The closed door whooses as it opens. The reverse air pressure makes a sort of seal. "He look is my favorite nurse."

You smile but you notice the circles under Jacob's eyes are just a tad darker than when you hooked up his IV infusion. "Hey Jake. You feeling ok?"

He smiles up at you. "No, I feel kinda pukey but Tom's been telling me stories about when he played rugby in school."

You check his vitals and the way his pupils react and his tongue. Tom watches you, his mirth slowly fading as you continue your serious ministrations. "Ok, buddy. You know the drill. Call us if you start feeling worse." You give Tom a significant look as you leave.

A few minutes later, Tom joins you in the hall. "Is he alright?"

You both take off your PPE. "He's had his monthly chemo infusion. He's going to be a very sick little boy for the next few days."

"So . . . I should not stop by and visit." He looks down at the floor. He hadn't expected to form a bond but he loved kids. And this kid was pretty special.

"No, I think when you come visit, you should check in with us before going to his room. If he's feeling up for it, you can visit. If not, then you save it for another time."

He nods. "I can definitely do that." He glances up and down hall to make sure you're alone. "I'm only here for 2 more weeks. After that, I'd love it if you'd go for a drink with me."

You blink at him. "I uh, I don't drink, Tom."

"Then a coffee? You've been one of the most helpful people I've shadowed. And the most real."

You glance up the hall looking for rescue but they're just watching you two through the mirrored dome. "I guess."

You start to turn to walk away but stop turning back and looking at Tom. Maybe you had some ideas how his motives about being here but one thing you have learned was that he wanted to make other people happy, to see them smile, to bring them joy. Reaching out you take his arm and pull him into the records room closing the door a moment and he looks at you curiously.

“Tom,” You start slowly, “I know that you’ve become very fond of Jacob and I think it’s obvious he’s fond of you. He’s a very smart and perceptive little boy I’m surprised that he hasn’t figure out who you are yet. He ever gets you side by side with one of those Marvel movies the jigs definitely up.” You begin not knowing how to tell him. “But Tom . . . you have to know something. His cancer has come back twice when they thought they had gotten it all. They thought it was in remission. It’s a very aggressive form of cancer.” You pause again looking down. “We like to stay positive around the children, we like to maintain hopes no matter what but . . . in cases like this . . . .”

Tom closes his eyes lowering his head. “He’s not going to get better then, is he.”

You close your eyes taking a breath not wanting to say it out loud. There was nothing worse than watching a child die of cancer. “Miracles do happen, Tom. . . . just . . . not as often as stories and movies would have you believe. Not as often as we would like them too.” You say honestly.

Tears well in Tom’s eyes as he fights to hold them back, a tight knot in his throat. “But he’s responding to his treatment . . . . isn’t he? This time, he’s . . . it’s working?”

“For now. Like I told you before. He hasn’t given up yet, and neither have we.” You say softly. Tom gives a nod. You feel a twinge in your heart seeing quite clearly that his feelings and emotions for the boy weren’t made up, and they weren’t put on. He really did care and feel deeply about Jacob. Looking down a moment you turn and leave the records room to give Tom a moment to collect himself.

“Some days I hate this fucking job.” You say with a sigh under your breath.

You collected yourself as you left the records room, being far too familiar with what you were feeling. But you could hear Tom through the door, and it was evident he wasn't taking the news well. You pushed in in the handle, and, taking a deep breath to steady yourself again, you entered the room, not sure what state you would find Tom in. But you should have known.

He was leaned up against the racks, his head tilted back looking at the ceiling. With wet cheeks and red eyes. His hair was mussed like he'd been pulling on it. One hand covered his mouth as the other supported his elbow. He didn't even hear you come in- he had just sensed you standing there. He sniffled as his head dropped over to look at you. And it was just about all you could take of this scene. Tom had proved himself a pretty intelligent man, with the ability to make a sound decision. But seeing him like this, reduced to tears over something he could control? It almost broke you.

You reached out to him, unaware of the fact that you had even closed the space between you two, and pulled him close. It was all you could think to do- he needed to be comforted. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed tight, dropping his head onto your shoulder. A strange instinct kicked in and you started rocking back and forth, shushing him quietly like he was a young child himself. "It's all right, Tom. It'll be okay." It wasn't an admission that Jacob would be okay- it was more confirmation that what he was feeling was okay. And at the moment, it was all you could give him.

After a little while Tom seems just to hug you back and is feeling better. Which only really makes you feel worse. “I owe you an apology.” You say with a sigh. Tom reaches up brushing his eyes lightly before lifting his head looking at you.

“What for?” He asks a bit confused.

You look into his eyes a moment, “For being the loudest bitch and attitude problem about your being here.” He might as well knew it. If he did one more nice thing for you, you were going to smoother yourself with a pillow from the guilt. “A lot of people . . . . not just actors I mean, we get volunteers in here too that are all about ‘showing’ they care rather than caring. There are people actually in this field of work that are just here for a paycheck.” You turn your eyes down, “I’ve apparently worked here long enough I’ve become a bit jaded and cynical.”

A small smile appeared on Tom’s lips while you were talking and you look at him furrowing your brow not aware you were saying anything amusing. Realizing you might be taking his look the wrong way he takes your hand in his. “The people you’re describing are ‘jaded’ and ‘cynical’. From what I’ve seen you couldn’t be further from it. You’re very protective of those in your care, those who need help. As all care workers should be of those in their charge.” He kisses your hand gently looking into your eyes with a smile. “I believe we get off in an hour don’t we?” He questions.

You look at your watch and give a nod. “If there’s no emergencies.”

“Will you still let me buy you a drink? Even if still in your scrubs?” He questions.

You give him a look, “I have street clothes, Mr. Hiddleston.” You’d been thinking about his request since he asked you and really you weren’t sure if you should agree to it. It felt like you’d been waging a one man war on him when he wasn’t even aware there was a battle to begin with. “Yeah, if you’re willing to wait for me to change after I clock out.” He grins and kisses your cheek still holding your hand. “Uh . . . rounds?” You remind him feeling a little funny about stealing away in a closet with him on more than one occasion today, God you really hoped no one noticed. Taking your hand back carefully you open the door and he follows you back out into the hallway.

You grab your bag and sling it across your shoulder. You hadn't planned on going out after your shift so you were in jeans and a tee from the last 5K you did.

Tom waited for you at the nurse's station. You repressed the sigh. Great. Now the entire wing would gossip all night and there'd be rumors tomorrow.

"Ready?"

"Yea. There's a bar just off campus that has fantastic pretzel fries and Guinness on tap."  
"Sounds wonderful."

Maggie grins at her computer screen. "Hot date, Nurse Ratchet?"

"Oh fuck." You grin and flip her off. Taking Tom's arm in your hand, you steer him toward the elevator.

"Something wrong?" Tom frowns.

"We're just lucky it was only Maggie at the desk. Good thing she's my friend."

"Why's that?"

"We're going out for a drink. We've been in the records room twice together. You do the math."

"You're worried they'll think something elicit is going on."

"Bingo, Ringo."

He laughs. "Am I so hideous that you wouldn't want something elicit to happen?"

The elevator doors open. You two ride down to the lobby. You make sure to keep your distance. "No, Tom, you're not. And you know that." You walk to your car. "It's nice enough that we'll walk."

"That will give me time to pick your brain."

"For?"

"Why did you become a nurse?"

You walk side by side through the parking lot. "I was a sick kid. Born premature with a bad heart and low lung function. I was in and out of the children's hospital most of my life. My parents worked and I had an older brother and eventually a younger brother that they had to raise. So when I'd have to be admitted for more than a day or two, the nurses got me through it. The doctors dictated testing and care but the nurses cared for me. I had some really great ones."

"And you wanted to do that for another child."

"Exactly."

Tom opens the door to the bar and waves you in ahead of him. He has noticed you're attractive and those jeans flatter your behind and legs.

"Did you want to be an actor as a kid?" You slid into a table. The pleasant evening air and the walk over has increased your appetite. "I'm suddenly starving. "

"Me too. You guys walk alot. If I had known that, I wouldn't have gone for a run this morning."

"You're a runner?"

"Oh yes. You?" 

"No, I'm a cyclist."

The waitress takes your drink and appetizer orders. "Back to my first question. Did you always want to be an actor?"

Tom's eyes light up as he answers you. "No, not as a child. I just liked making people laugh. And then I found Shakespeare, and I fell in love with it at thirteen. And I wanted to bring life to those characters. I saw what Leonardo DiCaprio did in Romeo and Juliet, and I was mesmerized- the colors, the settings, the everything."

As he tells you more, you couldn't help but watch him. His hands moving all around telling his story, his face expressing everything with emotion. And somehow he kept that enthusiasm up all night, even when listening to you as he asked you questions. The two of you talked about everything- being middle children, what made you wait up in the morning, his favorite kind of tea, your favorite kind of chocolate. "To be fair, all chocolate is the best kind of chocolate," he says to you.

You sat there with him for almost two hours, before looking at your watch and deciding, "Tom, it's almost 9pm, I've got to get into bed soon if I'm expected to be functional in the morning." He nodded at you, and added, "That's probably a good idea. I'm guessing I should do the same."

"You should if you want to survive day two!" You laughed at him. The server brings the checks around and you settle up, and grab your bag and walk out of the bar back toward the hospital.

As you walk back to your car, you felt Tom looking at you with a bit more intensity. You looked back up at him and inquired, "What? What are you looking at?" with a smile on your face. "Nothing, darling," he grinned back. You faced forward again, but kept an eye on him with a small grin. He walked you back to your car, and you unlocked it and threw your bag into the passenger seat.

"I liked this." Tom said to you. You paused getting into the driver's seat at his words. You smiled and bit your lip. "I did too. Thank you." After a moment, you broke the silence with a quiet, "I'll see you in the morning, Tom." "Bright and early," he responded as you slid into your seat. He pushed your door shut and waved one final time before you started the ignition and he walked back inside to wait for the ride to his hotel.

Twelve hours ago you were rolling your eyes and sighing at the thought of this stranger following you around, interfering with your patients. Now you couldn't quite get the way he looked at you out of your head. You shook it to try and remove the thought, but it wasn't quite working. You sighed again, and pulled out of the parking lot for home.

The next morning as Tom rode up the elevator with several of the other nursing staff, they seemed to be talking amongst themselves and starring at him. To be honest, he was getting used to that kind of behavior since the Avengers took off. But this wasn’t so much being awe struck by seeing a movie star mumbling so much as hot gossip muttering. One of the girls said something and all of them started to giggle. He arched a brow as the car opened and everyone got off.

Going to his locker that he’d been given for his time there he put his things away and pulled his scrubs on. “Woh.” One of the male nurses said coming in with two others. “There’s the guy who likes a challenge. Never thought anyone could get under Nurse Hardass’s skin.”

“Sorry?” Tom said not quite understanding. “Nurse who?” They just seemed to laugh amongst themselves and go on about their business. “This is starting to seem somewhat like primary school.” Tom said arching a brow closing his locker.

Tom stood at the nurse’s station patiently waiting for you. It seems you had gotten there early and had already started rounds. There were still individuals starring at him as they passed and then talking of him as soon as they were out of ear shot. It was all very strange.

When you came around the corner Tom arched his brows seeing how lovely you looked this morning. Your hair was done beautifully, and it seemed your cheeks were positively glowing. “Good morning.” You say with a small smile.

“And a very good morning to you lovely lady.” He says smiling back.

“Don’t get cute, we’ve got work.” You say handing him the chart clipboard. “Come on. Rounds.” You turn and he quickly follows after you.

"You've already done a couple?" Tom asks after examining the clipboard. "I have, I got here earlier than normal. The traffic wasn't as bad as usual for some reason," you replied. You came to a stop in front of Jacob's room, and Tom's eyes get a little brighter. "Oh, you haven't done Jacob yet?" he asked with a smile. "Tom, do you really think I'd be so dense as to check on Jacob without you with me? That little boy would refuse to speak to me, I'm sure," you said with a laugh.

The two of you slipped your masks on as you entered the room and saw Jacob sitting up in the bed playing with his Thor action figure. "Good morning, Jacob," you greeted him as he looked up to you from his spot. "Good morning Nurse Ka- TOM! You're back!!" he exclaimed

“Hey there sport!” Tom said going over to the side of the bed. “Are you feeling better today?”

“Yes, much. I had jello this morning.” He reported proudly.

“It stayed down?” You ask as you begin to check his vitals taking his pulse.

“Yes.” He says to you simply before looking back at Tom, “Did you bring him? Did you bring your Loki action figure?” He asks anxiously.

“Actually I have, he’s in my locker. I thought if you were feeling alright I could bring him to play at lunch?” He questions glancing at you. You give a nod letting him know that Jacob’s vitals were good and if he was eating food that was staying down there was no reason he couldn’t.

“That’s great! I wanted to get a Loki too but the stores are always sold out of him.” Jacob admitted straightening Thor’s cape.

“Really?” Tom says with an ‘ehehehehe’. You give him a look and he clears his throat looking back at Jacob.

“You’re looking pretty good today Jacob.” You report taking off your stethoscope putting it around your neck. “We’ll see about getting you something more substantial then Jello, and see how to go from there. Alright?”

You make a few notes in his chart before you start to turn to leave. Instantly Jacob frowns looking at Tom, “Are you going already?”

“I’ve got to, but I’ll be back at lunch break, I promise.” Tom says sincerely. Jacob smiles and nods. Tom follows you back into the hallway hurrying to keep step with you. “Is he really doing better?” He questioned.

“Yes.” You say with a nod, “His blood count is up a bit this morning which is a good sign and he hasn’t vomited since yesterday.”

Tom grins, “That’s wonderful.”

The two of you walk for a few moments before you could hardly stand it anymore and had to say it, “You really have a doll of yourself in your locker? Really?”

“He asked me to bring it. I have the full set from each movie but he insisted on the Loki from the dark world. Apparently he thinks the horns are silliness personified.” He admits.

“Well isn’t that the main consensus of anyone who sees them?” You question. “They don’t even make Thor wear a helmet for more than like . . . . a minute in the first movie.”

He arches his brows, “You’ve seen them then?” He questioned. “The movies?”

“Yes. Jacob has run them nonstop. The entire floor is very familiar with Thor and the rest of his gang.” You say with a sigh. “This kid would run rings around Marvel’s PR department.”

Tom can't help himself once he'd found out you'd seen the movies. "So, what did you think? Do you like them?" he asked. You looked up at him with a small smile. "Yes...I did enjoy them," you admit a little reluctantly. Tom's questioning face turned up into a grin and he continued, "You did? Did you watch them with Jacob, is that how you saw them?" You closed your eyes in a small twinge of embarrassment, and nodded. Tom only grinned wider at the thought of the scene, and took hold of you by your upper arms. "I'm so glad you liked it, really, I am," he told you.

You couldn't help but smile at him- he was grinning like an idiot at your confession. "Stop it, it's not a big deal," you stammered. "It's a very big deal to me...you liked my movie, my character. The one I got to build from the ground up." "I couldn't very well tell Jacob 'no', not that night when he asked me."

"What do you mean?" Tom asked. Your mind traveled to that evening as you told Tom the story.

"Well...it was a few months ago. Jacob had been admitted for a round of chemo, and things had gotten particularly ugly between his parents the night before. You remember me telling you how his dad left?" Tom nodded. "Well, his sister were at friends' houses, his mother was working a double shift, and his father was God-Knows-Where. He had just gotten the first Thor for his birthday, and he wanted to watch it with someone....but there wasn't anyone. It's all he wanted. All that little boy wanted was a friend to watch his favorite movie with him. So, when my shift ended, I stayed and watched it with him. And he was so happy, Tom. I wish you could have seen it," you finish as you look up to him.

Tom had a hand over his chest and a quiet smile on his face. You waved your hand through the space between you, as if to wave the story away and said, "Anyway, it's not a big deal. Like I said, these are my patients. And I would do whatever I could for them." "On the contrary, I think it's a very big deal, darling. I don't know many people who would do something like that," Tom argued as he took your hands. "Thank you. You have no idea what it means to me that you liked my performance. Truly."

You squeeze his hands back and respond with a very sincere, "You're welcome," and a smile. At this rate with the amount of smiling you had some over the last 36 hours, you were going to look like you had started sleeping with a hanger in your mouth.

The break room happened to be full when you went on lunch. The intense, excited chatter ceased the moment you opened the door. You look back out it to make sure that Tom disappears into Jacob's room.

You close it then place your hands on your hips.

"Look. We have to work together after he leaves." You jerk your thumb in the direction of Jacob's room. "Don't let some Hollywood actor make you forget that we are coworkers. So knock off the gossip."

"But you did go out with him?"

"We went for a drink last night."

"Any other plans?"

"Other than being nice? No."

You grab your sandwich and your yogurt from the fridge. You leave your coworkers in the room and make your way outside to eat your lunch in the sun

Later that evening you’re sitting at the nurses station updating some of the logs for the day when Tom comes around the corner, “Hey, hey, hey.” He says excitedly holding his phone in his hand leaning over the counter, “Can I talk to you for a minute?”

You arch a brow looking up at him, “Sure.”

“No, I mean in private.” He says motioning towards the door.

You glance over to the other nurses whose ears were perked trying to act like they weren’t listening. “Why?” His smile fades a little bit looking towards the other nurses who immediately went back to work.

“I guess . . . . well I guess it could wait until we clock out.” He says with a disappointed hung puppy dog look. You sigh putting your pen down standing and going into the records room as his smile returns and he hurries in after you closing the door.

“Oh, you better have won the lottery.” You warn him crossing your arms.

“Even better.” He holds up his phone showing it to you, “I haven’t brought it to the hospital yet, or told anyone else. I wanted to bring it to you first because I didn’t want you to feel like I was going around you or anything, and I didn’t want to spring it on you at the last minute . . . . .”

You hold up your hand to stop his raving and he quiets, “What is it?”

A bright smile sweeps his face and he takes a breath to settle down somewhat, “I just got off the phone with the production people at Marvel, after having already talked to Chris Hemsworth . . .” You just stare at him for a moment, “My co-star, Thor. The blonde muscle one.”

“Seen the movie, got it.” You say wanting to know where this was going.

“Well, he’s willing to fly out here and the production company says they’ll allow us brief use of our Dark World costumes, and I thought it would be pretty neat for Jacob and the rest of the pediatric wing if Thor and Loki came and paid them a short visit.” He says, “And maybe Lady Sif, Jaimie hasn’t gotten back to me yet she had to check her schedule.” You just stare at him in silence. After a minute he’s a little unnerved by your silence not able to read your expression. “Don’t you think it’s a good idea?”

“Immune systems, Tom. Having camera crews and media tromping through here . . . . .” You begin but he shakes his head.

“No, no, no. Because it’s just us, and we’re just doing it, it’s part of the deal that no one knows about it except those involved. Marvel can be very strict which is why I’m amazed they’re allowing us use of our costumes. No media, no cameras. It’s not a promotional opportunity; it’s just for the kids and their families if they wish.” He says quickly. “I understand they’re stick, so does Chris. We don’t want to make it worse, we just . . . . I thought it would be something nice for them. Special.”

You give a slight nod, “It would be special for them.” You admit knowing that Jacob would be absolutely on cloud nine.

“Do you think the hospital will go for it?” He asks.

“Tom, look around. They haven’t said no to you or your production company yet, have they?”

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	2. Code Blue - Chapter 2

That night after you had finished your rounds, you stood in the locker room taking a shower. One of the patients had been feeling very nauseous and you were the unfortunate recipient of projectile vomit. It was unfortunate and a job hazard that bodily fluids were a common occurrence that you were well used to by now. The patients rarely did it on purpose, and they couldn’t control their bodily reactions.

Washing your hair out a second time you wash your body yet again before turning off the water. Reaching out you take your towel and dry your hair before wrapping it around your body stepping out of the shower stall. Going to your locker you get into your street clothes as your scrubs were completely written off and were labeled a bio-hazard that couldn’t leave the hospital until they had been properly cleaned.

Looking in your mirror you fixed your hair with a soft sigh. The sound of someone clearing their throat caught your attention and you see Tom standing at the end of the row of Lockers in his street clothes. He smiles when you looked at him, “I put my idea to the hospital board. They seem really keen to allow us to do it. Jamie even got back to me and says she’s all in.”

You give a nod, “That was fast.” You say putting your brush back in your locker and closing it turning the lock a few times. “I think it will definitely boost morale in the pediatric ward. Especially Jacob.” You walk over to him having had time to think about the entire affair. “I can’t believe you’re doing this voluntarily for no pay whatsoever. I imagine it’s a terrible inconvenience.”

“But the kids will love it. We will put on a good show and make certain that we give it our best.” He says with a smile. He seemed genuinely excited about the entire event. Very eager and incredibly enthusiastic about it.

“Not many people would go so out of their way, to so much effort when there is little to nothing in it for them.” You couldn’t help but admire him for this, “Thank you.”

His smile grows a little brighter as he bows his head a bit. “Listen . . . it’s getting late. I imagine after such a long and trying shift you’re famished. I was wondering, would you grant me the honor and privilege of accompanying me to dinner?”

You were hungry, but this would be the second night in a row you went out with him. Tongues were already wagging like crazy. “I don’t know, I . . . .” But you were hungry, you hadn’t had a chance to have lunch, you had a new patient to process and admit.

“Please. I enjoyed our time together last night. The conversation was wonderful, and I enjoyed your company very much.” He explained. You squint your eyes slightly but the way he looked at you and the pout he had developed wasn’t ignorable. You give in with a reluctant nod causing him to grin, “How do you feel about sushi.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever really tried it, so I’m a bit on the fence.” You admit.

“Well if you are feeling adventurous and trust me, there is this wonderful all you can eat sushi bar. They make over 65 kinds of sushi there, we can try them out and see what you like.” He says eagerly.

Raw fish. That would be an ending to your puke-o-licious day wouldn’t. You hesitate another moment before giving a nod again. “Just as long as nothing is looking at me off my plate. I have a thing about my food staring at me as I eat it.”

“Not to worry, Sushi doesn’t usually have those shorts of anatomical parts. It will be good I promise.” He offers you his arm, “Shall we go?” He questions. You pick up your bag with a nod and he takes your hand kissing it wrapping it around his arm as he escorts you from the building.

Petichor and ozone fill the night air. You take in a lung full. You loved the pop up thunderstorms that came with summer. A breeze brought the smell stronger.

You open you eyes to see Tom looking at you with a soft smile. "What?"

"Nothing. My car is this way."

"I can drive, Tom."

"I understand that but we're taking my car so it's this way."

A green Jaguar sits in a Reserved parking space. He opens the door for you. You slid in and buckle your seat belt, placing your bag between your feet. He gets in. You can't help but enjoy the deep throaty sound of the engine coming to life. "That is a sexy fucking sound. Not as sexy as a muscle car taking off down the drags but sexy none the less."

"You race?"

"No. My college boyfriend did." Something's been nagging at you since the flowers. You're attracted to him and you can tell he's attracted to you by the way he smiles and looks at you. You wait until he's driving, chewing one the words. "I think you should know the entire ward thinks we're fucking."

"Wow." He's shocked by your bluntness but doesn't seem surprised. "How do we take care of this?"

You turn in your seat. "That's my question to you."

He looks from road to you. "What do you mean?"

"What are we doing? Aside from going for sushi."

"I'm not sure I-"

"You've got 2 weeks left at the hospital and 3 days left on the peds ward. Then you're gone. So what are we doing?"

He had to admit he was lonely. He liked you and found you sexy. "Can't we just be two adults enjoying each other's company?"

"We can." He pulls the Jag into a parking spot at the restaurant. He turns in his seat and takes your hand.

"I enjoy your company. I find you beautiful and sexy. I want to know what makes you tick. Hence spending time outside the hospital with you. You're not a blabbering psychopath desperately trying to bed me."

You smile. "And by some guy logic, that makes me a challenge."

He laughs. "You really are something else."

You give Tom a snarky smile as you respond, "You don't know the half of it, Mr Hiddleston." He threw his head back and laughed at your little comment. And all you could do was watch him laugh. His eyes scrunched shut, his long hair fluffing around, his mouth open with absolute laughter. After a moment he looked back over at you, still chuckling, and now it was his turn to ask, "What?" You blinked twice and opened your mouth to say something...but you couldn't quite bring yourself to say 'It wouldn't be such a terrible thing if the rumors were true, would it?' to this man. So you just shook your head and responded, "Nothing."

Tom took your hand again and kissed your knuckles. "Let's get inside to a table. If we wait too long I just might eat you instead," he said with a wink. You gave him a look as the two of you unbuckled and got out of the car. Tom met you around the front of his Jag and you took his arm and walked through the door of the restaurant. The hostess seated the two of you right away, handing you a menu of things you weren't even sure how to pronounce, let alone what they were.

"Tom, I am really going to need your help with this one. What is all this?" you plead for help. "Don't worry, darling, we'll get through this yet," he winked at you. You smiled back, then looked down at the menu, searching for something familiar. "Hmm, here's something...shrimp and avocado with tempura bits. Sounds delicious," you state. "That's one of my favorites, I love the sushi with shrimp the best," Tom replies with a smile. "Well, maybe if I'm feeling generous, I'll share a piece with you," you filirt with him. "Ooo, I should *be* so lucky," he flirts back. You laugh at your exchange as the server comes and takes your orders. As she walks away, you look back to Tom.

"So, what do you think of your time so far? Have you enjoyed it? Has it been absolutely miserable? Tell me," you beg him. You watch him get excited as he starts to tell you. "It's been amazing, I've learned so much. You've taught me so much, I don't think you realize." You blush at his words. It was very strange having someone be so complimentary to you. No one else you'd been with in a while had been like this, but then again, you hadn't been with anyone in quite a while. Your work had taken up a lot of your emotional energy.

"What about the people? Has everyone been helpful as you claim I am?" you say with just a hint of self-deprication. "For the most part, yes. Except for this really strange thing this morning...as I was getting changed, these three men came into the locker room and said I had 'broke Nurse Hardass'. I was really a little put off, I hope I don't get stuck with him any time."

You pinched the bridge of your nose. "Was one of the men blonde?" you ask. "Yes, he was." Tom replied. "And the other two, was one in glasses and the other wearing scrubs that were clearly too tight for him, but he wore them anyway?" "Yes! Do you know who they are?" You exhale and shake your head. "Yes. Do you remember us talking about cynics and the jaded?" Tom nodded. "Well, you had the pleasure of interacting with the King of the Cynics, Chad."

“Nurse Hardass isn’t a particularly new one to me. Or the worst.” You say honestly. “Couple other colorful nicknames I have because I won’t let things slide when it comes to patient care. I won’t let anyone else do it either. Sort of makes me a ‘snitch’ sometimes, or just a flat out bitch because I’ll lay into someone full out.”

“Oh. Did something of that nature happen with Chad?” He questioned.

“Gradeschool garbage.” You say simply. Just then the server comes over taking your order and you let Tom have at it. It was like your first time in Starbucks and you were watching a veteran coffee drinker place their order. Sounded like a foreign language, looked impossible, but both Tom and the server seemed to understand everything being said. When he finished the waiter looked at you and you half smiled just ordering another coke.

When he walked away Tom turns his attention towards you again. “So, Chris and Jaimie are rather excited about this project for the pediatric wing.” He says still quite excited.

“You said that it would be for the kids and their families, yes?” You question and he gives a nod. “Then how is it supposed to remain a secret? Chances are good it’s going to get out somehow, and we’ve already had fans invading the hospital grounds trying to get to you. They find out that ‘Loki and Thor’ are showing up, it’s going to be a Tsunami of fans.”

“Perhaps the word can be spread that something special is happening to the kids and their families but nothing specific as to what.” He suggested. You give a nod thinking that could work. He pauses a moment, “Do you really approve of this idea?” He questions.

“I don’t know yet.” You look down at the table for a moment, “The kids will love it, of course.”

“Will you?”

“Will I?” You ask thinking that an interesting turn. “I’m just a nurse.”

“A nurse who takes her job seriously.” He added. “And who has been . . . . brutally honest shall we say, with me so far.”

You take a sip of your drink before relenting and giving a nod, “I think it’s really cool of you, Tom.” You say softly. He smiles a little and nods too. It falls silent a moment before you pick up your glass again grinning evilly, “So . . . your Dark World costume then?”

“Yes.” He says taking a sip from his own glass.

“Shackles and all?” Tom arches his brow looking at the suggestive way you’re looking at him before smiling a bit himself.

“Not sure what a morale booster that would be for the kids, having a prisoner brought in under constant threat of death if he doesn’t behave.” He replies.

“Well, death would be a little extreme.” You take another sip of your drink, “I’m sure there’s plenty of things that those chains could be useful for that wouldn’t be to entirely unpleasant for the wearer.”

Tom's hand stopped, glass in hand, halfway back down to the table. He wasn't quite sure what to say to that, that was clear. Neither were you to be honest. But since it had already left your mouth, you committed to it. The corner of his mouth lifted in a suggestive smirk, and he plied further, "You think so? What kinds of things could you possibly think wouldn't be unpleasant?" "I'm sure I don't know, my dear. You've worn them, I'm sure you're very aware of what they can do. Why don't you tell me?"

He cleared his throat, clearly trying to maintain his composure. A small, sly smile ran across your lips watching him react. Tom swallowed hard. "Well, they do work quite well..." he said, his voice a touch deeper than it had been moments before. It sent a shiver through you. "I would love to see them, up close. I do so love watching that scene with you wearing them..." you trailed off.

A very electric silence passed between the two of you as you watched his reaction. His eyes were wide, pupils dilated. His jaw slack. Where on earth were you getting your nerve to say all this? "I mean, when *Loki* wears them, of course." Tom swallowed again, and seemed to regain himself. "Yes, Loki, of course. When he wears the- the cuffs. Yes." You brought your hand up and lightly traced around your bottom lip, never taking your eyes off Tom. As he locked eyes on you, he seemed to flush just a tiny bit, and you thought his breath shook for a moment. "Are you all right, Tom?" you ask innocently. You knew damn well the effect you had on him with that little comment about the cuffs. You also knew damn well you would probably never get a chance like this again, so why not take it?

Tom took a deep, slow breath before answering. "Yes...yes, I think so." "Good. I was worried for a minute there...we can't have you falling out right here in the booth, can we?" you laughed lightly. He laughed back with you, but even then, he couldn't shake the dark look in his eyes.

The sushi was pleasant. You shared a piece of yours with him. "You want a piece?"

"If you're willing to share."

"Open your mouth." You hold out the roll between the chop sticks. He wipes his mouth, trying not to smile. He opens it, looking at you steadily as you place the piece in his mouth. He looks like a chipmunk with stuffed cheeks when he closes it and you laugh. He tries not to laugh as he chews.

"Alright, you. My turn." He picks up a roll with his sticks. "Open your mouth." You grin, pressing your tongue against the back of your teeth. "Cheeky." You bust out laughing.

"Ok ok ok." Reigning in your laughter, you open your mouth. He plucks the roll from the sticks with his fingers and places it on your tongue. You close your mouth before he pulls his fingers away.

Keeping eye contact with you, he slowly pulls his fingers back. They flick to your lips as he runs his thumb along your bottom one.

You chew slowly, your cheeks flaming.

The rest of dinner filled with laughter and sibling talk. He paid the check before you could get out your half. The small talk continued on the drive back to the hospital. He glances at you, reaching over to take your hand. You wrap your fingers around the side of his hand. They rest on your thigh.

The green Jag pulls into the parking space next to your black Jeep. You start to get out. "No, no. Let me. This is our first date after all." You rest your hands in your lap as you wait for him to walk around the back of the car to open the door. You bump the car door closed with your butt then lean against it. 

"Tonight was nice."

"It was. Listen, I-" Tom steps up to you and kisses you. You bring your hands up to push him away but his lips taste so sweet. And his tongue does this thing that draws a moan from you. Your arms curl around his shoulders. His fingertips ghost up your arm to hold your jaw.

His body presses yours to the car. Those fingertips play with your earlobe. You press your body into his and he presses back even more. You can feel how well he enjoys the kiss. You reach up into his hair. 

Someone clears their throat. The two of you jerk apart. You reach up to wipe your lips, hands shaking slightly. That kiss was intense and probably would have led to more. Maggie grins over the roof of the Jaguar. "Well well. Fancy meeting you two here."

Dear God the rumors were going to fly now. You step back and reach out taking Tom’s hand in yours shaking it in a very sterile manner. “I think you’re ready for that CPR class Mr. Hiddleston. Your mouth to mouth is flawless.” You take your hand away, “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Puft.” Maggie says. “Yeah I don’t remember mouth to mouth ever having tongue. Maybe I missed that day in class.” She says slyly before giving you both a wave, “Night kids!” With that she turns her bag over her shoulder and heads out of the parking lot leaving you two alone again.

“Oh for Christ’s . . .” You mumble rubbing your face with your hand. Not just that you had been caught playing tonsil hockey with Tom, but your sad attempt at an excuse for it.

“Is this a problem?” Tom asks looking back in the direction Maggie had left in.

“Maggie is a friend, but we’ll see tomorrow, won’t we.” You say with a sigh knowing that this was going to get interesting. You check your watch seeing it was late, again. “We got work tomorrow. Some sleep would be a good idea.”

“Alright.” He says with a smile escorting you over to your car. When you unlock it he opens the door for you and you get in pulling on your seatbelt. You look at him arching a brow that the door was still open. He leans in close to you, “Sorry about that.” He apologizes. “I didn’t know we were under observation.”

“A hospital is like a small town, Tom. Everyone knows everyone elses business and gossip is a daily practiced sport.” You say seriously.

He gives a nod having a feeling that was the case already. Leaning close he places a lingering gentle kiss on your cheek. You close your eyes feeling the slight stubble on his face as he hadn’t saved since before he’d come into work that day. It felt absolutely heavenly. “Until tomorrow lovely lady.” He whispers in your ear. Then he steps back and closes your door for you. You turn on your car and he waves as you pull out of the driveway heading home.

The next morning you’re already in a rather dark mood by the time Tom gets to the nurses station waiting for you. “Good morning.” He says seeing the sour look on your face. “Is everything alright?”

You turn slapping the clipboard against his chest handing it to him. Instantly he took it not certain what was wrong. “Rounds.” You say simply picking up your own equipment starting down the hallway. Tom quickly catches up with you having caught the smirks on the other nurses as the two of you walked by.

“Is everything alright?” He asks quickly.

“Dandy.” You snap.

Obviously that couldn’t be further from the truth. Now that you were down the hallway and nearly to the first door, Tom stops you, “Can I ask you something?” You just stare at him a bit impatiently. Reaching in his pocket he takes out a few tiny packets of condoms and holds them out to you, “These were in my locker.”

You look in his hand and you roll your eyes covering your face with your hand, “Oh fuck.” Of course you weren’t going to be the only one under fire today. For now, Tom was a co-worker after all. Reaching in your own pocket you pull out another handful of packets that you’d been collecting slipping into your pocket as they fell out of patient charts, logs, and yes they were even in your locker too. Tom’s brows arch. “Get used to it, Tom. They’re going to be fucking everywhere today.” He looks at you a little confused. “Gradeschool bullshit, people get bored in a small town, remember?”

“Ah.” He says looking at you before looking down at the packets. “I didn’t know that flavored condoms were hospital issue.”

“They aren’t. The hospital doesn’t have any of these.” You hold one up, “Ribbed? Really?” You roll your eyes, “We are privileged enough that these were all bought specifically for this prank, and brought from home.” You say shoving them back in your pocket. “Just . . . fucking collect them as they fall at you, stick them in your pocket like it’s no big thing, and you can throw them out at lunch break and then again after we clock out tonight.” He gives a nod putting the ones he’d found back in his own pocket.

You wanted nothing more in this moment than to crawl back into bed, throw the covers over your head, and lay there until the apocalypse. Maggie certainly wasn't good at keeping her mouth shut, and you knew something like this was bound to happen. But the events at dinner last night, coupled with how you were greeted this morning with a veritable shower of giggles, snorts, and condoms like you were in high school again...you just couldn't deal with it. You turned to enter Amanda's room and Tom followed.

She lay in the middle of the bed, and it was all too clear she hadn't eaten a bite. You knew what this meant., and it wasn't going to be pretty. "Good morning, Amanda. How are you feeling?" She looked up at you with sunken eyes, but didn't say a word. "Amanda, have you eaten anything? Anything at all?" "I'm not hungry," she stated simply.

You sigh to yourself. "You know what this means, Amanda. We have to put your feeding tube back in if you won't eat." The glare you got in return could have melted the sun, it was so angry. "Don't give me that look, I told you this would happen if you didn't eat," you defended yourself.

Tom watched the exchange in the far side of the room, feeling correctly it was a good idea to keep his distance. Amanda looked over you to him and recognized him from the day before. "You're back." "I am." "Are you going to try to convince me to eat something? Because it won't work."

Tom was measuring his response carefully, not wanting to step on any toes or insert his opinion where it wasn't wanted. "No...but I do wish you would. I can't imagine someone like you wouldn't want to make themselves better by just having a meal," he expressed. You looked over at him, hoping he got your thankful vibes. Amanda only raised her voice at him. "What do you know? You don't know me! Nobody cares about me, they just left me here in the bed to rot, so I might as well do just that!" She exclaimed.

You did everything within you to maintain your composure. "Amanda, please. I *have* to do what your parents want, you're underage. I promise you I don't want to call the doctor and tell him to put the tube back in, but if you don't start at least trying to eat, I will have no choice. Please, don't make me do that." Tears threatened the back of your eyes. The telltale burning had already started. You related to Amanda more than she realized- while you had never gone to quite the extremes of her own, laying in that hospital bed as a sick child made you feel abandoned more than once.

But she wouldn't relent. "No. You can't make me do anything, I don't care what you say. Now get out of my room." "Amanda please...," you begged one last time. "Get OUT!! Both of you!!" She yelled as loud as she could from her wasted form.

Your chin began to shake, a sure sign you couldn't stem the flow of tears that threatened for much longer. With a shaky voice, you informed her, "I'll make a call to your parents and the doctor, and we'll be back in a little while." Tom heard you falter and stepped up to you, barely touching the back of your arm. Just to let you know he was there. "I don't care, I hate you. I hate you even more than before, you're a terrible person and the worst nurse in the world!" You swallowed hard and cleared your throat as you finished charting what little you had even done, closed your work station, and reached for the door handle. "We'll be back later, Amanda," you said flatly as you exited the room.

Tom followed and closed the door behind him, and turned around to see you tucking yourself into a corner between the door and the wall in the hallway. Your hand covered your mouth and your eyes were screwed shut so tightly you were seeing stars. "Hey, hey..." he whispered as he came over to you. You opened your eyes just enough to see him there with more compassion in his face than you had seen in a long time. And this time there was nothing you could do to keep the tears from falling.

Tom tries to put his arm around you but you shove him off. "Are you-"

"Go take a break, Tom."

"But I just got he-"

"Just go take a fucking break." You storm off to the stairwell. The door slams behind you. You crouch down and let yourself ugly cry until it runs it's course. Normally, you could take Amanda's berating but not this morning. You suspected it was almost time for your period. Things always spiraled out of control on the ward during that hellish week.

You sniffed the rest of the tears back and composed yourself. You owed Tom and apology. And maybe after a Coke and a Hershey Bar, even the condoms would seem funny.

The immature whispers intensify as you come down the hall to the break room. You ignore them. Tom is sitting at the table, staring down at the glossy surface.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It wasn't your fault I lost my shit. And it wasn't fair."

Tom looks up at you, not unlike Loki looked at Odin. " I'm sorry my presence here is a burden on you."

You sit down across from him. "I'm a bitch."

"I didn't say that. Just don't talk to me like that again. I thought we were enjoying each other."

You sigh and look down at your hands. "We were. I am."

He reaches across the table and takes your hands. "Then lighten up. I'm only here for a couple more days then I move onto Radiology. So let's have fun."

"I'll try."

"I think I can make it worth your while."

"Oh really?" He grips your hands then pulls himself forward to kiss you across the table. The door to the break room opens.

"Oh! Sorry." Nancy closes the door again. 

You grin and touch your face to your joined hands. "Oh this day just keeps getting better and better."

"It does." He steals a kiss when you lift your head. "Come to dinner with me again."

"Why don't I cook for you?" You both stand up from the table, letting go of one pair of hands.

"Alright."

"Let's finish rounds before they bitch that we're making out in the break room." You hold hands as you pass the nurse's station.

Tom squeezes your hand. "Well maybe if your well meaning coworkers weren't providing us with plenty of protection, I could keep my hands and lips off you." He glances at the whisperers.

You shake your head. Oh this just kept getting better and better.

You go into the neck room. A new patient. "Hi, Ryan. I'm (y/n) and this is Tom."

"Holy shit, you're Loki!"

"I am."

"What are you doing -here-?"

"I'm studying for a role."

"Cool. Cool."

"Broken leg?"

"Crashed my bike off a spillway."

"Well, it looks like they're doing surgery this afternoon. So we'll get your vitals and you can rest. What do you want to eat afterwards?"

"A big greasy cheeseburger. And fries."

"I'll see what we can do."

You were right about your much needed Hershey bar and Coke- you made sure you got one on break. And the world was a little bit brighter after that. It also may have been the fact you got to share them both with Tom, and when you thought about it, he was the only one you'd ever actually done that with.

The rest of your shift together went almost without incident, except for Amanda. She was still very adamant against anything related to eating or putting a feeding tube back in...but, and as much as you hated doing it, that's what Versed was for. Tom stood by you as you sedated her, rubbing the back of his hand up and down your spine. As she slipped into a light fog, you whispered, "I'm so sorry Amanda, I really am." You meant it, you hated doing stuff like this. But when your hands were tied, they were tied.

You finished your last rounds, making one final check on Jacob. He'd had a rough day of his own, and you just had to make sure he was all right before you left. Especially since you weren't going to be there tomorrow. You knocked on the door quietly and pushed the handle. As you slid in the room, Tom right behind you, you saw Jacob almost asleep in bed. In his right hand was his Thor figure, and in his left was the Loki figure Tom had given him the day before. You breathed a laugh and turned to Tom behind you. You whispered to him, "Come here," as you cocked your head Jacob's direction. He stepped closer to you and leaned over to see. A bright smile spread across his face as he took in the scene. "This little boy will be the death of me, I just know it," you whispered. "I may be there right with you, if this keeps up," said Tom. You gently reached over and brushed a lock of hair off his forehead. You wanted to tell Jacob you wouldn't be there tomorrow, because he always asked about you when you didn't check on him.

~*~"You're my nurse, ya know? You're the only one who lets me watch my Thor movie and doesn't call my action figure a doll, because Thor is not a doll!" Jacob once told you. He always had a way to make you smile, to make you believe he really was going to be okay...~*~

You sat down on the edge of the bed and gently stroked Jacob's face with the back of your fingers. "Jaaacooob....sweetheart...." you quietly chanted in an effort to wake him up softly. His face began to scrunch as he woke up. "Nurse (y/n), I was sleeping...is it time for more medicine?"

"No, my sweetheart. I wanted to tell you I won't be your nurse tomorrow. I have the day off." 

You always waited until the last minute to tell him because you hated to see his face fall. But tonight was a bit of an exception, as proved by his next question. "Will Tom be here again?"

Tom laughed- you feigned disappointment. "Ahh! I see how it is, the new guy comes along and I'm chopped liver all of a sudden!" Jacob giggled at you both, as Tom was turning four shades of red from laughing so hard.

He regained his composure after a moment, apologizing but still laughing. "I believe he asked you a question, O Favored One," you joked with Tom.

"Yes, I believe he did. And Jacob, I'm not sure if I'll be here tomorrow or not...I have to stay with your dear nurse, and if she's not here, I might not be either. But I'll be back when she comes back."

"Promise?" "Promise!" Jacob stuck out his pinky finger, and Tom reached over and hooked his own in it. They shook on it like it was a handshake, and all you could do was laugh.

"Come on, boys...it's time to go." Jacob smiled at you again before he reached up for a small hug. "Good night Jacob. I'll see you the day after tomorrow, all right?" He nodded, and Tom stepped closer to the bed and helped you stand up.

"I'll see you then too, all right buddy?" Jacob nodded again, and you left the room finally feeling accomplished for your work today.

You and Tom walked out past the nurses' station, and sitting behind the desk was Chad. "Oh hey, there she goes! I just had one quick question for you-" "Let me ask you something first, Chad," you cut him off. You reached into your pocket and then into Tom's and pulled out a handful of the condoms from each. "Are these yours? Did you accidentally put these in my locker and his?" You asked sarcastically. Chad's face blanched- he'd never actually been called out on one of his pranks before. But you weren't quite done. "I mean, if they are, do you mind if we keep them? Because honestly, I don't think you'll be needing them anyway," you dropped the line with absolute deadpan. Everyone at the nurses' station froze. You waited a beat before you said anything else. "So, is that a yes?" "Uh, I mean- uh, yeah, uhh, they were mine-" "That's what I thought. I'll just keep them, then. I'd hate for them to go to waste and never get used." You heard everyone's jaw collectively hit the floor as you turned on your heel and strutted away, Tom close behind.

"That felt so damn good..." you whispered.

You were starting to wonder if Tom had ditched you as you sat down at the table waiting. After you had gotten to your flat and started cooking he said that he would be right back and left. Before you could ask him what was up he had already disappeared.

Starving from such a full day and a lunch of a coke and a candy bar you sighed and shook your head getting ready to dig in. However there was a knock on the door and you stood going and opening it. “Sorry about that.” Tom comes in carrying a bag with him. “There was a line and then someone’s cash card was declined.”

“Well. Another minute and I would have been eating without you.” You say closing the door as he goes into the kitchen.

“Do you have a corkscrew?” He said taking out two bottles of wine. You arch a brow and go to the cupboard taking down two wine glasses, and taking the corkscrew out of the drawer handing it to him. “Thank you darling.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?” You say leaning against the counter crossing your arms watching as he opens the first bottle pouring the wine in the glasses.

“Do what?” He questions.

“Hmm.” You say arching a brow. Tired, emotional day, and you were already finding yourself drawn to Tom more ways then you cared to admit. Not to mention there were several reasons you didn’t drink, one of which being it didn’t take much to send you passed buzz all the way annoying drunk girl at the party. He hands you a glass of red wine and you look into it before looking at him again. He clinks his glass to yours and takes a sip looking at you. “Okay then.” You turn and walk back to the table as you both sit down.

It wasn’t traditional spaghetti; it was your mothers take on it that made it a bit more spicy than usual. Tom tried it and was pleasantly surprised savoring the taste eager for more. You sip your wine very lightly, just enough to coat your tongue before you start to eat your own dinner as well passing him a bread roll. “This is delicious.”

“Thank my mom. If she didn’t take the time to teach me how to cook then I probably would be living on stale take out every day of my life.” You admit.

“Well thank God for your mother.” He says with a smile continuing to eat. “So, it seems like Thor and Loki’s unannounced visit to the hospital will happen next Monday. Jaimie and Chris are going to fly in on the weekend, and our costumes should arrive about the same time.”

“Sounds wonderful.” You say with a nod. “The kids will be over the moon. Especially when Jacob realizes who you are.”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t noticed yet. He’s such a huge Thor fan and a very bright boy.” Tom takes another drink of his wine.

“You’re usually wearing a mask in his room, you don’t talk in a deep sinister growl, and your hair is red instead of black. He’s bright but he’s still a kid. Loki’s a villain, you’re the British Pollyanna.” You take bit bigger sip of your wine picking up some bread.

Tom arches his brows, “You think I’m Pollyanna?”

“Sometimes. You’re very hard to . . . . .” You stop realizing that you had drained most of your glass of wine without noticing it.

He notices your sudden silence, “Something wrong?”

“Uh,” You put the glass aside out of your reach, “I’m a very cheap date. There’s a reason I don’t drink.” You stand going into the kitchen to get a glass of water, “You better police how much you drink because I’m not above taking full advantage of your impaired judgment.” And just like that, the filter between your brain and your mouth seems to have dissolved.

You slapped your hand over your mouth, as if it would take back the remark you'd just made. You were horrified. 'Maybe he didn't hear me,' you prayed silently. But no such luck was given to you as you heard Tom start to laugh. "What did you say, darling?" "Uhh, nothing. I didn't say a single thing," you lie. Tom stood up from his chair and turned to look at you with a sneaky smile. You wore your most embarrassed expression as he tilted his head to the left. "I told you, I'm a very cheap date." "I can see that now," he grinned at you.

"Darling, you wouldn't have to get me the least bit drunk to take full advantage of the situation....and I would hope you knew that by now."

You felt the heat rise from your core and spread, from the tips of your toes to the tops of your cheekbones. You took a shaky breath as Tom glided across the floor into the kitchen. He came to stand as close to you as you had ever been, and he took your hands into his. Releasing one, he brought it up to cup your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. He leaned forward and planted a kiss on your lips. You breathed into it, not knowing where it would lead. Tom broke it after a few moments, looking down at you again. He brushed your hair behind your ear.

"If you really are enjoying this, like I am, don't be afraid to say things to me like that. Okay? I want to get to know you so much better. And not just for some role or a part," he told you. You couldn't process it, but you nodded anyway like you did. He smiled. "Good. Now, let's go finish dinner. And tell me more about you. Like what else you know how to cook."

You give a nod and turn starting to walk back towards the table with Tom following you, however before you even realized what you were doing you spun around, reaching up sliding your hand into Tom’s hair and anxiously devour his lips. You couldn’t resist and he’d given you an opening.

At first he seems surprised but he hardly resisted. Instead his arms wrapped you pulling your body against him returning your anxious kiss. Your other hand wraps around his shoulders as he walks you backwards until your back comes against the counter.

For a moment your feverish affections pause as you both catch your breath, but you stay close your hands roaming over each others bodies, your lips almost touching. Within a heartbeat your locked together in another anxious fevered kissing frenzy. Tom’s hands wrap around your waist and pick you up setting you on the counter top as you wrap your legs around him pulling his body hard against yours. His hands find the hem of your scrubs shirt pulling it up over your head and tossing it to the floor, as your fingertips quickly unbutton the buttons down his shirt before you push it off over his shoulders as it falls to the floor with yours.

Seeking out one another’s lips yet again his large hands brace against your back as you hands clutch to his shoulders before you draw your nails down his back causing him to shutter as he moans against your mouth. His hands caress your warm curves moving down grasping your hips as he presses his own against your thighs. You can feel how hard he had become as he rubbed against your body. His fingers easily unhook you’re bra as he nearly tears it off you tossing it to the side, admiring you’re large beautiful plump breasts. He cups them in his large hands beginning to massage them, “Beautiful.” He breaths before leaning down and kissing each one before suckling them gently, enjoying the warmth and taste. The stubble on his cheek from not having shaved since that morning against your skin made you quiver with excitement.

The kiss parts as you both gasp for air, but your hands slide through his wonderfully soft red locks as he trails kisses to your cheek, down your neck to your shoulder rubbing his body a bit more anxiously against yours.

His hands slip down into your scrubs bottoms grasping your buttocks almost lifting you from the counter as he presses his hard member against you even more groaning in anticipation. Then he begins to slide them down and you brace your hands against the counter lifting your body so he can slide them down your legs and off your body to the floor. His hands instantly returning to your body clutching you tight against him wanting to feel the warmth of your skin to his bare torso.

His strong hands move over you, resting one hand to the small of your back while his other slides into your hair gripping lightly but not hard at all as your tongues touch, and entwine both of you hardly able to contain the noises of pleasure and anxious desire.

Your hands move down his back before you push the two of you apart just enough to reach down and pull his belt off letting it fall to the floor with the other cascade of clothing that had melted off your bodies before you unfasten them and slide your hand down into his boxers wrapping around his throbbing hard member as you stroke him firmly. His entire body absolutely shaking in excitement as he groans in approval. You push his trousers down just enough to release him from his confines, guiding him to your warm wet anxious womanhood.

With one ease stroke he slides deep inside of you filling you’re depths as you both gasp at the overwhelming pleasure at the feel. As he begins to thrust into you with deep deliberate strokes, you feast on his lips, consuming his every moan as his hands move to grip your hips pulling you almost off the counter bracing your body to give him better leverage.

It isn’t long before you begin nearing a climax, your body tensing tight around him encouraging him to thrust even harder still. Your hands clutch to his shoulders throwing your head back as you cry out hardly able to catch your breath. He was so large, and felt so good his strong steady pace was heavenly. As your entire body shakes with absolute bliss you can’t suppress the scream that escapes you eliciting a groan of approval from Tom as he follows you in his own. As you ride out the aftershocks of your orgasm, Tom pauses for only a moment still extremely excited and neither of you seemed the least bit interested in stopping.

You devour one anothers yet again, his hands cupping your face as his tongue flicks against your lips before plunging deep into your mouth seeking out yours and savoring the sweet taste.

Oh God, you never imagined he was such an intense and fantastic lover, but at the same time he was a healthy, gorgeous, famous, virile young man. He must have had quite the experience on his ‘resume’ of lovers. However he wasn’t the ‘kiss and tell’ type you knew that from the first time you met him.

After a moment, both of you still deep in passion as your excitement begins growing once more he picks you up from the counter, setting you to your feet as you kiss and grope each other for several moments. Then he gently turns you around bending you forward over the counter, his hands moving around your waist as he kisses your neck and then across your shoulders down your back as you could feel him brushing against your quivering sex once more. He gently slides your feet apart giving him better access as you feel him bend over you, his body melding against yours, his breast to your back as he kisses your neck again, before entering you with one swift thrust. Your knees almost buckle at the sensation but you brace yourself a bit better against the counter as he begins to anxiously thrust deep inside your body, taking you from behind.

A while later, the two of you lay on the floor in your bedroom your bodies soaked with sweat. You’d made it this far after having shared several orgasms in the kitchen, once in the dining room, twice on the sofa in the living room, one more time in the hallway, and yet again on the floor of your bedroom still not having quite made it to the bed yet.

Both of you were absolutely exhausted and spent, but your hands still couldn’t keep off one another petting and stroking, kissing again every few moments. Finally the two of your bodies entwined on the floor you at last seem to be able to catch your breath and calm down returning to some level of sanity at least for the moment.

“What the fuck just happened?” You breathe never having had such an animalistic passionate frenzy overtake you.

Tom chuckles with his ‘ehehehehe’, “I think you just said it darling.” He grins kissing your lips.

You look over your shoulder, “The bed is 6 feet that way . . . can we make it that far? Or . . . just sleep here?”

“I’ll bet we can do it, if we’ve give it everything we’ve got.” You both kiss once, then again, then once more. Before things started up again you both laugh and reluctantly untangle somewhat nearly crawling over to the bed. Groping and kissing each other before somehow finding the strength to stand and nearly collapse on the bed.

“Made it.” You say in triumph as that was much more effort than one would expect. Tom kisses your belly, before moving up to your breasts, then neck finding your lips and consuming your lips. You giggle before turning over beneath him crawling up further on the bed almost collapsing in the pillows, then reached down pulling Tom up beside you. With a grin you both lay together still gently stroking each others bodies in silence looking into each other’s eyes.

You weren't sure when you feel asleep. Just that you woke up for your morning run tangled in Tom's legs and the sheets. You were able to successfully extricate yourself without waking him.

Your thighs burned extraordinarily today. And your body felt sore. Maybe marathon sex with a man the size of Tom after a good year of no sex wasn't the brightest idea. But damn it had been fun. And amazing.

You peek in on him once you get back. He's still asleep. You strip off your sweaty, sticky clothes and walk to the bathroom.

The shower runs hot and it relaxes the muscles as it hits. You wash your hair and your body. Sweat and mingled body fluids swirling away with soap and scalding water. You were thankful you had that IUC implanted after your divorce. In all that sex, you didn't use a one of Chad's condoms. You close your eyes and turn your face into the water.

Tom slips up behind you, facing carefully opened the shower curtain to make no sound. He wraps his arms around you and presses his front to your back. "I woke up and you were gone." He kisses your shoulder.

"I needed a shower after my run."

"I would have gone with you."

"You run?"

"Every day I can." He reaches around you for the shampoo. "What are we doing today?"

"I need to go grocery shopping and clean."

You turn under the water and watch him rinse the shampoo. Desire pings through you again.

"I'd be happy to help."

You lather up your hands. "I'll help you now." You run your palms over every inch him of him. Stroking him hard, you're rewarded with a groan. He plants a hand on either side of your head on the shower wall.

"Now that's not fair." You move so the water can rinse off the soap. You pull him down into a kiss, slipping his erection between your thighs. He pushes you back against the wall, reaching down between you to slid fingers along your lower lips.

Wrapping your arms around his shoulders you kiss eagerly as Tom lifts you from the shower floor sliding into you easily as you wrap your legs around his waist. Once again losing yourselves in passion as you begin to move together, the warm water washing over your bodies.

A while later, you put eggs and sausage on plates in the kitchen putting the pan in the sink before carrying them into the dining room and putting them on the table just in time for Tom to come out of the bathroom having shaved and finished cleaning up. “Oh wonderful, I’m famished.” He admits kissing your cheek before sitting down and beginning to eat.

“I’ll bet you are.” You admit sitting down and taking a drink of your coffee. “Probably a good thing we don’t go in today. It’ll give us until tomorrow to figure out how to avoid the walk of shame down the hallway in the morning at the hospital.”

Tom pauses eating looking at you, “Walk of shame?” He questions, “Why would there be shame involved?” You arch a brow taking a drink of your coffee looking at him. “Do you regret spending the night with me?”

“Well, you’re intelligent let’s look at this logically Tom. We’ve known each other for a little less than a week, only gonna see you for another week tops, after which I will probably never hear from you again, and you’ll move on to the next department. What kind of picture is that going to paint of us if people found out we actually spent the night together?” You say taking another drink of your coffee.

He puts his fork down starring at you, “That wasn’t . . . . that isn’t my intention.”

“Look, I’m not bitching about it. I had fun. A lot more fun than I’ve had with a guy . . . . well ever. I don’t regret a thing. I’m not going to advertise this whole thing though, and I can only hope you’ll exercise the same discretion.” Taking another drink of your coffee. He stares at you wide eyed, properly stunned and speechless.

“I’m not . . . . . sleeping my way through the hospital.” He stumbles slightly still at a loss for words that you would think so. "This isn't a common occurrence for me. Honestly it isn't."

“Tom.” You put down your coffee looking at him, “Not. Complaining.”

“But I feel like I’ve given you the wrong impression completely. You have the wrong impression of me.” He was starting to wonder if he hadn’t treated you properly the night before if you thought he had simply used you and nothing more.

He got up from his seat and knelt down in front of you. Your eyes widened and you furrowed your brow as Tom took your hand from your cup. "I promise you, coming here and being with you last night was not part of some checklist or- or, conquest. I've really come to care about you and I intend to prove it," "Tom, you don't have anything to prove, it's fine--"

"No, it isn't!" he cuts you off. "It's not fine, it isn't all right. I have never meant to make you feel the way you imply you're feeling now. And I'll take as long as I have to, to make that up to you."

You paused. That was pretty much the opposite of what you expected to hear, and now the little script you had worked out in your head during your morning run was entirely moot. You blinked at him trying to figure out what to say next. Tom kept pleading eyes on yours as he leaned forward, placing one hand in your thigh and the other up to cup your neck. He stroked your cheek with your thumb and whispered, "Please believe me. I mean it, I'll do whatever it takes."

Your brain finally registered the need for a response as Tom stayed on his knees. "I didn't know- I mean, I wasn't sure if--it's just- I'm not used to..." You trailed off. You took a deep breath in an effort to still your thoughts and then said, "I...didn't know...you really felt that way."

"Well now you do. And I meant what I said. I will make it up to you that I ever made you feel less than that," Tom vowed. The very sincere, almost puppy-dog look in his eyes, made you start to really believe him this time. And as your tongue slipped again, you said quietly, "Keep this up, Hiddleston, and you may not get rid of me so easily." You bit your lips together in embarrassment. He laughed softly at your confession- he was making a habit of laughing at everything you said and for some irritating reason you liked it.

"Maybe that's part of my plan, darling."

“Plan? There was a plan to this?” You ask looking at him arching a brow. However before he could answer your phone starts going off. You stand and walk to the table next to the door where your phone was plugged in. You always put it on the charger as soon as you got home so it would be ready for work or whatever was going on the next day. Tom returns to his seat continuing his breakfast as you take your call.

A few minutes later you walk back into the dining room, “I’m being called in, probably to work a double shift.” You say pulling your hair back into a tie with a sigh. “Looks like no rest for the wicked.” Tom looks disappointed as you go into your room to change into work clothes.

To be honest, you were thankful for the escape. Wild, passionate, hot sexual escapades you could handle. A sweet, caring, sensitive guy who tended to follow you like a lost puppy you couldn’t. Not right now anyway, you were a busy woman and didn’t really have time for complicated relationships. A friend with benefits you were in the market for. A lovesick Romeo . . . . not so much. Maybe he felt this way right now, working in the pediatric ward where there were terminally ill children tended to stir and dredge up all sorts of emotions. But once he moved onto the next department, he wouldn’t be half in tears throughout the day and wouldn’t be so raw and emotionally vulnerable. As sweet as it may have been to see a man care so much he’s brought to tears, there were other times when you wanted to slap the shit out of him and tell him to suck it up.

Standing at your locker you put your things away and wrap your stethoscope around your neck putting on your watch and making sure the time was correct before closing it. As you turn you come nose to nose with Chad. “Hey.”

“Hey.” You say giving him a look. He didn’t speak right away and you put your hand on your hip since he was blocking your exit. “Did you want something or did you just want me to kneecap you so you were my first patient of the day?” You were still quite irritated with the prank he’d instigated yesterday.

“I wanted to say I was sorry. I guess things just sort of got out of control with the prank thing. It was funny though, you have to admit.”

With a sigh you cross your arms, “Sure. It was funny. The first few hundred condoms that fell out at me.” You say arching a brow, “How many people were in on that bullshit?”

“Last I heard? About 35, maybe 40.” He says sheepishly putting his hands in his pocket.

“You can be a real asshole sometimes Chad, you know that? Things aren’t complicated enough with having Mr. Super-Sensitve following me around all day, you guys have to start the jr. high jokes that just make my day even more interesting.” You say in frustration.

“Crying a lot?” Chad said as it was a common occurrence with volunteers and new staff that was fresh out of medical school. You roll your eyes slightly and give a nod.

“Usually people manage to suck it up by now, but I’m not sure he’s going to pull out of it.” You admit.

“Well, you’ll just have to put up with it for another week, then he’ll be gone.” He says walking you out of the locker room.

“We can only hope.”

A few hours later, you were in a patient's room, busy doing a care. Tom stops by the desk, carrying a bag with him. Nobody's sitting there, so Tom decides to wait patiently for someone to come by. Unfortunately, that person happens to be Chad.

Tom curses internally but puts on a smile. "Hello, Chad. I was just wondering if-"

"Looking for Nurse Hardass?" Chad jokes with that stupid grin of his. "She's busy doing a care right now."

Tom sighs. "Chad, enough. I'm not going to be here that much longer, and I'd really appreciate it if things could just remain civil in that time."

Chad nods. "Fair enough, Hiddleston. So what have you got there? Is that for her?"

"Yes. Since she got called in unexpectedly, I thought I would bring her lunch. Can I leave it with someone since she's busy?" Tom asks.

"Oh, sure. I'll put it in the break room for her and make sure she knows it's there." Chad says. "Um... look, about that little prank I pulled..."

"Chad, if it's alright with you, I'd rather just forget it happened." Tom said, his face stern.

Chad holds up his hands in defense. "Alright, alright. Man, she wasn't kidding about you being sensitive."

Tom's brow furrows. "I'm sorry, what?"

"We were just talking this morning, and she said you've been super sensitive about everything... you know, crying a lot. She thinks you should have sucked it up by now. I mean, hey, I get it. It happens to a lot of volunteers. They want to help, and they think they've got it in them to handle being around people who are ill. But then they see what really goes on, and they can't take it." Chad explains.

"Really...." Tom murmurs, voice tight.

"Look, I know your intentions are good. It's okay if you can't handle it. But you've only got another week, and I think both you and her will be happy to be rid of each other." Chad continues. "I know she can't wait until she's left alone to do her job again. She said she'll be happy when the week is done."

Tom's hands ball into fists at his sides. He swallows and blinks repeatedly, trying to control his emotions. "Right. Well... I'm just going to go."

"Alright, man." Chad says, not seeming to pick up on how upset Tom is. "I'll take this bag to the break room right away."

Tom gives him a curt nod before turning and storming out of the hospital, seething.

You towel off out of the shower and pull on your night gown. Dark purplish red circles stare back at you in the mirror. After pulling the brush thigh your wavy hair, you pop a couple Vicodin.

Just like expected, your period hit. In the middle of a double. And the cramps were bad. You hadn't had one this bad in a long time. It had to be the sex.

You crawled into bed and set your alarm for 6 hours. That would give you time to run before your actual scheduled shift.  
The alarm wakes you right on schedule. As if on cue, someone knocks on the door. You finger comb your hair as you pad through the apartment. You look through the peep hole and its Tom. Did you really want to do this right now offer couldn't it have waited until work?

You sigh and open the door. "Hey you. Sorry about yesterday."

He steps in and to the side as you close the door. "Who do you think you are?"

"Excuse me?"

"This is has been on my mind since yesterday and I really have to ask. Who do you think your are? I've been nothing but nice to you and put up with your bitchy attitude. I've done everything you asked of me at the hospital." He flexes his hands. "And I really deserve an answer after the night before. 

Or maybe I'm just to sensitive and you can't wait to be rid of me."

"Fuck."

"That's about right." His crosses his arms over his chest, his eyes dark and nostrils flared.

Taking a moment to clear your thoughts you just stare at him. Honestly, you preferred this side of him. He didn’t seem so weak and pathetic, but at the same time, you weren’t about to curl up in a ball and back down either. Never in your life had you backed down from a fight, you sure as hell weren’t going to start now.

“Who do I think I am?” You begin trying to keep your temper in check. “You’ve got a lot of brass. You egotistical, over inflated, self-righteous ass!”  
“Sorry!?” He says not certain where you were finding such righteous indignation.

“You feel like I was talking behind your back, is that about right?” You say stepping closer, “Well I was. Grow the fuck up and deal with it. I can only take so much of the pathetic, slobbering, and whining before even my stomach starts to turn. My job is hard enough without having to baby you every single step of the way.”

“What on Earth . . . . how can you . . . . why are you being this way!” He shouts. “My GOD, I have done everything, I have bent over backwards to try and make you understand that I take this entire thing seriously, and still you are finding reasons to hate me!” This was a bit confusing considering the night you had spent together. “Is this all coming about because you think I was using you? I told you that wasn’t my . . . . .”

“Maybe I was using you!” You cut him off abruptly. He looks at you falling silent not having expected you to say that. “I handed you a free pass. I literally let you off the hook so you understood I didn’t have any expectations, there wouldn’t be any complications, but you couldn’t leave it at that. You had to take it further, you had to complicate things. Are you expecting me to THANK you for that!?!”

"Maybe I didn't want to be let off your fucking hook, did you think about that? Probably not, because all you seem to think about is your damn self, so fucking selfish" Tom spat at you. You seethed back through your teeth, "Don't you *dare* call me selfish, you're one one screaming at me in my home." But he wasn't finished. "It's a wonder you were even able to see me when I first set foot on your floor, so stuck in your own little world. I mean, it's a miracle your patients even get the care they deserve from such a bitch nurse like you!"

At the mere mention of your patients, your blood began to boil and you couldn't hold it anymore. "What the FUCK did you just say about my patients?"

Tom froze. He realized he had definitely crossed the line. He also realized he had come too far to back down now. So he stilled his expression- granted, it was still full of anger, but still. "I am not going to ask you again. What the fuck did you just say about my patients? Don't hold back now, tell me how you really feel this time."

He couldn't speak. As you stepped closer to him, Tom felt himself almost shrink in comparison to your growing outrage. He opened and closed his hands, and clenched his jaw, willing it shut to keep from saying one more word he might regret. And then it was your turn for your eyes to grow dark. Until that moment, he never thought it possible to be overpowered by a woman almost a foot shorter than he.

Your voice had returned to it's normal volume, which he interpreted immediately as an absolute danger to his health. "Let me tell you something, Tom. Don't you *ever* speak about my patients. Not one damn word. Not Ryan, not Amanda. And especially Jacob. You don't have a fucking clue what these innocent children have to go through. And you know even less about what it takes to watch them go through it. Do you understand me?"

Tom opened his mouth to say something, but all you cared about was hearing the "yes". You interrupted him before he could begin, "DO YOU....understand me?" He still wore a defiant, cold look in his eye. "Fine," he hissed.

"Good. Now get the fuck out of my house." You turned on your heel for the shower leaving him standing there, your morning run entirely forgotten about.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	3. Code Blue - Chapter 3

You're still fully pissed off when you arrive for your shift. You throw your things in your locker, slamming the door hard enough to startle a couple of nearby co-workers.

Maggie is sitting at the desk when you get there. Her expression is unreadable when she sees you.

You look at your watch. "Well, he's a no-show. Big shocker" you mumble. "No surprise that he abandoned this project."

"You're talking about Tom, I assume?" Maggie asks. "Oh, he's here. He showed up early, in fact. He came in, asked for our boss, and somehow through his clearly seething mood, very calmly demanded to switch floors, effective immediately. He told Doc how you've been treating him. He brought up everything you said... everything you both said, actually. He also told him about the prank Chad orchestrated."

"Oh, that's just bloody perfect" you groan. "Playing tattletale."

Maggie narrows her eyes at you. "You know what? I don't blame him. Aside from that kiss, or whatever you two had going on there, you've been nothing but rude to Tom. Not too short of verbal abuse, that's what Doc said. He's been trying really hard to do well while he's here, and you do nothing but shut him down. How well do you think it's going to go over when he does his film and represents health care employees based on his terrible experience here?" Maggie stands up. "I have go print out something" she says, and walks away.

You stare after her. This is fucking ridiculous. "You know what. I'm done." You walk away from the desk, heading back to the locker room. You grab your purse and your bag, throwing everything in the locker in the bag. One of the newer nurses watches you, confused. You storm down the hall past the now full nurses station headed to the nursing care manager's office. Turning the corner, you bump right into Tom and the manager. He reaches up on reflex to steady you.

"Just the person I was looking for."

"I could say the same. I'm tendering my resignation. Effective immediately."

"What?" Tom looks shocked. "You can't just-"

"I can. And I did. I am." You turn and walk away but your supervisor grabs your wrist.

"(Y/n), hold on a minute. You can't just quit."

"Yes I can." You're furious. Beyond words. The whole nurse's station is staring in disbelief. "I'm tired of working days off for people who don't want to come in. Working doubles to cover for people too fucking hung over, sleeping it off in the treatment room." You look directly at Chad. "And Nurse Hardass won't be here to save your ass next time you almost kill a child because you're not paying attention."

You look directly at Tom. "And you can go fuck yourself. Not me this time."

"(Y/n) wait!" You burst through the ward doors. They slam behind you, effectively dropping the mic.

That evening, you stand in your kitchen on a chair having removed everything from your cupboards as you scrub the walls and shelves of each one. Your hair is tied up in a bandana, and you have music playing to drown out anything else that might bug you. It just seemed like a good time to do some spring cleaning.

When you finish washing all of your dishes and putting them back in their places, you take off your gloves rubbing your face a bit. Coming down off of such a huge outburst of anger, emotional highs, and the aftershock of realizing you had just quit your job without two weeks notice . . . . . you had to do something to keep from losing your mind.

Going to the fridge you take out another beer and pop off the cap taking a deep drink. You didn’t drink when you were on the job, but today . . . . you needed to. You bought a case on the way home and this was the 6th one since you put them in the fridge.

Sweeping the floor, you get out a mop and start to scrub down the tile. Had been a while since you did this level of cleaning, you were usually to tired and didn’t have time. It was almost 9pm when you finished the kitchen and the dining room and even though you were thoroughly grungy, everything was completely clean and sterile.

Picking up the bucket to go dump it out in the bathroom, you stop coming face to face with Tom. You hadn’t heard him come in with the radio still playing, really too loudly this time of night in an apartment complex. Walking over he turns off the radio and everything falls silent. “Don’t you knock.” You say not really feeling like fighting. It wasn’t just that you were physically tired, but the emotional roller-coaster you’d been on all week finally took it’s toll. Walking passed him you go into the bathroom pouring the dirty water out.

“I tried, but you couldn’t hear me.” He says following after you. “I’ve been calling you all day. People from the hospital have been trying to get a hold of you, but your phones been turned off.”

“Yeah well. Pretty sure my immature, epic, bitch-fit said everything didn’t it.” You walk back out of the bathroom flipping off the light going back into the kitchen putting the mop and cleaning supplies back in the broom closet.

You started to walk passed him again but he holds his hands up in front of you to stop you as it seemed you weren’t going to stop long enough to give him the time of day if you could help it. “I came to apologize to you.”

Rolling your eyes you throw up your hands in frustration, “For fucks sake, why?!” You demand really not understanding this.

“Because. You explained to me already how working at the hospital is like working in a small town. Everyone knows everyone else’s business, and the Jr. High bullshit flows freely. I wasn’t seeing it because I haven’t worked there as long as you have, and even then it’s not in the same capacity. I realize that everyone treats me much differently than they would if I were just another nurse or trainee. I know that it’s probably trying to do your job with sick people who need help, while having to be the one mature person in a sea of raging hormones and immaturity is trying enough without adding a wild card like me into the mix whose career has nothing to do with the medical field.” You just stare at him before walking over and picking up your beer taking another large drink. He watched you a moment, “I thought you didn’t drink.” He says softly.

“Yeah well, today I do. Like a fish.” You say taking yet another long drink.

He walks a little closer looking at you, “Your supervisor says in the four years you’ve worked at the hospital you’ve never taken any holidays, and simply skipped your vacations as well as go in whenever you’re called regardless how long it’s been between days off. Is that true?”

“I’m a control freak, haven’t you figured that out yet? I like things to be done a certain way. Can’t get them done correctly if I’m not there.” You say looking at your bottle.

“And it makes it harder on you because you don’t come across others with your work ethic very often, doesn’t it.” He says keeping his voice soft so you knew he was holding up the white flag. You glance at him taking another drink of beer.

“Yeah, then you get names pinned on you like ‘Hard Ass’ and ‘Old Iron Pants’ and some other less complimentary titles that they think I don’t know they call me when I’m not in the room. Because I like to do my job right, and I tend to make sure everyone else is doing their jobs right too.” You sigh crossing your arms leaning against the counter looking at him. “What did you want me to tell Chad? The original prankster who I can tell you wasn’t putting his best efforts into the ‘condom’ gag. He has far worse up his sleeve, and done far worse. You wanted off my floor and I don’t blame you a bit. I’m not usually pushed over the edge like this so easily.”

“Well, after reviewing the facts in their entirety I have to say that I’m surprised you haven’t gone off of the edge before now.” He admits. “I’m not usually prone to fits of tears on a regular basis either, it really has been quite the week. Not what you would call normal days.” You half smile looking at him before looking away finishing your beer. “I didn’t mean to make things more complicated for you. I honestly didn’t. You did give me quite the start when you said what you did at breakfast. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“Well you sort of caught me off guard by what you said too. I didn’t see that one coming out of left field.” You admit turning around and leaning on the counter standing next to him.

“So could we start again?” He asks cautiously trying not to sound to pushy or send you off into another flat out rage.

“What did you have in mind?” You question looking at him.

“Friends?” He questions wondering if that would be an acceptable level of relationship.

You look at him a moment, “With benefits?”

He half smiles looking into your eyes, “Is that what you want?”

“How about a lease with an option to buy?” You say playfully with half a laugh. “Honestly? That’s about the level of commitment I can take right now. Giving or receiving. I had fun with you and everything, but . . . I mean I might be coming off as a total whore right now but, . . . . .” Reaching up you covered your face with your hand. This was just all coming out wrong.

“No no, not at all.” He says reaching over taking your hand pulling you closer, “I like the friends with benefits idea. I have to say, I had fun with you too. Women I’ve been out with before have either been intimidated by me, or try to run me down trying to elicit a wedding ring. Always makes for an awkward date and not usually leaving a desire for a repeat of it.” Reaching up he tucks the stray strand of hair off your face behind your ear. “But with you, . . . . I really did have fun. Perhaps so much that I got a little carried away in trying to push you into something you didn’t want.”

“So then. FWB?” You ask holding out your hand. He smiles and gives a nod taking your hand as you shake.

“Deal.” He agrees. You start to pull your hand away but he raises it quickly to his lips and kisses your knuckles before releasing it. You give him a sly look and he winks at you. Walking over to the fridge you open it taking out another beer. Tom looks past you seeing that all that was in your fridge was beer. It was pretty much empty otherwise. “Have you eaten yet?”

You pop the cap off looking at him taking a sip. He arches a brow giving you a look, “What? It’s hops, it’s barley, it’s a meal.”

“How about I call for some take out.” He suggests. You roll your eyes slightly waving your hand as he was going to pretty much do it anyway and he takes out his phone dialing the local Chinese restaurant walking into the living room.

“Fucking glutton for punishment.” You say under your breath.

While you waited for dinner to be delivered, you took a shower, rinsing off all the dirt from every crevice of your arms, your face, your knees. Even under your fingernails, despite wearing gloves the whole time. You thought about what you had done today, what you had said to your boss. And it hit you like a ton of bricks. You didn't have a job. You had all but told your boss to fuck off, you had essentially abandoned your patients to what you knew were people who couldn't care for them as well as you could, and you had probably burned a bridge. Well not just plain burned. You threw gasoline on it and fired up a blowtorch to it. And it was just a little more than you could take at the moment. But what were you supposed to do? You couldn't exactly go back now, could you?

You cut off the water and wrapped yourself up in the fluffier towel you could find. After drying off a bit, you slid on your favorite sweatpants, the ones that rode low in your hips, and your most comfortable top. You brushed your wet hair out and squeezed the last bit of water out from the tips. Standing in front of your vanity, you spot Tom in the mirror watching you. He's leaned up against the doorway with a satisfied smile. "How long have you been watching me?"

"Only a moment, my dear. Are you hungry? The food is finally here," he said. You only just now realized how hungry you were, having skipped lunch entirely. "Starving!" you exclaimed. He laughed as you walked toward him and then out into the small dining room. "Well then, dinner is served, milady." "Milady? You sound like you've been a part of one too many Shakespeare productions with that, Tom," you giggled at him. "No such thing, I'm afraid, as too much Shakespeare. Only not enough!" he joked back. The two of you sat down to eat.

Throughout dinner, you kept thinking about what to do about work. You couldn't very well not have a job. Although, a break or short vacation certainly sounded appealing. You thought out loud, using Tom as a sound board to work out your plans. "I mean, I have enough to last for a couple months. Working overtime and doubles certainly is good for that. But I don't want to just sit around all day, you know? I need a purpose, I need a reason to get out of bed in the morning. Otherwise I may turn into nothing but a blob on the couch watching soap operas. And that is just NOT what I want."

"Why don't you take a couple days, then?" Tom poses the question. "It's not the worst idea, it might make you feel better. I'll talk to your boss in the morning, if you want, and see what she says. They certainly seemed willing to take you back when I left this evening." You paused. Going back wasn't your first choice, by a long shot. But you couldn't think about what might happen if the wrong nurse got to one of your patients.

Tom continued, "You probably don't have to make a decision right now, but I think you should call them in the morning." You sighed. "I should. And I probably will. Lord knows I can't just leave my little ones in the shit like I did, it's not right for them." "That sounds more like the harass nurse I know," Tom smiled and winked at you.

you pause eating a moment giving him a look. Just because you knew of the names you were called, didn’t mean you wanted them to follow you and be carved into your headstone when you finally kicked. Tom clears his throat realizing you might not have taken that as playfully as he meant it. “Sorry.”

Reaching up you rub your eyes slightly shaking your head, “No, I’m sorry.” You say with a roll of your eyes, “Now who’s being the overly sensitive one.” You poke at your food a moment before you say with a frustrated sigh, “Look . . . thanks for dinner and everything. I appreciate you coming by and waving the white flag at me after I eviscerated you and raked you over the coals, but I think if you stay any longer you’re just going to be subjected to more of the same. I never use PMS as an excuse for anything, but I think this month it’s taken what little sanity I had left and run off with it.”

Tom looks at you understanding you were saying you were on your period without needing further explanation, a bad one it seemed from an outsiders perspective. “Feeling a bit under the weather physically?”

“Oh you have no idea. Bloating, backache, aching all over, cramps . . . .” You pause closing your eyes and cringing that you’d just said that. “Good God I need my mouth taped shut.”

He chuckles a bit, “It’s alright darling, I do know about these things. My parents divorced when I was just a child and I grew up in a house with my mother and two sisters. Once a month things did get rather lively. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

“Yeah as far as sexy conversation goes, that’s really not it, is it.” You arch a brow not minding a bit of kink but that might have crossed your level of adventurousness in that area. “Is it?” Good God you hoped he wasn’t that sort of freak.

“No darling,” He says with a chuckle, “As I said, I understand completely.” He was well aware of the mood such symptoms could put any woman in, and he didn’t blame them for it one bit. You expect him to get up to leave but he just continues eating.

“Okay, yeah. That was a subtle hint for you to pound pavement man.” You say seriously.

He finishes chewing his bite and swallows putting down the box he’d been eating from. “I think I have a better idea.” He stands and disappears into the kitchen for a moment. Wow, you’d just given him fair warning yet it seemed like he had a death wish. Tom comes back carrying with him a large Vanilla Drumstick with him that had fudge filling. He takes your hand pulling you from the floor to the couch giving you the ice cream.

“Ice cream?” Hmmm, maybe his other talents outside of acting was mind reading. You had actually been feeling like you would kill someone for a Klondike bar. Instantly you open the cone and start to eat. Closing your eyes as they nearly roll back in your head at the sinful bliss of it. But you were honestly in no mood to go back out shopping after the beer run. He sits down on the couch pulling your legs up onto his lap before he starts rubbing your feet and ankles. “Oh . . . . fuck.” That felt SO beyond good. Tom just smiles as his strong hands move over your tired and sore feet and legs. You almost devour the cone and lick your fingers, before resting your head back against the arm of the couch. Your entire body starting to surrender and relax under his touches.

The sun shines through the curtains you didn't close. The couch feels extra lumpy and then you remember.

You finished the 30 pack and Tom's skilled hands massaged your bad mood out of your feet, back and neck. You had ended the night passed out and relaxed on top of him on the couch.

He really was a nice guy. If you weren't so emotionally unavailable, he'd be perfect. You watch him sleep. Today was Saturday. You'd make up for the last two by taking your friend shopping.

A knock on the door woke him up. "Hey you." He squeezes you.

"Hey. There's someone at the door." You brace yourself on his shoulders and lift up. The knock continues. You feel nasty and look down. Yup, you bled through. Your head snaps around to Tom. Thankfully, there's none on him. You grab your hoodie and tie it around your waist.

You open the door to Maggie, grinning at you to beat the band. "Olive branch." She holds out two Starbucks venti coffees and a bag of pastries. You leave the door open for her. She shuts it behind her.

Tom emerges from the bathroom. "I'll put on coffee." He leans down and kisses your temple. You close your eyes and savor it then disappear into the bathroom.

"I'm surprised to see you here."

"I could say the same."

"Yea well, we all treated her shitty."

"Agreed. Listen, can you let her know I'm going to my hotel? If she wants to do anything, she has my number."

"Will do."

You hear the door close and come out, dressed for your run. "Thanks for breakfast. I'll eat it after my run."

"Look. I'm trying to apologize. The whole floor is in shock. And Brian has been trying to call you since you left."

"I'll call him on Monday."

Maggie nods. "He said to tell you until he hears from you, he's putting it down as administrative vacation." It's your turn to nod. "Chad's on suspension pending investigation. Brian's not happy with any of us. Including you for covering for everyone."

"I can see that."

Maggie can tell she's being dismissed. She stands from the table. "We need you. Those kids need you. Jacob's been asking about you."

"I'll think about it. I told Tom the same thing."

"Call me later. We need to hang out outside of work again." You walk her out, locking the door behind you. The run would be longer today.

Instead of the usual four or so miles, you didn't even stop to look at your GPS until you had hit almost six that morning. 'Wow, I must have needed this more than I thought,' you mused. Running always gave you a bit of clarity, and it was something you desperately needed after the last week. After you got back to you place, you showered and sat down to enjoy the pastry Maggie had picked up for you. Chocolate croissant, your very favorite. You devoured it, not having had one in a while. As you finished the last bite, your phone rang. It was Tom.

"Good morning, how was your run, darling?" he greeted you. "Very good, and very long today for some reason. I had a lot of stuff on my mind."

"I can imagine so."

"What do you have planned for the day? I hope nothing too strenuous, you need your rest too, you know," you warned him.

"Well, I was hoping you would help me with that. Chris is supposed to get in in just a couple of hours, and Jaimie shortly afterwards. Would you mind coming with me to pick them up? I'd love for you to meet them, and I know they would just adore you, especially Chris."

"Of course Tom, I would love to," you answer. It wasn't every day you got to be Chris Hemsworth's personal welcoming committee.

You and Tom wait patiently in the far side of the security gate for him to walk through, restrictions being what they were. And after a moment, there was no denying Thor himself was casually strolling through the gates. He smiled when he recognized Tom, and Tom grinned back. He grabbed your hand, pulling you closer to the rope. "I can't wait for you to meet him, you'll just love him," Tom gushed to you. As Chris got closer, the two men held their arms out to each other in a hug that indicated just how close they'd become in all their filming.

"It's so good to see you again, Chris!" "I could say the very same, Tom! I'm so excited to be here!" Chris looks over to you and smiles. "Oh, you must be (y/n)," Chris says pulling you in for a hug of your own. His massive upper body practically swallows you up, and he says "Tom has told me so much about you!"

"Oh, has he now?"

Chris smiles as Tom takes his bag for him, “Jaimie is going to be coming in just a few hours, I thought if you were hungry we could get lunch.”

“Sounds wonderful I’m beyond starving. The food on the plane never does seem to improve. No matter what class or airline.” Chris admits. You and Tom help him gather this things before the three of you go to a restaurant that isn’t too far away. It’s what you would call upscale since there is Valet parking.

Once seated and food had been ordered you sip your lemonade having been feeling incredibly thirsty all day. Although admittedly, you were feeling better today then you had the last few weeks. Tom and Chris were throwing out ideas back and forth to each other about what they were going to do as a performance at the hospital. Every once in a while they’d turn to you and see if one of the ideas was plausible and okay for the kids. So far it all seemed very safe and doable and the kids were absolutely going to love it.

Tom and Chris were talking back and forth and you check your watch. Jaimie was going to be getting in pretty soon. “If you take Chris to the hotel I’ll go pick up Jaimie.” You offer.

“Are you sure?” Tom asks.

“I’m less likely to get mobbed if I go. Probably be easier all the way around if I just go.” You say standing putting your purse over your shoulder. He and Chris look at each other giving a nod. You turn to start to leave but paused, “Do you guys want to call her and let her know I’m coming? So she doesn’t think I’m some crazed fan trying to shove her into my car?”

The y laugh before you head out the door. To be honest you were grateful for the reprieve. Although you weren’t exactly star struck by the two of them, it felt weird eating lunch with Loki and Thor.

When Jaimie arrives at the gate you wave to her and she smiles coming over to you. “Tom called and said that you were my ride?” She questions.

“That’s me.” You help her gather her things at the baggage claim before the two of you get into your jeep and you head to the hotel where Chris and Tom were staying and she’d been booked in. “Thank you for flying all the way here to do this. The kids are all going to be so happy and thrilled to see you.”

“I like kids. Tom was incredibly excited about it, and I certainly couldn’t turn him down.” She explained. “Do you work at the hospital?”

“Uh . . . maybe.” You really didn’t know, it was still kinda up in the air. “I’ve been working in the pediatric ward for the past 3 years. I started at the hospital 4 years ago.”

“Tom gushes about you. He’s very impressed by how hard you work with the kids.” Jaimie says with a smile. “It’s really cool what you do. I don’t think I could do it.”

You smile, “You’d be surprised how many people think that. I think Tom struggles with it a bit.”

“I have no doubt. He’s such an incredibly soft heart, kind and generous. No matter what, he’s always got a smile for everyone when we’re onset. And beyond funny.” Jaimie says.

“I’m learning that about him.” You agree.

When you arrive at the hotel, the bell boys unload Jaimie’s things and take her up to her room while you call Tom to let him know she’d arrived and that you had errands to run and were going to take off. He thanks you again for retrieving Jaimie before you hang up and you go out and get back in your car driving away.

You had shopping to do as you couldn’t very well live off of beer by itself, and you needed to get some other supplies and odds and ends. Thank God your period was almost over. This one had been a bad one but at least it went by quickly.

Your fridge and freezer fully stocked and cupboard no longer bare, you open up a bottle of wine and your balcony door. You lean against the banister, watching the your neighbors come and go on the Saturday afternoon. This was so rare. You decide you want music. Thankfully, you plug your phone into your stereo and use your Pandora. CCR seems fitting for the hot summer afternoon.

You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing and wrinkle your nose slightly. You were having some good dreams and the wine had put you to sleep at some point. Reaching over you pick it up seeing Tom’s number popped up.

“Hello?” You say answering the phone.

“Would you like to come out to dinner with me, Chris and Jaimie?” He asks.

“No, I’m okay. Got some laundry I need to get done.”

There’s a long pause before he speaks again, “Are you sure? Because I would really love it if you came with us.”

“I’m sure. You need time with your friends, and I need time with wine and laundry.” You repeat from before. “Go on, I’m fine.”

“Okay. If you’re certain.” He says reluctantly not happy to hear you were drinking again tonight. You were a grown woman, it was your choice. It wasn’t like he didn’t have an occasional drink himself but at the same time the turn around you had was startling. You went from not drinking, to the opposite extreme. “I’ll talk to you again soon.” When he hangs up you toss your phone to the side on the couch before standing and stretching your back. You’d actually already finished your laundry. It was clean, folded and put away. You just didn’t want to go out with the celebrity crowd again. It was incredibly uncomfortable.

Instead, you head into the bathroom and jump into the shower. It was a good time to do some detailing so you soap up and wash a few times before shaving your legs, armpits, and whatever else there was before washing again. When finished you get out of the shower and comb our your hair putting in conditioner before braiding it on either side of your head. You felt much better and thank God, it seemed that time of the month was over and had passed. You didn’t think with everything else going on you were going to make it through another day of that nonsense.

Coming out of the bathroom you turn off the light and head into the kitchen. You stop midstep before coming back into the living room and putting your hand on your hip. “Do you have a key or something to my apartment I don’t know about?”

Tom smiles, “You never lock your door. You should, it isn’t safe.”

“I thought you were going to dinner?”

“I did. That was 3 hours ago.” Huh? You check the time. Wow, you were in the shower forever. You had no idea you’d taken so long. “Everything alright?”

“Fine. Just . . . showering.” You shook your head wondering why on earth you’d taken so long. “So shouldn’t you be with Jaimie and Chris?”

“It was a long flight for both of them. They wanted to have an early night so we could get a fresh start in the morning. Our costumes are supposed to arrive tomorrow evening.” He reported, “I thought I’d come by and bring desert.” He said holding up a bag. You half smile shaking your head. He was very sweet, and very brave to keep coming to your apartment after seeing how witchy you could be to anyone and everything regardless of how nice they were trying to be. You sigh and give a nod in surrender sitting down at the table with him as he hands you a small box and a fork before taking out his own sitting next to you.

Opening the box you find New York cheesecake with a huge dab of whipped cream and fresh strawberries. Taking a bite it was definitely sinfully delicious. He certainly knew how to spoil you didn’t he.

"Tom, as long as you bring this with you every time you come, you will never have to worry about coming in unannounced," you said, you head tilted back and your eyes closed. You heard his signature "Ehehehe", and couldn't help but laugh yourself. You peeked your eyes open and saw him looking at you quite intently.

"What? What are you looking at, do I have something on my face?" you worry. You brought a hand to your mouth to feel for anything, but Tom reaches for it and brings it to his own mouth. His eyes darken just a bit as he placed a small kiss in your palm and whispered, "No, my dear...nothing."

You felt your heart quicken as you stared back at him, and he released your hand gently. He reached over and brushed a lock of your bangs out of your eyes. "Eat up darling...you need your energy." You felt your breath hitch just a little as you reply, "Do I?"

A small sly grin crept up on Tom's face. "Yes, I've been concerned about you. You don't eat nearly as well as you need to. I intend to fix that." "And you thought cheesecake would be a good place to start?" you said with your own little grin.

"Well...I knew you would like it."

He wasn't wrong about that, that's for sure.

"Do you have to up early? Do you need to be getting back to your hotel?" you ask, hoping for the answer you had already written the script for in your head.

"No sweetheart...I don't have anywhere to be in the morning," Tom answered you.

Perfect.

You and Tom adjourn to your room settling in for the evening. He’s lying on his side leaning up on his elbow as he looks into your eyes. You’re sitting cross legged looking at him telling him some story about when you started to work at the hospital.

“. . . . so the chart mix up diagnosed a pregnancy as a broken leg. The guy was in the maternity ward, and the woman was down waiting to get a cast put on her perfectly healthy leg.” You end the story. Tom laughs.

“That seems like something that would be visually obvious.” He admits.

“It was. But sometimes people just go by the charts regardless of what they see. God forbid they ask the person what they’re in for.” You say with a shrug taking a drink of your water.

Reaching over he rests his hand on your thigh stroking your knee gently with his thumb thinking about the night you’d spent together. You smile a bit looking into his eyes a moment then you lean forward kissing him deeply.

Tom closes his eyes and kisses you back, “mmmm.” He says softly against your lips as your tongues meet and dance tasting each other. Sitting up he wraps his arms around you, sliding his hands under your pajama shirt and up your back feeling your warm soft skin. Before pulling it up over your head and tossing it to the floor.

You grin as your fingertips unbutton his shirt before he shrugs it off pulling his arms from it before wrapping his arms around you again. With one swift move he turns and lays you down in the pillows looking down into your eyes with a grin. You can’t help but giggle. As thin as he was, you would never guess he was so incredibly strong, but apparently looks could be deceiving. He begins to kiss you again as his hand slides down over your breasts to your abdomen and into your pajama bottoms stroking your hidden warm soft pink flesh.

You close your eyes and gasp at the wonderful sensation it causes, almost making your legs shake. Your hands cling to his shoulders before moving down his back feeling the strong muscles beneath your fingertips causing a shudder to go down your spine.

Hardly able to contain your growing excitement you wrap your leg around his waist and flip you both over to lay on his back as you straddle him looking down into his eyes as your hands rest on his chest. Tom chuckles slightly seeing how eager you were. His hands rests on your thighs before moving up over your hips to your waist. “You are so lovely.” He breaths stroking your body.

You can’t help but smile as you rub your body against his firm member through his jeans. He groans at the sensation as his eyes close and he leans his head back into the pillows his large strong hands stroking your sides.

“You’re easy on the eyes yourself.” You say with a smile. He really was something else, actually coming back after your huge melt down at work, going off on him to the point he had actually requested to change floors ahead of schedule. How many people would bother to find out the whole story and the facts behind it rather then just wash their hands of the whole thing and keep their distance?

“Why do you put up with me?” You ask softly.

“Because you’re worth it.” He says reaching up and caressing your face. “I love your smile, the way your face lights up. And I love being the one to make you smile.”

You grin before leaning down and devouring his lips again. He had such a charismatic charm about him, you couldn’t imagine anyone turning him down if he wanted them. He moans enjoying your taste, one of his hands sliding up your back and into your hair as the passion between you grew.

The two of you roll over again so that you’re on your back and he lay over the top of you between your thighs. Reaching down between the two of you, you unbuckle his belt and open his trousers releasing him from his confines. Grasping him firmly in his hand you start to eagerly stroke him causing his eyes to close and his body to quiver. You grin feeling how painfully hard he’d become so quickly.

He leans down tasting you again, wrapping his hand around the back of your knee he parts your thighs a bit more brushing against your wet entrance that was beyond ready to receive him. Slowly he pushes inside of you groaning at the pure bliss of it. Eagerly he begins to move deep inside of you, sliding his arms beneath your body and embracing you tight seeking out your lips and devouring them.

He felt so incredibly wonderful it made every part of your body tingle and writhe at the sensations. Your hips begin to move in time with his as you cling to each other in desperate need of more. After a few moments you push him up to roll over onto his back as you begin to move your body on his throbbing member deep inside of you. Sitting up straight you begin to ride him hard and steady watching his reactions. As he begins to reach his climax, his hands wrap around your hips guiding you as his hips begin to thrust up into your deepest depths. You cry out at the pleasure of it moving a bit faster than before.

His legs begin to shake as he can feel himself nearing but desperately wanting to bring you to your pleasure first. He sits up beneath you, his hands petting your back as your hands cling to his shoulders. You continue to move a bit harder still as your body started to tremble and shake. He leans forward kissing your chest, then each breast. You throw your head back and cry out as your body quivers and shakes in his arms causing him to cum deep inside of you at the same time. He embraces you tight against his body, resting his face between your breasts gasping for air. Your hand still cling to his shoulders before sliding up into his hair grasping it gently clinging back to him as well.

As your bodies writhe together riding out the aftershocks of your efforts, he leans his head back looking up at you. You smile before leaning down and kissing him anxiously enjoying the taste of him. Both of your bodies covered in a slight sheen of sweat. You continue to kiss each other in fevered passion before Tom leans forward laying you back down on the bed beneath him.

After a moment he moves from your lips and trails kisses down your face to your chest, his hands massaging your breasts firmly before he suckles each one, enjoying the taste and the feel of your firm nipples against his tongue. Your body quivers at his attentions. He seemed to enjoy your breasts in particular which made you smile a bit. Then he continues to lavish kisses down your body, his hands caressing and exploring every inch. He rests his cheek to your belly for a moment, enjoying the softness of your form against him. Your fingers slide gently through his hair as he rests his stubbly cheek against your skin.

He began to explore your body further kissing across your belly down to your abdomen. Reaching down he wraps his arms around your thighs opening them wide before settling between them. Leaning down he slides his tongue along your secret hidden entrance which was already extremely sensitive from your activities so far. Your entire body quivers, the intense sensations he causes almost to much for you to bare as your legs uncontrollably shake around him. You can only take a few moments of his eager suckling at your clit before you sit up reaching down and pulling him into a desperate fevered kiss. His arms encircle you holding you tight before laying you back down beneath him, your bodies writhing against each other.

You never experienced such overwhelming passion with anyone, but this man . . . this man seemed to bring out every passionate feeling inside of you. You would eagerly commit every sin in the book with him with no regrets whatsoever.

The night was just beginning, and neither of you planed to waste a single moment.

You feel him tense beneath the ministrations of your lips and tongue. His hands twist in your hair and in the sheets. You look up the long line of his body. His head thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open producing those delicious moans that turned you on even more. His body bowed off the bed. "Don't stop. I'm so so very close." His breathless words pulled your nipples into painful peaks. Your mouth and hand stroke him in time. His veins are like cords in his arms as he pulls on your hair. He barely has time to choke out the word but his orgasm hits.

You don't stop, milking him with cheeks and tongue, taking everything he had to give. He collapsed onto the bed, like a puppet cut loose their strings. His chest heaved, as he licked his lips and struggled to catch his breath. You took a drink from the can of Coke sitting on the night stand.

"My darling, you've finished me. I don't think I can go again."

"That was the intention." You lay on your side next to him, tracing the lines of his muscles.

He blinks and props himself up onto his elbows. "You have the most exquisite mouth."

Your laughter draws a boyish smile from him. He tackles you, a hand at the base of your neck bringing your mouth to his. You taste yourself and him and the soda. The kiss mingling in a salty, sweet and not unpleasant mix. It grows. Your hands roam his smooth skin, eager to touch him wherever you can.

He reaches between you, finding you slick and ready. You're both so sensitive that it doesn't take long before his long, hard thrusts lose their rhythm. His fingers teasing your clit into one more explosion of pleasure. Gasping and shaking, you don't even bother to move. He falls on his side and pulls you to him. Reaching blindly over the side of the bed, he pulls the comforter.

"Sleep, my insatiable pet."

"Insatiable? Only because I'm with you."

He laughs and kisses your forehead. "You give me too much credit." You snuggle into his chest just as your alarm goes off. You both groan and laugh before you turn it off.

"Sleep."

"Yes. Sleep."

The two of you are sitting in a café having lunch making conversation back and forth. He was incredibly anxious and excited about their appearance at the hospital tomorrow. Apparently Chris and Jaimie were just as excited and very enthusiastic.

“You’re coming, aren’t you?” Tom asks you.

“I don’t know. If I go back just for that I’m going to catch hell from every direction.” You say with a sigh.

“But you’re going back.” He says.

You arch a brow looking at him before giving a sigh, “I don’t really have much of a choice. Job market kind of sucks and if I just leave without two weeks notice that’s going to follow me around on my work record for the rest of my existence. So yeah, I’m going back.”

Tom smiles, “Things will probably get better now that everything is out in the open. Things are bound to crack down now at least for a while.” Reaching over he takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. “I’ve got to go meet Jaimie and Chris. Our costumes have arrived and the costume mistress wants to do a fitting to make sure everything is in order for tomorrow.”

“Okay. I’ve got some errands to run anyway.” The two of you stand after Tom pays the check and you head out of the restaurant going your separate ways. 

After finishing the last of your errands and coming home, your phone chimed.

*All done, everything is perfect for tomorrow. We're so excited! -T.*

*Good! I can't wait to see them, I bet they look better in person, haha.*

*Are you busy? Have you eaten? I'd love for you to join us, we're going just around the corner. -T.*

You hesitated. You were still not really comfortable eating dinner casually with movie stars, even if Tom was there. But you also knew he would probably be quite persistent. And you were right- a couple minutes later,

*Please? I really would like you to hear some of the things we talked about today (Insert puppy dog eyes here) . -T*

You sighed as you put the last of your dry cleaning in your closet. He was not going to go down without a fight, and you were getting to where you didn't really want to fight with him anyway. It was getting harder to say no to him.

*All right, I'll be there. What time?*

*In about an hour, is that all right? -T*

*Yes, that's plenty of time. I'll see you then.*

You rolled your eyes at yourself and hoped it wouldn't be as awkward as you thought. But if you were going to go, you were going to go in style. You reached back into your closet for your favorite little sundress, the blue one with the strappy back and the soft fabric that hugged every one of your curves just enough you knew it would be difficult for Tom to keep his eyes off you. If one thing was certain, it was that you were really getting used to that.

You laid everything out including the matching sandals, slipped in for a quick shower, touched up your makeup, got dressed, and headed around the corner. You decided to walk as it was so close, and as you rounded the block, you saw the three of them. Jaimie and Chris waved and you waved back, while you legitimately saw Tom's jaw drop. Just the entrance you were hoping for.

During the course of dinner, you found Tom’s hand on your thigh, and every once in a while he wrap his arm around you. It was alright, to a point. To be honest you were dressed to kill and you did it on purpose just to torment him. However you were realizing now that you may have been giving him the wrong idea. His eyes would sparkle when they looked at you, and he considered this to be a date of course. Which in itself was alright, you could go on dates with him.

However it seemed you were going to have to remind him about your arrangement, and what a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship entailed. If he started to get lovey dovey on you again, you were going to have to stomp on him and you didn’t want to do that. It was starting to cross your mind that maybe he couldn’t handle a FWB situation.

“I’ve told Chris and Jaimie all about Jacob.” Tom says with a smile, “And the fact that he seems to favor Thor above all others in the movie.” He says with a sly look.

“Well, I am supposed to be the hero after all Tom. Last time I checked the script you were slotted as the Villain.” He teases.

“Jacob will be thrilled you see you all. He hasn’t put down his Thor action figure for more than two minutes since he came to the hospital, and the entire staff and most of the pediatric ward can recite Thor, Avengers, and Thor 2 by heart he’s watched the movies so many times.” You explain. Looking over to Jaimie you wondered about her character. Specifically you wondered if maybe she could get through to Amanda. Amanda, although very depressed and short tempered, would watch the movies when they were on sometimes in the playroom. She seemed very interested in Lady Sif, but whenever someone caught her watching, she would look away and grow sullen again. Perhaps seeing Lady Sif in person might do something for her morale. But you weren’t going to put that on Jaimie, instead you were going to wait and see if Amanda responded to her being there.

“He sounds like an exceptional little boy.” Chris says.

“Oh he is.” Tom says with a grin, “He has such a good attitude despite his circumstances.”

As dinner finishes, Tom was planning on going back to their hotel with Chris and Jaimie but wants to walk you to your car first. He tells them he’ll be right back and escorts you to your jeep in the parking lot. You unlock your door and toss your purse into the passenger seat turning around to face Tom. But before you can get a word in edge wise, he wraps his hands around your waist and devours your lips anxiously. You’re a little surprised but can’t help wrapping your arms around his neck and retuning the kiss. He tasted and felt so wonderful.

However you pull back clearing your throat and straightening your dress looking into his eyes. He can see the seriousness on your face. “What’s wrong?” He questions.

“Friends. With. Benefits.” You practically spell out hoping it was clear enough.

“Ah.” He says realizing that he might have been a little hands on during the course of the evening. “Too much?”

“Little bit. We aren’t dating, remember?” He slides his hands in his pockets and gives a nod. How did he do that? He looked like a little boy who had just received a through scolding. You sigh giving him a look feeling like the wicked witch of the west. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” You climb into your car and he puts his hand on the door starting to close it. However he stops and leans in stealing a kiss.

He grins, “Good night lovely lady.” He says with a wink before closing the door and making his way back to Jaimie and Chris that were waiting for him. You give him a look before shaking your head and pulling out of the parking lot heading home.

Unlocking the door to your apartment, you come to realize it's time to get back into the swing of things. You sigh as you remove your sandals, and drop your earrings on the entry table. You move to the kitchen, where you pull out the rest of the wine. You hated to waste it, but you knew you couldn't finish it. So you pulled out an ice cube tray and filled it with the rest of the wine. "For soup later this week..." you said to no one in particular. As you closed the freezer, you opened the fridge portion again. There was still a few beers left, so you put them in a bag and hung it on your neighbor's door handle. Being a young guy who worked in sales, you knew they would be appreciated and, more importantly, consumed by someone other than you. You retreated to your bedroom where you got ready for bed. You washed off your makeup and brushed your teeth, then slipped on your softest pajamas. Tomorrow was going to be a very long day, and it was going to start early...

Meanwhile, Tom was still awake with Chris in his hotel room, and was demanding details. "No, come on! Tell me about this girl you couldn't keep your eyes off the entire meal! I want to know!" Tom blushed ferociously as Chris pried for details. "There's not much to tell, honestly! I've told you everything! She's a very lovely woman, and we've become good friends through this process. She's taught me a lot about how to care for someone in that capacity, and how to make it authentic and real--"

"Yeah, that's not all she's taught you, apparently," Chris teased, taking a sip of his drink.

Tom lifted an eyebrow Chris' direction and asked, "What do you mean?" Chris just laughed.

"Like me and Jaimie missed that kiss? You should know me better than that, we're practically brothers." Tom could feel his face getting hotter and he smiled.

"Yes, well...we're just friends, nothing more. We've just gotten really close, and..." Tom trailed off.

"You want more?" Chris assumed. Tom looked at him with more than just a little bit of wistfulness.

"I just see how happy you are, you know? And I wish I had a bit of that. You have the most beautiful children, Chris, and you know I want that." Chris set his drink down on the table and walked over to Tom, putting a massive arm around his shoulders.

"I know. And I know when it happens for you, you'll be incredible at it. And I also know if this girl, no matter how pretty or sweet or smart she is, if she doesn't realize what she has, she's a world-class idiot."

You arrive at the pediatric ward in street clothes. Maggie waves from the nurse's station. You wave back but head to Brian's office. You hear voices talking excitedly. Four to be exact.

Knocking softly, you peek your head in the door.

"There she is."

"We were worried you wouldn't show up."

"Well I needed to talk to Brian and there is nothing that will stop me from seeing the look on Jacob's face."

"We better be getting ready. It takes almost an hour to get in full costume." Tom squeezes your shoulder as he passes. Chris and Jamie nod then share a look.

"I'm glad you've decided to come back."

"You might not be when you hear what I have to say."

"Okay. . ."

He gestures for you to sit. "For starters, I want to thank you for not taking my resignation during my hissy fit."

"I knew you didn't mean it."

"At the time I did. Second, I'd like to take another 2 weeks of vacation. Until Tom's Job shadowing is done. I think it will be a distraction for both of us."

"So the rumors are true?"

"That were fucking like rabbits? Yea."

"I see." Brian rubbed his chin. "Alright."

"Third, Chad is not to come back into this ward."

"I can't promise that."

"He's a careless jaded prick. These kids don't need that. Transfer him. Trade him. I don't care."

"I'll see what I can do." He sighed. "Anything else?"

"One more thing." Brian opens both his hands. "I want to be in on any interviews for this floor."

"No. But I will consult you before any hiring is done."

"I can live with that."

"So how are things with Mr. H.?" You sprawl it your legs and lay you hands on your stomach. "He keeps trying for more but I don't want that. I'm an emotionally unavailable divorced nurse. And he's Mr. Perfect."

"Is that so bad?"

"Michael was Mr. Perfect. Until he tried to make me June Cleaver. I'm not housewife and mother material. I never have been. And I feel really weird talking to you about this."

He laughs. "I'm used to it. I have that over share with me face."

"If I wanted a relationship, Tom would be it. But what happens when he realizes that he's this young, handsome, dead sexy, smart, talented millionaire?"

"I think he knows that."

"He knows it. But does he realize it? And I'm a divorced nurse with anger management issues on the wrong side of 30 who never fulfilled her dream? He'll realize that too. No matter how beautiful he says I am or how mind blowing the sex is." You sigh and stand, rubbing your hands on your jeans. "I better go get the kids into the playroom."

"Enjoy your vacation." You nod then stand. Knocking on Jacob's door, you don the mask. "Hey buddy, want to watch Thor on the big TV in playroom?"

"(Y/n)! You came back! Chad said you quit."

"I'm just taking a vacation but I wanted to come tell you." You help him into the wheel chair and grab his movie.

Starting Thor 2: The Dark World everyone is sitting together in the play room. Jacob has his Thor figure in his hand and many of the children are reciting some of the catch phrases as they go by. Before the attack on Asgard begins, Thor and Sif walk into the playroom.

“What strange place is this? So many Midgardian children gathered watching images of our adventures in Asgard.”The children all pause and gasp starring at the two Asgardian’s who were in full costume. Sif holding her sword and Shield, and of course Thor with his Hammer. Many of the children were looking that the TV screen and back at Thor and Sif seeing that they were indeed the same characters and not some cheap knock off look a likes.

“Thor!” Many of them shouted and started to clap and cheer. Jacob starred wide eyed at the two actors completely in shock. He looked at his action figure before looking back at Chris. You could see his face light up and the bright smile that swept his face. You smile kneeling beside Jacob watching him as his excitement grew.

Tom hadn’t come in yet, as Thor and Sif were going to set it up so he could make an entrance of some kind. But first Chris and Jaimie were going to spend a little time with the children and even watch some of the movie with them. Thor walked over to you knowing that the boy you would be with would be Jacob.

“You must be Jacob.” Chris says in his deep commanding thunder God voice. Jacob stares up at him in wide eyed awe nodding.

"I've heard tales of your bravery on Asgard, and I am honored to be in the presence of such a fierce warrior," Chris continued. Jacob couldn't believe his ears, and you thought for sure his eyes would come right out of his head. He nodded at Chris. You watched with equally rapt attention. Jacob had always held a very special place in your heart, and to even play a tiny role in this made your heart swell. You felt the tears sting your eyes, but they were different this time. They were happy. Not hurtful like they had been for so long.

Your eyes searched the playroom for Jaimie, and you found her, a bit to your shock, with Amanda. Even more shocking was she seemed to be getting through to her. As you quietly watched, you saw them smile at each other. You couldn't hear what they were saying, but whatever it was was working. Then your mouth almost hit the floor as you saw Amanda pull out her phone to snap a picture. You had never, in all the week's she'd been here, ever seen her reach out like that to anyone.

You cleared your throat to help try and clear the tears away. This was a moment to be smiling, not crying- not even happy tears.

You looked around you. Every child was smitten with Thor and Lady Sif and you could hardly believe it yourself. And suddenly the mood switched a full 180.

"Puny Midgardians, you believe yourself worthy of the presence of a god? Even one as witless as as Thor?" Loki growled. Your skin immediately grew goosebumps and you shivered as you turned to face Tom. And you could hardly believe your eyes. In front of you was not the man you had come to befriend over the last week, but a menacing and imposing animal. He snarled at the scene before him. "My dear brother...always so accommodating to Midgardians. What in the Nine Realms for? They serve no purpose but to be crushed under my boot."

"Loki, you know that to be false. These Midgardians want no quarrel with you, just leave them be. They are under my protection." 'Loki' continued, "An ant has no quarrel with a boot." This was turning out to be a bigger production than you ever thought it would be. "These little ones are here for healing after they have fought battles, many of them still fighting," 'Thor' explained.

"Oh? And I suppose that's supposed to stop me?" 'Loki' challenged with raised eyebrows. He looked over to you and a chill ran down your spine. "And what are you? You certainly aren't small enough to one of them. Am I to assume you're their healer?"

'Loki' took a step toward you, boots crunching on the soft tile. He turned into Tom just for a moment, enough time to mouth the words 'play along' to you.

"I am," you breathe out.

"Is that so? Well, if you're such a marvelous healer, I may take you back to Asgard with me...I need a healer of my own, and I intend to have the very best." Jacob watched the interaction between you two, and suddenly shouted, "You can't take her! She's *my* healer!! I won't let you!"

'Loki' chuckled evilly, and turned on his heel to face Jacob. 'Thor' stood at full attention to block any harm. "There will be no kidnappings today, brother. Nor any harm come these children." "For you maybe, Thor...but I do what I want!"

And with that, the two 'brothers' began a small fight play. This was far more than you ever thought possible. It only lasted a few seconds, and before long, 'Loki' was overpowered. 'Thor' produced the movie cuffs and slapped them on 'Loki'. And all the children cheered.

'Loki' looked around the room, defeated and sullen. As his eyes landed on you, you shuddered again. It was a little different this time. A little further south than the one before it. "I may return for you, Midgardian healer. In time." "You will not harm her, Loki. She is needed here to help these warriors recover from their own battles."

Jacob chimed in again, "You go back to Asgard, Loki! And don't you come back!!" All the children joined in, shouting "Yeah!" 'Thor' took Loki by one arm, while 'Sif' took the other. "We shall return in a moment, as soon as we find a holding place for Thor's ill-behaved brother. Dear Healer, do you know if a place where we can keep him until the All father calls him back home?" 'Sif' asked. Realizing she was talking to you, your head popped up and you replied, "Yes, there is a room he can wait in. I'll show you the way." You turn to lead the way out of the playroom and the three follow you. Jaimie and Chris drop Tom off and hurry back to the playroom to meet with more of the children. You turn to Tom and, in a whisper, tell him, "That was fucking incredible."

 

(Next Chapter-->)


	4. Code Blue - Chapter 4

"I've heard tales of your bravery on Asgard, and I am honored to be in the presence of such a fierce warrior," Chris continued. Jacob couldn't believe his ears, and you thought for sure his eyes would come right out of his head. He nodded at Chris. You watched with equally rapt attention. Jacob had always held a very special place in your heart, and to even play a tiny role in this made your heart swell. You felt the tears sting your eyes, but they were different this time. They were happy. Not hurtful like they had been for so long.

Your eyes searched the playroom for Jaimie, and you found her, a bit to your shock, with Amanda. Even more shocking was she seemed to be getting through to her. As you quietly watched, you saw them smile at each other. You couldn't hear what they were saying, but whatever it was was working. Then your mouth almost hit the floor as you saw Amanda pull out her phone to snap a picture. You had never, in all the week's she'd been here, ever seen her reach out like that to anyone.

You cleared your throat to help try and clear the tears away. This was a moment to be smiling, not crying- not even happy tears.

You looked around you. Every child was smitten with Thor and Lady Sif and you could hardly believe it yourself. And suddenly the mood switched a full 180.

"Puny Midgardians, you believe yourself worthy of the presence of a god? Even one as witless as as Thor?" Loki growled. Your skin immediately grew goosebumps and you shivered as you turned to face Tom. And you could hardly believe your eyes. In front of you was not the man you had come to befriend over the last week, but a menacing and imposing animal. He snarled at the scene before him. "My dear brother...always so accommodating to Midgardians. What in the Nine Realms for? They serve no purpose but to be crushed under my boot."

"Loki, you know that to be false. These Midgardians want no quarrel with you, just leave them be. They are under my protection." 'Loki' continued, "An ant has no quarrel with a boot." This was turning out to be a bigger production than you ever thought it would be. "These little ones are here for healing after they have fought battles, many of them still fighting," 'Thor' explained.

"Oh? And I suppose that's supposed to stop me?" 'Loki' challenged with raised eyebrows. He looked over to you and a chill ran down your spine. "And what are you? You certainly aren't small enough to one of them. Am I to assume you're their healer?"

'Loki' took a step toward you, boots crunching on the soft tile. He turned into Tom just for a moment, enough time to mouth the words 'play along' to you.

"I am," you breathe out.

"Is that so? Well, if you're such a marvelous healer, I may take you back to Asgard with me...I need a healer of my own, and I intend to have the very best." Jacob watched the interaction between you two, and suddenly shouted, "You can't take her! She's *my* healer!! I won't let you!"

'Loki' chuckled evilly, and turned on his heel to face Jacob. 'Thor' stood at full attention to block any harm. "There will be no kidnappings today, brother. Nor any harm come these children." "For you maybe, Thor...but I do what I want!"

And with that, the two 'brothers' began a small fight play. This was far more than you ever thought possible. It only lasted a few seconds, and before long, 'Loki' was overpowered. 'Thor' produced the movie cuffs and slapped them on 'Loki'. And all the children cheered.

'Loki' looked around the room, defeated and sullen. As his eyes landed on you, you shuddered again. It was a little different this time. A little further south than the one before it. "I may return for you, Midgardian healer. In time." "You will not harm her, Loki. She is needed here to help these warriors recover from their own battles."

Jacob chimed in again, "You go back to Asgard, Loki! And don't you come back!!" All the children joined in, shouting "Yeah!" 'Thor' took Loki by one arm, while 'Sif' took the other. "We shall return in a moment, as soon as we find a holding place for Thor's ill-behaved brother. Dear Healer, do you know if a place where we can keep him until the Allfather calls him back home?" 'Sif' asked. Realizing she was talking to you, your head popped up and you replied, "Yes, there is a room he can wait in. I'll show you the way." You turn to lead the way out of the playroom and the three follow you. Jaimie and Chris drop Tom off and hurry back to the playroom to meet with more of the children. You turn to Tom and, in a whisper, tell him, "That was fucking incredible."

Once out of ear shot of the playroom, you turn to Tom. "I think Jacob would have been on your side until you threatened to take me."

He laughs. "I'm not so sure about that."

You walk together slowly down the hall and around the corner. A playful look in your eye. "Do you have to take the costume off?"

He grins. "Not right this second. Why?"

You slip your hand under his cape and grab the side of his back plate. "Perhaps I'd like to kneel for the rightful king of Asgard."

"Oh really?" His grin widens and he lifts his cuffed hands over your head, pulling you into a deep kiss. "Look how far you've fallen."

You know he can feel the the shudder run through you. "Maybe we should head back to my apartment THEN meet up with Chris and Jamie for dinner."

"That's as a spectacular idea."

You finally hear the pounding on the glass and look to the observation glass of the playroom. "Shit." Some of the children look shocked but Chris, Jamie and Jacob are grinning. Jacob gives Loki the thumbs up and Tom returns it as best he can. "I thought we were far enough away."

Tom ehehehehe's then kisses you again. "You're healing Loki in a way he desperately needs."

"Desperately?"

"He is a man whore after all." 

"And am I do be his latest conquest?"

"I believe it is you have conquered me." He lifts his arms above your head. "I'll go wait for by the elevator."

"You do that."

You hurry back into the playroom. "I can explain."

The older kids bust up laughing. You kneel next to Jacob. "I'm going to help heal Loki's heart during my vacation. You know how sad Loki is Jacob." You glance at Chris.

"Yea. If anyone can make Loki feel better, it's you." Chris slips you the key to the movie cuffs.  
You kiss Jacob's forehead through the mask then hurry to the elevator.

Tom turns as you run up and the elevator doors open. The people in the lobby stare on as you push him back into the elevator. "You're mine now."

The doors close and you all but attack him. His hands still bound, it made it that much easier. You walk him back against the back wall of the elevator roughly, and slide your hands into his wig. You prayed it would stay put as you tugged on it gently. Tom didn't move his hands up this time, but further down, fingering the seam in your jeans. You moaned into his mouth and he bit your lip in response. His stroking got more insistent as the elevator glided down to the employee parking level on the deck.

With more than a pinch of luck, no one got on at any of the passing floors. It finally dinged at the two of you, and you both made a dash for you Jeep. Digging into your purse, you whipped your keys out and unlocked it. Tom struggled to get his door open while still in the cuffs, so as he finally managed the door, you leaned over in your seat and unlocked them. They fell from his wrists with a click. "Thank you, darling, I'm not sure I would have been able to do too much with those on," he said, rubbing his wrists. "We can't have that, not right now," you responded.

Tom grinned at you and raised an eyebrow. His Loki certainly was showing as he uttered to you, "Well, not in my case anyway. You, on the other hand..."

You were trying to keep your foot off the gas pedal but every few minutes you had to slow down. The cops in London tended to crack down pretty hard, especially with the car you drove. Apparently only criminals and hot rods drove Jeeps.

The car is hardly parked when you both jump out of the jeep heading up to your apartment. You’re digging in your bag for your apartment key as Tom wraps his hands around your waist and kisses your neck. With an evil grin he leans close to your ear and does a low Loki growl that makes your entire body shutter. “Oh you devious bastard.” You say closing your eyes leaning your head back against his shoulder a moment just trying to regain the ability to breathe in your excitement.

Your fingers grasp your apartment key and fumbles around opening the door. You turn around and wrap your arm around Tom’s neck kissing him deeply as the two of you nearly fall through the door. He reaches back with his foot kicking the door closed as he wraps his arms around your middle nearly picking you up off the floor walking you backwards further into the apartment.

The pair of you fall to the couch with him on top. The weight of the costume a delicious press as he settles between your legs, grinding the leather and metal into your softness. You squeak into his mouth. He leans up enough to gruffly tug the tee shirt off and fling it. He bends as best he can in the costume to kiss and bite the swell of your breasts. Your head is thrown back. He props himself up. "This isn't working the way I want."

You shove him onto his butt. "Sit down." You kneel between his legs. Your skillful fingers slipping between the plates and his erection. You find the snaps for his groin plate and it falls away. His bulge presses against the linen pants.

His groan is music when free him and take him into your mouth. His fingers close around your hair as his hips lift up. His gasp is hissed through gritted teeth. His thrusts move with your mouth.

He grabs your shoulders and pulls you up. "Pants off. Now." You wriggle out of the jeans. "Leave the panties on." He grabs your wrist and pulls you down into his lap. His fingers find your opening, hot and wet. You rest your hands on his shoulders, his at your waist

This was even more exciting then when you’d been together before. It never occurred to you just how hot you thought Loki was, all those dozens of times Jacob had made you watch the Thor and Avengers movies. You rub your body against him, before reaching down between you and stroking his already stiff hard member.

He closes his eyes leaning his head back and you can’t help but lean down and press your teeth to that long smooth muscled neck. Then you run your tongue up tracing the line over his chin to his lips. Good God that was a lot of pancake. Probably were going to abstain from the licking of his skin until he showered that crap off.

Reaching up you rub your tongue on your arm to get it off before cupping his face and devouring his lips. He holds your waist, as you reach down sliding him to your entrance that was beyond ready for him and he slowly pushes you down onto him. You close your eyes and you gasp as you let your weight drive you down onto him, filling your body completely. Breathing deeply he looks up at you, watching your face as your strong thighs start to move you up and back down as his hands move to grasp your hips to guide you.

Suddenly he looked up at you with his jaw set, and grabbed the back of your head. He balled your hair into his fist, pulling you closer to him. And he growled in your ear, "Say my name."

You clenched around him as you whisper, "Loki..." "Louder."

"Loki," you said, just a notch above. He pulled your hair again and thrust harder into you, and you unleashed a moan you knew he could feel in his bones. "I won't ask you again- Say. My. Name." You took a moment to glance at him. He was like an animal. His eyes wide, his pupils dilated, his teeth all but bared, like he would bite you at any moment. Just the sight of that made you almost come undone.

You began to slam down onto him faster, and the familiar tingling in your core started working its way into your fingertips, down to your toes, and in between your thighs. You started chanting almost incoherently, "Loki! Loki! Oh god!!" He reached down and started worrying your clit with the pad of his thumb, and it was all you needed. You spasmed around him, milking his cock for every fiber you could get from him. And you felt him release into you. He let go your hair as he pulled you to him, pressing his body to yours, and you threw your head back to ride out the rest of your orgasm.

Coming down and catching your breath, you leaned your head forward into his shoulder and placed your hand on his chest. He took it into his and kissed it- the back, your knuckles, your palm, everywhere he could touch. The two of you caught your breath slowly, and you asked him, "When do the costumes need to be returned?"

"Tomorrow morning," he replied. He was 'Tom' again. He reached up and stroked your hair. "I didn't realize you liked the costume so much," he said quietly.

"Neither did I," you laugh. "If only I had known...I would have called them sooner." He winked at you. "What time are we meeting Chris and Jaimie?"

"Not til later, darling," he answered. "Which gives us time for these," Tom suggested, holding up the cuffs with one long finger.

The next morning you open your eyes hearing the shower turned on in the bathroom. You roll over stretching your body with your arms over your head with a contented sigh. You couldn’t help but smile to yourself remembering the fun that you had with Tom the night before. You never had such a wonderful and enthusiastic lover like him.

Getting up you see that Tom has gathered the Loki costumed and set it out neatly for him to return to the Marvel Costume people. You rub your head slightly before going into the kitchen and putting a pot of coffee on. Morning wasn’t really your time, regardless of what had transpired the night before.

The water in the bathroom turns off as the coffee percolates on the stove. You yawn taking out some eggs and sausage cooking them up putting some toast in the toaster as well. You managed to get everything on the plate still hot and at the same time just in time for Tom to come out of the bathroom all washed, shaven, and clean for the day. “Morning darling.” He says kissing your cheek before taking his plate and sitting down at the table.

“Morning.” You grin mischievously, “Loki.” He grins thankful that he’d been able to come home with you still wearing the costume. The two of you did have quite the night and plenty of fun.

“So are you coming back to the hospital?” He questions.

“I’m taking my vacation time. Made a few conditions . . . or ultimatums and it looks as though they’re meet almost all of them.” You say sitting down starting to eat your own breakfast with a fresh cup of coffee.

“When will you be back?” He questions.

“Two weeks.” You answer taking a drink of your coffee. He slows his chewing.

“Two weeks?” He says a little surprised. “My shadowing at the hospital will be done by then.”

“Exactly the point.” You say with a sigh, “Tom, things have been nothing but complicated since we started working together. Not just for us but for everyone on the floor. According to Chad not only was our department and the entire floor involved with that prank, half the hospital staff was. It’s distracting for other people taking attention away from their jobs. Their jobs that can’t afford to have their focus shifted on anything away from their patients.” You explain.

His eyes turn down as he pokes his food slightly, “I can understand that I suppose.” There it was again. That hung puppy dog look that made you instantly feel like the big green meanie. “I don’t like the idea of not seeing you every day though.”

“You wouldn’t be seeing me even if I was there. You’re moving onto another department today. You wouldn’t be shadowing me on my floor anymore.” You remind him.

“Still. If you were there I could pop in for lunch with you now and then. See how you’re doing, catch up a bit.” You still didn’t believe he was going to continue to show interest in you once he’d moved on to the next department, and after that leaving the hospital all together.

“It’s better this way. For both of us. For everyone involved really.” You take another drink of your coffee.

Tom slowly lays his utensils down. "I don't get you."

"Not this again."

"Yes. I've put up with a great deal in the last two weeks. And it's not because I'm a push over. It's because I genuinely like you and enjoy your company. When you're not being a purposely combative bitch."

"Hey!"

"Look. I'm not looking for forever love. But it is so bad that we can care about each other?"

"Yes." You push your half finished plate away. "Tom, you're great. You are literally perfect. But I'm not. And when you realize that, you'll have ruined my contentment."

"(Y/n), I know you're far from perfect. Despite what you think, I'm not perfect either." He pushes his plate away. "We agreed to have fun together but you keep getting in the way of that. I can accept your reasoning behind the vacation. But for you to say pushing me away is anything other than a scared little girl trying to protect herself from being hurt, you're lying to yourself as much as your lying to me." He stands and kisses your head before you can twist away. "Think about it. And call me." He gathers up the costume and leaves. You hear Chris's voice outside the door.

You sighed leaning back in your chair crossing your arms. That was a mouthful out of someone who didn’t know very much if anything about your past. You had kept those cards pretty close to your chest. You hated bringing others into your drama. Perhaps it was why you were so eager to help people. You could focus on them instead of your own tragic and pathetic life.”

“Jack ass.” You mumble under your breath as you clear the table and go into the kitchen to wash dishes and put them away.

A week goes by, and you were stubborn as ever still believing that Tom had long since moved on. You didn’t chase after guys. You did that before and it only ended up in heartbreak for you. Perhaps it was best to cut it off when he did, before you got to attached and could really get hurt by his lack of understanding.

It’s nearly 7pm when you’re sitting in at the end of your sofa reading a book and drinking some chamomile tea. It isn’t long before you start to doze off, and then your head falls back against the sofa and you’re fast asleep. This vacation you took gave you time to do a lot of things you’d been putting off. You finished spring cleaning your apartment, repaired a few things that needed to be mended or replaced, went shopping and got some new shoes finally, and actually went to get a mani-pedi earlier in the day. It was lovely. Maybe this vacation was really something you needed. When you went back into work, you’d be in a better mood and fully refreshed. In a much better mood and more pleasant to be around.

Every once in a while Tom would creep into your thoughts, but you would quickly push him right back out again. You had enough drama in your life, you didn’t need more. Besides, he’d be going off to film soon and then he would have really left you behind. He probably didn’t even give you another thought since he stormed out of your apartment.

But your mind would wonder back to the two nights you spent together. The boy had stamina, and you never went so many rounds with a guy in a night as you managed with him. Definitely fucking like bunny rabbits. But he was so handsome, so charismatic, and even though you found it annoying sometimes incredibly positive and optimistic. There was something attractive about that, even though cheery people did get on your nerves after a while.

Yet these thoughts and the feelings of longing and desire and pure lust they invoked were no match for your stubbornness. You even deleted his number out of your phone so you wouldn’t be weak and call him. No. You were getting far too attached. He seemed to like you so much, only God knew why.

It didn’t make any sense. You handed the man a free pass. What guy would pass that up? Hot and heavy sex and then able to walk away. Cleanly sever all ties, no muss, no fuss. You had fun together, why did he have to complicate things? Scared? Damn right you’re scared. As messy as your divorce was, as childish as your ex became . . . you were put off men completely for a long time. It was such a horrid experience. When you started dating again, it was strictly one night stands. Men you didn’t know because you wouldn’t have to see them again. Wouldn’t have to face them another day. Wouldn’t have to deal with their bullshit.

Even though you rationalized it in every way, talked yourself around all the cons of it, your mind still kept wondering back to him. But your pride and your stubbornness would never allow you to call him. After a week, he probably wasn’t even expecting it anymore. Moved on to the next piece of ass. But you did have fun though. A lot of fun. The kind of fun you could get used to.

It was such a conundrum.

On your last Monday off, you fell onto the couch with a huge sense of satisfaction. You had gotten so much accomplished that day- you finished cleaning out the last of your closet, and had decided on a new paint color for your bedroom. A smile crossed your face as you flipped through a magazine looking at the last little accessories you wanted to add to your new look. There was a knock at the door, and you called out, "Coming!" You padded across the carpet with your smile- you just couldn't seem to shake it, not that you wanted to- and slowly swung the door open. If you were looking for a way to lose your smile, you had found it. Because in the doorway with his hung puppy dog expression was Tom.

You could hardly speak, seeing him, and he looked like he only half-expected you to even open the door. After a moment, he finally spoke up.

"Hi. I'm really so sorry to come over unannounced," Tom squeaked out. He was holding something in his hand.

You found your words again as you replied, stuttering, "No, uh, it's all right. Um- yeah, it's fine."

"Could I come in? I have something for you," he asked. You hesitated. You knew where this might lead, and you had just gotten off that path. At least, you thought so. He could sense your apprehension and quickly added, "It's from Jacob, I promised him I would deliver it to you myself." Jacob. Now you were positive, that little boy would be the very death of you. You softened at the very mention of his name. "Oh...um, yeah. Come in," you told him as you opened the door for him. Tom followed behind you and shut the door behind him. You walked into the kitchen and pulled out a water bottle from the fridge and offered him one as well. "Thank you," he said accepting it. He sat on one of your new barstools and placed the contents of his hand on the counter.

"What is it you have from Jacob?" "Well, I went and saw him today after my shift. He really misses you, you know? I really don't think his current nurse is very good."

"I was afraid of that...he doesn't respond well with most of the other nurses," you said. "Yes. Well, he had made you this, and made me promise to bring it to you. He wouldn't take no for an answer," Tom finished explaining. He slid the piece of paper across the countertop to you and you picked it up. It was the cutest homemade creation you had ever seen. There were hearts and bubbles and stars, and even a drawing of Mjolnir on it. You were touched. You gasped quietly and placed a hand over your heart. Tears welled up in your eyes as you read the little boy's scribble:

"I miss you very much! Please come back and be my nurse soon!! Love Jacob. Ps, I hope Loki is feeling better too. He probably is because you are the best nurse ever, but he has to give you back. He promised!"

You sniffled. Tom watched you as you silently read. He watched your eyes get misty and threaten to spill over, and got up from his stool and walked over to you. He leaned on the counter facing you, as you re-read the card over and over, committing the words to your memory. You looked up at him with a nod. "That is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me. And it came from a five-year-old boy."

"He certainly is a treasure, isn't he? And I have to tell you, he was very disappointed I wasn't there last week...because you just wouldn't believe who was there," Tom said with a smile. That million-watt smile that lit up an entire room. "Oh, I bet I can imagine who was there," you say in turn. He laughs and you feel him step closer to you. You recoil just a little, but he notices.

"Please don't do that." "Do what?" you ask, hoping he didn't mean what you thought he meant. "You know what. Pull away from me like I have the plague or something."

"I wasn't doing anything," you say, walking around him to the fridge to look for a magnet. It served a double purpose- you really did want to hang up Jacob's artwork on the fridge, but it also allowed you some breathing room from Tom. You needed a physical separation if you were to survive the next few minutes.

He conceded for the moment and let it go. Tom looked up you and asked, "How has your time off been?"

"Good. I'm getting a lot done. I didn't realize just how much gets away from you if you don't have time." He smiled knowing all too well what that was like, hardly ever being at home himself. 

"Good, that's good to hear. I like to know you're happy. Even if not relaxing, like you should."

You looked at him and your pride started to rear its head again. 'Don't let him in, he's only going to hurt you, just like your ex. All of them.'

"I have to be honest with you," he says. "I actually have something from me, as well." You froze.

What could he possibly have? "What is it?" you ask. "Well, to be very honest, it's something you can give me."

Your stomach clenched and you couldn't blink. Your mouth went dry. "What?"

"I want to know why you haven't called me. And I want to know the real reason."

You take a breath looking at him. Why was he still pressing this? Why did he persist? Wasn’t the fact that you had just gone almost your entire vacation without contacting him proof that he was no match for you in the test of wills?

“I had a lot of things to do.” You say taking a sip of your water. “And as I understand it, you’ve been busy studying for your upcoming role.”

“Actually, it seems that the shooting schedule has been pushed back a few months. Production company complications it seems.” He admits.

You arch a brow, “What does that mean for you? Do you have anything lined up to fill your time until then?”

“Not much. A few commercials, my agency has a truckload of scripts for me to read. I’m certain I’ll be kept hopping.” He says leaning against the counter as it falls awkwardly silent again. He takes a breath, “You still haven’t given me a real answer. A diplomatic one maybe, but not a real one.” He looks at you, “Why do you keep pushing me away?”

“I didn’t. You did the pushing last time.” You counter almost immediately on the defensive.

Reaching up he rubs his eyes slightly. “When we were together, I mean really together. Those nights we spent. . . .completely wearing each other out . . . you were open with me. You allowed yourself to be vulnerable. I could feel it.” He turns towards you stepping closer looking down into your eyes. “You let me make love to you.” He says softly.

“No, we had sex. Just sex Tom.” You snap starting to turn away but he gently catches your wrist pulling you back.

“It’s not a dirty word, darling. But each time it comes up, each time such an emotion is even approached every single defense, every single wall you’ve built flies up and you start pushing me away again. Even caring about each other because it seems like you count it as gateway emotion to the one you fear the most.” He explains.

“That isn’t . . . . you don’t know what your. . . . you’re wrong.” How did he do that? That thing where he could just see right through you and read you like you were an open book for all to see. Everyone else just dismissed you as a hard ass bitch, moved on, and gave you a wide birth. Why did he insist on sticking around poking through the wreckage?

“No I’m not.” He says. “You can’t hide from me, darling. You’ve let me in now, and I’m not ready to leave yet.” He leans down a little closer his voice still soft and gentle, “You need someone who isn’t going to let you pull away. This life you’ve chosen for yourself, this life of loneliness? It’s a waste. You cut yourself off from everyone. You don’t have to do that.”

“What do you want me to say?” This was the most vulnerable you felt in a long time, and you really didn’t like it. “Do you want me to say how wrong you are? Do you want me to say that my divorce just about ripped me to shreds? That the whole reason he eviscerated me was because he wanted children and after 3 miscarriages he blamed me for causing them all? Like I was personally fucking up HIS life? Never mind my having an emotional nervous breakdown after the last one because he’d managed to convince me that it really was my fault. I spent almost a month under suicide watch in a county mental facility that he put me in. Oh he accused me of plenty on the way out the door, of cheating on him, of stealing from our joint accounts that HE cleaned out himself, of ruining our credit, of doing drugs, and anything else he could get away with. Betrayal?” You pulled your hand away from his. “You don’t even know the meaning of the word.”

Tom was silent a moment before speaking, “How long ago was this?” He questioned. It was a harsh moment, however you were opening up to him. Once again you were vulnerable with him, and this might be the only chance he had to get you to talk to him. Even if he could see how angry you were remembering all of this, talking of it out loud, and feeling the pain of it flooding back.

“8 years ago.” You cross your arms shaking your head, “He of course moved on with his life. Found a younger woman who could give him the children he wanted. He has 2 now. A boy and a girl. Last I heard he was expecting a 3rd. And they are all very happy. A perfect family.” Taking a breath you sigh, “I moved here 7 years ago. Because I couldn’t take it. I wanted to get as far away from my old life as I could. All of the allegations he held against me were dropped as there was no proof. There wouldn’t be, he made it all up. But he got out of paying alimony because of it. I had some friends who had connections; they pulled a few strings to get things scrubbed off my record so it wouldn’t interfere with my getting work. My career.”

He listens quietly and can see the tears that you’re holding back, fighting to keep from falling. You’d cried enough and you weren’t going to shed another tear over it. Reaching up you rubbed your temples slightly not believing you just told him all of that. No one here knew of any of that, you’d kept it quiet to yourself. Even though after you were released from the mental hospital, it was a condition that you continued seeing a therapist you didn’t. You weren’t crazy, you weren’t being paranoid, and somehow actually going to see a shrink or taking the meds they wanted you to take was like saying your Ex was right. All of those lies he told about you would only be proven if you let them force you to appointments and pills down your throat.

So many things made sense to him now. You had such a strong maternal instinct, you worked with kids, you cared about them so very much. You wanted to be a mother and your ex acting like the complete jackass he was towards you when he should have been understanding a supporting you only made your loss even more devastating. “I’m sorry.” Was all he could muster after listening to everything you tell him. You roll your eyes slightly not knowing why you let him push you into doing that. Tom walks closer looking down into your eyes as he takes your hands in his. “Not everyone is as self-centered as that, darling. Not everyone is only concerned with themselves and what they want. If all you want to be is friends with me, that’s fine. But you don’t have to be afraid that I’m going to hurt you or betray your trust because I promise you now, I give you my word that I will never turn on you like that.” He says sincerely looking into your eyes.

“It’s not that easy.” You say your voice much softer now even though you felt shaky and exposed inside. “You want children as much as I did; you’ve said it many times to many interviewers. This is not where you’re going to find them.”

He looks into your eyes before reaching up and gently sliding his fingers through your hair tucking it behind your ear. “Not every relationship has to lead to children. We have fun together, don’t we?” He questions.

“You know we do.” You say softly.

“So let’s keep having fun. There’s no reason not to. I enjoy your company very much.” He wraps his arms around you lacing his hands together at the small of your back drawing you closer looking down into your eyes. “Just spend some time together, doing whatever we want. Whatever we like that’s fun, or exciting, or just to enjoy one another. Would it be so terribly bad to have someone to do things with?” He questions. “What do you think?”

You sigh slightly looking up into his eyes not understanding him very well at all. “I think you’re a masochist.”

He smiles mischievously, “Not all the time.” He says in his low Loki growl. Oh God, you had dreams about that night you got to spend with the Norse trickster God. You’d done role play before but not on that level. Tom honestly didn’t half ass anything, and he could have in that particular situation and you wouldn’t mind one bit. You couldn’t suppress the smile that swept your face remembering just how exhilarating and exciting that entire night was. Tom grins, “See, we do have fun together.”

You look down a moment, “You aren’t going to try to push things past friends with benefits, right?”

He pauses before giving a nod, “If that isn’t something you want, I won’t press the issue. But just because I do something nice for you, or perhaps we’re having a day when we can’t keep our hands to ourselves, you don’t have to run. It’s not an indication that it’s going somewhere past the point you want it too. Alright?”

You think on it before giving a nod. He smiles and kisses your cheek before rubbing your shoulders wanting you to relax around him. He looks at his watch, “How about a late dinner?” He questions. “There’s a place not far away that serves all night long. It’s a bit of a club though.”

“How dressed up do I have to get?” You question.

He smiles, “No, no. Not that sort of a club. One with dancing, a DJ, tons of alcohol, that sort of thing.”

“Hmm.” You think about it before giving a nod, “Let me change.” He grins and kisses your cheek giving a nod as you go to your room and change into tight jeans, and a nice blouse before putting in ear rings and a necklace, putting on a small bit of eye makeup pulling on your sandals that showed off your pedicure you’d gotten earlier in the day. Was nice to have an excuse and opportunity to show it off. You look at the clock as it took you 20 minutes to get ready, definitely a new record.

Tom stands seeing you coming out of your room a jean jacket over your arm. “You look lovely.” He compliments with a smile taking your jacket and holding it for you as you slip your arms in it putting it on. He opens the door for you letting you out first before following after.

You ride together to the club in his Jag, and he reaches over and takes your hand. He strokes your knuckles with the pad of his thumb, tracing little patterns. As you arrive, you make a mental decision not to drink that night- it had already been stressful enough, and dealing with a hangover tomorrow morning would not help. You both climb out of the car, and Tom hands the keys to the valet and takes his ticket. "After you, my dear," he says, leading you through the door. "Such a gentleman," you tease. He smiles slyly at your remark.

The club hostess immediately recognizes who Tom is, and, being very appreciative of the situation, tucks the two of you in a smaller corner table with a good deal of privacy. The music isn't blaring, but just loud enough to give the place a definite party atmosphere. Tom orders for the two of you- just a couple light snacks almost. You talk about what's happened over the last week and his adventures in radiology.

"I legitimately thought I was going to pass out when I saw that x-ray! I have never in my life seen a broken bone like that, ever. The technician said I went white as a sheet!" Tom told you. All you could do was giggle at him. "And you're supposed to be playing a doctor? I don't know how you think you're going to pull this off, fainting in the x-ray department!" you joke with him through your laugh. He blushed a bit, perceptible even in the low lighting. "Yes, I know...I need to work on that part, don't I?"

"Yes, I think you do. Strong stomachs make good doctors, and I'd hate to see you not nail this role after all this work you've put in."

Your meals came and you began to eat slowly, still listening to him tell you about what else he had seen and done the past week. You didn't want to talk too much- you felt like you had said quite enough at home. But you were happy to listen. As you finished eating, you noticed the club really had turned into a dance club. And Tom was eager to get you out on the floor.

"Oh my, I don't know about that. I'm not a very good dancer, Tom," you tried to talk your way out of it. "No, I won't accept that answer- lets go! It'll be fun, I promise, come on!" he pleaded with you. He took your hand in his, looking so hopeful and excited. You really couldn't say no to that face, could you? Puppy dog eyes always worked on you, and Tom was the champion of puppy dog eyes. After a sigh, you conceded. "All right, let's go, Moves Like Jagger."

He couldn't hide an ounce of the excitement in his face as he all but dragged on you out onto the floor. He started dancing immediately, pulling you close to him and wrapping his arms around you to keep you close. He had a move for every song, every tempo. He was so in his element, and you loved being a part of it in that moment. He spun you around and twirled you all over. He dipped you and writhed against you, and you felt his breath catch as he watched you. The more he danced, the more you wanted to match his pace, so you threw all caution aside and gave in to the music. Every fiber of your being poured itself into the beat and belonged to the music. You didn't even k ow what they were playing and you didn't even care at that moment. Tom watched you with a huge smile, and you laughed. At him, at yourself, at the fact that you were happy. You hadn't felt that in a long time. You forgot how good that felt.

You felt something else, too. As Tom danced with you, you felt your wall start to shrink. It was only a few bricks, but they were taken down. And he was holding them. 'Don't run,' your brain said to you. You paused. He was finishing up the most ridiculous move he'd done so far- he was spinning in circles with one hand raised high in the air, and his foot stomping. He turned to face you and saw you were still.

"Is everything all right? Are you tired?" he asked. You smiled and nodded. "Everything is fine," you answered, placing a hand in his cheek. He smiled back. "I am a little tired, though."

"Come on, let's get you home. It is a bit late, sweet," Tom said. You nodded and headed to the table for your jacket and purse. He went out to get the car, and it was ready by the time you made it outside.

He stayed with you that night. He knew how upset you had been earlier and didn't want you to be alone if you got upset again. As he lay behind you in bed, you could help but notice- he held his hand over your stomach. His thumb would twitch occasionally, rubbing the soft skin. It was comforting, to think that this part of you you thought was broken, was the first part he would cling to. The first part he would protect. You laced your fingers in between his and sighed. 'It's either you or Jacob that'll kill me...I just haven't decided which yet,' you thought to yourself as you slipped into sleep.

You press the pedal to floor and turn the wheel. "I'm gonna get your ass, Hiddleston!" His ehehehehe answered you. Your go cart moves up to the side of his but can't overtake him before the finish line. You both jerk to a stop.

"What was that?" He takes off his helmet. You lumber out of the go cart and hand yours off to the attendant.

"Yea yea." His hands rest on your waist as he walks you backward off the track. His lips find your neck but the intent is to tickle not arouse and that's just what they do. Your laughter draws attention. 

"Batting cages."

"You're on." You both don helmets and grab a bat. The first ball you crack off into a bas hit. So is the second. The third is a home run.

"I probably should have warned you. I was Miss Softball for years running in high school."

"Cheeky." You blow him a kiss and take a couple more pitches before letting him have a go. After 10 swings, none of which are pretty, he hands you the bat. "What next?"

"Skee ball?"

"Skee ball." He moves behind you and takes your hands. You tilt your head back and nip his next.

You were glad he'd begged off work and dragged you out. "Loser cooks dinner."

"You're on. I hope your posh ass knows how to cook a steak on the grill cuz you're going down."

"Later." He growls and nips your ear. You close your eyes and let the sound vibrate through you.

 

"Evil bastard."

Walking around looking at Tom’s living room, you sip the glass of coke in your hand. It was much more posh then you imagined it was, but you’d never really lived in anything but a flat or apartment. It was lovely, but you had a feeling there was no way he did his own house keeping.

“So what do you think?” Tom says coming back into the living room.

“I’m thinking . . . there is no way you would ever really have to work in a hospital.” You give him a sly look taking a sip of your soda. “Did you ever have a real job?”

“Of course. I waited tables when I was a teenager.” You smile at the thought of that. “It’s where I learned that I never wanted to be rude to anyone if I could help it.” He gave you a look, “And acting is a real job, thank you very much.”

“Real lucrative maybe, but I wouldn’t call it a real job.” He takes a sip of his own drink putting his hand on his waist looking at you waiting to hear your theory. “Basically you get paid to be a kid all day. Play dress up, and pretend. You do it very well I grant you, but it’s pretty much just make-believe all day every day.”

He didn’t quite know how to respond to that. “I think you’ve over simplified it.” You just smile at him with a shrewd look taking another drink of your soda.

You look at your watch, “It’s getting late, I should be getting home.” Walking over to the bar you put down your glass. Tom quickly follows you gently catching your wrist.

“Actually . . . I thought you could stay here, with me, tonight. You’ve let me stay with you several times.” He offers. You look at him suspiciously a moment. “I have a very comfortable bed. It’s massive. Too massive for one person really.” He adds.

You keep your side eye on Tom as he continued to convince you to stay. It honestly wouldn't take much, but you so liked to see him beg, just a little. "Please? It really does get terribly lonely in there, by myself."

"I don't know, I mean, I don't even have a toothbrush over here," you tease. "I've got one for you. It's still in the package, never used it. It can be your very own to use," Tom sweetened the deal.

"My very own toothbrush?" you respond with an affect. "Well, how can a girl say no to *that*?" You laughed as Tom smiled and rolled his eyes. "Come on, you little git," you said as he wrapped an arm around you, leading you into his bedroom.

It was decorated as posh as the rest of his home, and very inviting. Especially the bed. It was a beautiful four-poster one, with a dark-stained headboard offset by clean white sheets. And it was just as massive as Tom had promised. You took a look around the room to see the rest of the furnishings. Either he had an interior decorator, or the man had taste. You went for the latter.

He moved into the bathroom and you heard him rummaging through the drawers. You followed behind him as he pulled a toothbrush out from a drawer and placed it on the counter for you. He saw your reflection in the mirror standing in the doorway, and started to blush. "I hope you don't mind, but...I took a bit of a liberty for you."

"What's that?"

"I remembered what kind of those cute little pajamas you like to wear, and I got you a new pair...to maybe just keep here, if that's all right." Tom got a bit sheepish. You bit your lip for a moment, and then remembered his speech from the other day. This was probably just one of those nice things he wanted to do for you that he talked about. And to be honest, it was quite nice- those cute little shorts you liked so much didn't exactly come cheap. You saw them sitting on the bathroom counter with the matching top, ready and waiting for you.

"That was very sweet of you, thank you," you responded. The words broke the tension on his face as he walked towards you. "I'll let you get ready, then."

You brushed your teeth and washed up, then slid your new pajamas on. He'd done good, even guessing your favorite color and your size correctly. You came out of the bathroom a few minutes later and saw him sitting on top of the blankets reading a script. "Is that for the show?" you ask. "Yeah, it is. I'm really getting into this character, he has a lot of depth and I think it'll be quite fun, actually."

As he talks, you pull the covers back on one side of the bed and slide into the sheets. And it was like sliding into a cloud made of marshmallows and puppy dogs, it was so soft. "Ohhhh my god, Tom...I am never leaving this bed, ever," you groan.

He grins slipping into the bed beside you, wrapping an arm around your warm body as he looks down into your eyes. “I wouldn’t mind that one bit. Of course, I’m not sure how much sleep you would be getting.”

You look up into his beautiful eyes. “Hmm. Ulterior motives to having me stay over I see?”

“Uh . . . no. No not at all.” He says withdrawing his arm not wanting you to think that he presumed or expected anything. “We don’t have to . . . . anything . . .”

Before he can draw back further you grin and reach up wrapping your arm around his neck pulling him back over you as you anxiously taste his lips. He’s only hesitant for a moment before he groans sliding his arms back underneath you.

After a moment you press your hands to his chest, wrapping your leg around his hip, with one swift move you flip him over onto his back straddling his abdomen. He grins looking up at you realizing that you had been teasing more than anything. He was still getting used to your sense of humor. “You are so easy.” You say sticking your tongue out at him slightly as he rests his hands to your thighs stroking his long fingers over them as he gazes at you. Your smile fades a little seeing the way he was looking at you, “What?”

A small smile remains on his lips as he shakes his head a little. He couldn’t help but appreciate how beautiful you were, but he was afraid now of complimenting you too much. “Nothing darling.” He says softly, before reaching up and caressing your face with the back of his fingers. His touch was so gentle, so tender.

He really was a sweet guy. Such a hopeless romantic, and so innocent in so many ways. It would have been nice to meet him before your idiot ex, Michael, managed to mind fuck you thoroughly. You were completely wrecked and jaded, and you were completely aware of that. Your hands rested on his strong firm chest. He’d been working out for a while, no doubt for his latest role. You imagined that most actors tried to keep themselves in shape for whatever might come along.

“Can I ask you something.” Tom says as his hands rest over your thighs again looking up at you. “Without you getting upset or feeling as though you have to bolt out my door?”

Oh this couldn’t be good. But you’d come to an understanding and so far you’d been getting along and obeying the rules. “Okay.” You say with a nod.

He gazes up at you another moment before sitting up beneath you wrapping his arms around you embracing your body tight to his. “Will you ever let me make love to you?” He whispers.

That was exactly what you were afraid of, “Tom, we talked about this already . . .”

“That isn’t what I mean.” He says quickly. “I find you . . . irresistible, unbelievably hot, and completely sexy. And the passion we share is . . . unfathomable. The lust between us is absolutely off the charts.” He quiets and you can feel him embrace you a bit tighter. “But I would very much like to try to take things slow. To take the time to appreciate and caress every inch of your beautiful body. Every line, every curve, not missing a single thing. I want to learn every part of you.”

You took a breath not certain if you wanted to let that happen. You’d been far too vulnerable and open with him already. Somehow, inside, it felt like it would give him power over you. When up until this point things seemed pretty even in your sexcapades. Reaching up you stroke his face with your fingertips looking down into his sincere and hopeful eyes. The way he looked at you, like you were the greatest thing since sliced bread. God, you wanted to let him in but you couldn’t. You try to speak to give him his answer but no words came out.

Closing your eyes you shake your head in a silent ‘no’ feeling a knot in your chest that you couldn’t just give in. Give him what he seemed to want so much. Resting your forehead against his you take a ragged breath hating yourself for not being able to let him in like that. “No” you whisper your voice cracking slightly almost as if to apologize.

Tom sighs in disappointment and closes his eyes, sliding his hand gently into your hair embracing you tight when he felt your tremble. You weren’t going to cry, your pride and disgust with yourself for being this way wouldn’t allow you to. He simply holds you close wishing there was some way to get you to trust him. Sex with you was absolutely phenomenal, wonderful, and exhilarating . . . . but he wanted desperately to show you what more there was beyond just carnal lust. To show you what it felt like to be touched and held by strong, caring hands that just wanted to show you how special and beautiful you really were.

Sitting on your couch dozing off while trying to read your book your cell phone rings pulling you back awake. You reach over picking it up off the coffee table and answer it. “Hello?”

“Hey you.” You hear Tom’s voice rubbing your eyes before looking at the clock.

“Do you know what time it is?” You question thinking it was rather late at night for him to be ringing you.

“Yes, but I needed to talk to you about something.” He begins. You sigh and wait to hear his excuse. “I’m going to meet a director who is interested in casting me in a leading role in an action movie. My agency has arranged for me to stay a week in Paris while things get sorted out and decided on. Would you like to come with me?”

You blink looking at the clock a moment thinking this a strange reason to be calling you at 2am. “I can’t. I have to work.”

“You still have 8 days of vacation left you can take and we’d only be there 5 days. Instead of just staying at home doing chores, this would be a real vacation for you.” He explains. “Luke always sets me up pretty well in great hotels. They spoil me rotten to be honest.” You fall silent as he waits to hear your answer. The pause draws out a bit further. “Come on, it’s a few days out of the country in one of those most beautiful cities in the world. Have you ever been there?”

“No. I’ve never set foot in France.” You admit.

“Well all the more reason for you to cease this opportunity. Come on, it’ll be fun. We could do some sightseeing, try out a few restaurants, some gourmet cuisine. . . . .” He continues.

“Uh, Tom. I’ve never been there but I know they consider Frog Legs to be France’s version of Fish and Chips. I don’t really want to spend a week munching on Kermit.” You answer.

“Come on darling, please?” He says.”You don’t have to pay for anything it’s all taken care of.” There’s a pause, “But the reason I called you this late is because we’d be leaving tomorrow night.”

He really was relentlessly persistent. You fall silent considering his offer, the pros and cons of it. Finally you sigh rubbing your eyes knowing in the end you’re just going to give in, “France?”

You settle into your seat on the train. Traveling with Tom certainly had it's advantages, and sitting in the Premier section of the Eurostar was definitely one of them. You had always wanted to take the train to Paris, but had never gotten around to it- work always got in the way. Tom sat to your right on the aisle seat and pulled the movie treatment out of his bag. "Is this the role they want you for?" you ask, peeking at the cover. "Yes, that's it. 'One In The Chamber'...it's a bit James Bond-ish to me, I think I like it."

"Maybe you'll be the next Sean Connery if you play this one right," you said positively. Tom sits down next to you and drawls in your ear in his best Scottish accent, "Do you really think so, my darling? I certainly hope I do." It sent a shiver down your spine. A sly smile sneaked across his face as you turned to look at him. "Don't do that again without warning, Mr. Hiddleston. We are in public, you know." He ehehehe'd at your reaction and kissed your temple. After a moment, he said to you, "Thank you, for coming. These things have a tendency to get terribly lonely when I'm by myself."

He turned to face him and smiled. "You're welcome. I've wanted to see Paris for a little while anyway, I've just never taken the time." "Well, I'm very glad you're taking it with me," he smiled back at you. As the train departed the station, he took your hand into his and started reading the treatment, looking for who-knows-what. You flipped through your own book, looking over at him occasionally. He was very deep in thought about it- leaning forward, brow furrowed, mouth set in almost a scowl. You breathed out a laugh at him, and he turned around catching you. "What's so funny, my dear?"

"You really are much too intense about this, it's just an action film."

"Maybe to you, but I take my job very seriously. It's not just some shoot-em-up. I like to think I have what it takes to fill the shoes of this character...even if you think acting isn't a real job," he defended. You could tell he was feeling just a bit attacked, and you felt a pang of guilt. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." "No...but it's all right. Just, please don't say it again," Tom stated. You shook your head at him in agreement. "I won't, I promise."

He nodded. You stroked his the back of his hand with your thumb and he softened his expression. He couldn't stay mad at you, and you used it to your advantage this time. He leaned back from his spot hunched over the table to give you a small kiss.

As he pulled back, he glanced out the window and smiled wide. "Look," he told you. And your eyes widened. Right outside was the Eiffel Tower, lit up like a Christmas tree. Your jaw dropped as you gasped. You had always seen it in pictures and movies, but nothing compared to seeing it firsthand like this. "It's so beautiful!" you exclaimed. All you could do was stare, and you were thankful there was no one in the seats across from you to watch you gawk like a little girl. You felt Tom squeeze your hand and whisper to you, "Not so beautiful as other sights I see, darling."

You literally could not stop looking at the Eiffel Tower. The view from the balcony of your room was simply breathtaking. Tom's fingertips touched the small of your back. They glide up your spine and into your hair. You lean back into his hand. His lips taste like the wine in the glass in his hand. His tongue teases yours and rolling and curling, drawing you deeper. When he breaks away, he's stolen your breath. You slowly open your eyes. There's something in his as he's looking at you. A tight feeling eases in your chest but there's an emptiness there.

"This is the single most romantic moment in my life."

"I'm so very glad that I could share it with you." He glides his thumb over your lips.

"I'm glad it's you."

You turn and wrap your arms around him. He grabs you about the waist and takes to the bed. He lays you on your back and props himself over you.

"I'm not fooled, Tom. You planned this."

"At the last minute. Yes."

You gaze up at him, finding it hard to be angry at being manipulated.

"Why are you so persistent? Why me?"

"Why not? I've told you why I like you. This is one of the nice things I want to do for you."

He takes your lips, pressing your body into the mattress.

The passion between you two ignites. Eagerly getting each other out of your clothes, you can't kiss or touch each other enough. He tries to slow things down to let you enjoy the romance of the moment. But that's too close to letting him make love to you.

He relented for now, not wanting to stir the pot the very first night. He was bound and determined to do whatever it took for you to enjoy your first vacation in years. It was loud and rough and passionate, all the things you'd come to expect from being with Tom. And you loved it.

But it wasn't enough for him.

Afterward, you slipped into a satiated sleep. He didn't. Tom stayed awake and just watched you. He watched your chest rise and fall gently. He traced the lines of your body, careful not to wake you. He brushed the hair off your forehead and picked up a lock of it, playing with it in his fingers. He leaned over you and kissed you on the forehead and cheeks. Then he cupped your cheek and ran his thumb gently under your eye beside your nose.

Tom had to at least say it out loud, even if you couldn't hear him. He whispered, "I don't want to be just your friend anymore." He looked down at your sleeping figure with nothing but longing. He desperately searched for the courage to even think of saying that to you awake. But Tom knew you would only run. What would he have to do to keep that from happening? Whatever it was, he would do it.

“Hey hey hey!” Tom says wrapping his arms around you pulling you down off the railing. “What are you doing?”

“I dropped my pass . . . ticket . . . thingy.” You say pointing to where it had landed on the ledge.

“Good God, are you suicidal?” He questions reaching in his pocket taking out his and putting it in your jacket pocket.

“Apparently.” Giving him a look thinking he was very strange. “It’s only 3 levels.”

He blinks looking at you, “It’s over 1,000 feet down. 80 stories worth of down. I would rather not have to carry you home in an Altoids box!” He says pulling you further away from the railing.

“Tom, relax.” You shake your head looking around wondering if anyone else saw that. “I can think of better ways to end my life then taking a header off of a major world famous tourist attracti . . . .” You pause looking over the side, “Well, actually . . .” You take a step towards the railing and his eyes go wide wrapping his arm around your middle pulling you further away. You can’t help but laugh as he looks at you. He half laughs shaking his head realizing you were teasing him again.

“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” He says kissing your cheek. “We have reservations, come on.” Tom wraps his hand around yours as you head back to the lift.

“So they really have a restaurant up here?” You ask.

“Yup. It’s the ‘Le Jules Verne’ very top notch.” The two of you get into the lift and you arch a brow noticing this lift was different than the others.

“They have food, right? Not like . . . filet of . . . Muppet, or . . . eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat, tongue of dog . . . sort of thing?” He grins looking at you hearing you quoting the witches from Macbeth.

“I’ve been here once before and it was very good as I recall.” He says wrapping an arm around you.

You think another moment, “Is this menu in English?”

He chuckles and kisses your cheek wrapping his other arm around you holding you against him, “I’ve got you covered, darling.”

“That’s right. You can speak, read, and write French can’t you.” It seemed like something you would remember for more than two minutes at a time. Because every since you’d arrived in France he would randomly bust out talking to someone in French like it was his first language. You had never felt more uncultured and out of place in your entire life.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	5. Code Blue - Chapter 5

Looking out over the Seine and the setting sun, you sigh. "Damn you."

Tom turns to you, his smile faltering. "What did you-"

You turn and cup his face in your hands. "I said damn you. Because you insufferable, persistent man have broken me."

"I don't understand."

"You win. Despite my being an abominable cunt, you have worked and weaseled and I -"  
You shake your head at yourself and him. "I find myself falling in love with you."

He jerks, surprised but overwhelming happy. "The City of Love has worked is magic. And I'm so very glad it did." He kisses you, holding you at the back of the neck.

He reaches up and takes your hands, his fingers curling around yours. "I can't make you any promises. You know I'm not easy."

He positively beams as he kisses you again. Your answering smile isn't as bright but is full of budding love. He pulls your hands away and walks you along the River, holding your hand in his.

"My meeting is late in the morning. Then you have me the rest of the day." He swings your arm forward and back. You stop at a thrown together shop stall selling old books.

You begin to thumb through a small rack until your fingers find something you never thought you'd see, and memories start flooding back to you. You pull it from the shelf carefully, as if it were made of silk thread that would break if you pulled it too harshly. But there was no denying what you held. Your hands shook as you held the book and read the title. "The Velveteen Rabbit".

You looked up and saw Tom walking towards you. He picked up his pace when you looked at him, and screwed his face with worry. "What's wrong, darling? What's the matter?" You had gone white and your shaking intensified. He grabbed you by the shoulders, afraid you would fall. You fought against a dry mouth to explain. "It's the Velveteen Rabbit. This was my favorite book as a little girl, my mother used to read it to me all the time. It was the first book I bought when I found out I-" Your voice faltered. "When I found out I was pregnant for the first time."

A pained expression came across Tom's face at your confession. You would have stopped with anyone else, but you kept going. "I held onto it through all three, and all I thought about was reading it to my own little one. And then when Michael left..." you sniffed. But found the strength to finish, "When Michael left, he threw it out because he said there was no point in having it if there was no one to read it to." You looked up at him, your eyes flashing with anger at the memory. Tom reached up and cupped your cheek. "Sweetheart, I'm so sorry." "He was awful. I should never have let him touch me, ever."

"He never will again. I promise you, right now," Tom declared quietly. "I want this. I want to read it to Jacob when I go back." "Then you shall have it." Tom slid the book from your fingers and went to pay for it. The realization hit you that you would never again be treated like anything less than a goddess in Tom's presence, and it made you smile. It melted all the anger, the angst you were feeling then right into the ground under your feet.

The two of you made your way back to the hotel and started getting ready for bed. As you stood at the sink taking off your jewelry, Tom came up behind you, running his fingers up your sides and your arms. He tucked his lips into the crook of your neck, kissing and teasing. You smiled as he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tight against him. You felt his growing erection and arched your butt into him. He groaned and the sound travelled immediately to your core. Sounding as though he was trying to catch his breath, Tom breathed into your ear, "Please, my love..." "What? What is it?" you begged, feeling equally out of breath. "Please, let me make love to you."

You didn’t know what was wrong with you. After you admitted to Tom that you were starting to feel something for him, and thought you wanted to get closer, you found yourself resisting him more than ever. Making excuses or changing the subject for the rest of the vacation. The sex started out where you were letting him be in control, letting things progress slowly, and then you would freak out, take over, and rush through it almost violently just to avoid from letting it get to deep or beyond purely physical. You could see that he was frustrated, and to be honest you were frustrated too. You were closer when you got back from France, but there were still barriers there that wouldn’t let you go any further. It was maddening.

You hadn’t called Tom since you got back from Paris. You’d been completely swamped with paperwork, intakes and things that were usually delegated to interns and newbies. Sitting at your desk Brian comes over and sets down another stack of files.

“Oh, God.” You say rubbing your face with your hand, “Come on Brian, how much more penance do I have to do?” You ask.

“Hey, takes a while to get back into the swing of things. We’re shorthanded, and you’re so good at keeping things done right you’re the perfect candidate. Get a move on, you have rounds to do again before you clock out tonight.” You groan and pick up another folder. Brian starts to walk away but stops and walks back. “. . . and I know you haven’t heard yet, but I thought you should know.” He says solemnly.

The tone in his voice causes the hair on the back of your neck to stand up. “What?”

That night after you were off the clock you stood in the shower, hot water turning your skin red, obscuring the tears that were flowing from your eyes. You washed your hair twice, and scrubbed all over just wanting to get this place off of you. All of it, every single part of it, and let it wash down the drain.

An hour later, you drive home in a daze. Not really paying attention to the road, not really caring. Walking up the steps to your apartment, you walk right past Tom who was sitting on the steps waiting for you. He smiles at first but then it fades seeing the look on your face, the way your eyes were glazed over, completely defeated and numb from crying.

You walk to the door and unlock it, and he quickly gets up following you into the apartment closing the door behind. “Darling?” He questions walking over to you as you drop your things on the table plugging in your phone, you were pretty much running on autopilot. The ghostly stare in your eyes indicating you simply weren’t there.

Turning you go into the kitchen and open the cabinet next to your fridge pulling out a bottle of rum that you usually mixed with something, coke or some other mix, but right now you needed it straight. You pop off the cap and take a long deep drink. “hey, Hey, HEY!” Tom says reaching out and pulling the bottle from you. He puts it on the counter and reaches out resting his hands on your shoulders, “Darling? What is it? What’s wrong?”

You can feel tears starting to threaten to fall again and reach up covering your eyes with your hand as your lip begins to quiver. He draws you into his arms holding you tight, not knowing what was wrong but seeing you more upset then ever. “Talk to me, please?” He says softly.

You hug him back for a moment, before reaching up and wiping the tears from your eyes before they escape and take a few deep breaths. You can’t even look up at him directly. “It’s Jacob.” You say softly hardly able to push the words out past the knot in your throat. “His last round of Chemo didn’t work.” You try to hold it together but you weren’t doing very well, “He’s been moved to hospice care.”

Tom swallows and folds you against his chest. "Oh sweetheart." His own chest is tight. The two of you hold each other and cry together. You feel a clenched fist inside you loosening.

He draws you toward the couch but you draw him to the bedroom. You lay upon the bed, curled to his chest, letting the tears come as they may.

"I'm so tired of losing babies, Tom."

"Don't do this to yourself."

"Well I already have, haven't I?" You roll onto your back staring at the ceiling. Tom lays on his side, his head resting on his hand propped on his elbow. He rubs his thumb back and forth across your belly.

"My first miscarriage, we'd been married just shy of three months. The doctor said I was nine weeks. We'd gotten to hear the heartbeat just the week before." You lay the back of your hand over your eyes. "Michael cried with me. He told me everything I needed to hear. We agreed to try again." You sigh. "The second miscarriage came after our second anniversary. I'd found out I was pregnant right around the holidays. So we considered it a Christmas miracle. A patient. A little girl with cancer of the brain and spinal column had a seizure. She's wasn't more than 10 but she kicked like a mule. Michael wasn't so supportive. He blamed my work. Demanded I quit. Being a cardiologist's wife i didn't need to work. He didn't want me to. Wanted a trophy wife. I refused to quit and went on birth control without his knowledge."

"You don't have to tell me this."

"I don't have to but I want you to know." You take a deep breath then sigh it out. "I got a toothache. My dentist put me on antibiotics. And the one fucking time I wasn't careful, boom pregnant." You take a shuddering breath. "We made it 17 weeks. I'd decreased my shifts at work." You sigh. "I did everything right, Tom. Everything." You lose it. The sobs coming uncontrollably, painful and ugly. Tom gathers you against his chest, shushing you and rubbing your back. It's a good while before you can continue. You take a shaky breath. "Michael was convinced it was my fault. That's where the marriage began it's spiral. He wasn't supportive or loving. And he couldn't blame my job. So he blamed me. I've told you the rest. I've never been as close to a patient as I have Jacob."

You curl into Tom's chest and he tightens his arms. "It's alright to care. To feel. To love. You love that little boy almost as if you were his mother."

"I can't give you children. I won't risk it. Losing three, it nearly destroyed me. I can't-"

"Hush, baby." He smoothed her hair. "Is that why you won't let me in?"

"Partially." 

He pulls you back to look at you, really look at you. "Darling, we've only just begun. You have your career and mine is catching speed. We don't have to talk of babies right now. I'd be an absentee father at best right now. My filming schedule is fairly stacked." He tips your chin up to look into your eyes. "And when the time comes, we'll figure it out. There's adoption and fertility options."

"I don't-"

"I meant like a surrogate. They take your eggs, my sperm, and implant then in a viable surrogate mother."

"You've thought a lot about this. " He looks sheepishly to the side. "I find myself in love with a woman who cannot give me one thing I desire most. So I find a way around it."

"Tom, we've only known each other a couple months. Don't you find odd and just a bit creepy?"

"That's not my intention. I'm sorry. I care deeply for you. And I just want you happy."

"Well right now, happy would be a nice hot bath, take away pizza and a Hitchcock marathon."

"That's absolutely doable, darling." He kisses your forehead. "Draw your bath and take care of dinner."

You both sank into the tub, overflowing with bubbles. It looked like a scene out of a soap opera. Tom wrapped his arms around your shoulders and kissed the top of your head. There was nothing sexual about the scene- he just wanted to do everything he could to help you calm down. You breathed deep as the scent of the lavender bath wash filled your lungs. Tom grabbed your loofah and started massaging you, starting with your back. His strong arms moved slowly up and down your back, and then moved to your shoulders and arms. He lovingly washed your front, careful around your breast s and between your thighs, so as not to give you the wrong idea.

The doorbell rang and he slipped out to answer it. You felt yourself getting pruney, so you figured it was time to get out. The water was colder by yourself anyway. As you pulled the plug and wrapped a towel around yourself, you walked out into your bedroom and saw Tom had laid out your favorite- the pajama pants with the little pink bows from Victoria's Secret, and the little top to match.

You fell asleep somewhere during Notorious, and Tom carried you back to the bed.

You woke up in the middle of the night in a panic- out of breath, heart racing, a cold sweat covering you. You bolted upright, and it scared Tom awake. He pried his eyes open before he reached for you, pulling you down and against him with just a bit of force. "Lie down, darling, just lie back down. It's all right." You started to cry quietly again and he held you fast. He began to "shh" you as he rocked you both back and forth. It wasn't all right. Not right now, anyway. You fell back asleep as best you could before your alarm went off in the morning.

Standing next to your locker you lean your head against it with your eyes closed. The entire day it felt like you weren’t even alive. Just going through the motions of living, trying to get through work without breaking down. You’d called the hospice and found that Jacobs condition had been deteriorating fast. Such a wonderful, brave, and unbelievably happy little boy wasn’t long for this world and it was tearing you apart.

“Hey.” You lift your head seeing Maggie standing next to the doorway.

“Hey.” You turned the lock on your locker before opening it to get your things so you could go home.

“I haven’t seen you, or gotten a chance to talk to you since you came back.” She says taking a few cautious steps towards you. “I know I’m one of the reasons you left, and I’m sorry. I really am. But I’m glad you came back. We need you.”

Pulling out your jacket putting it on, then your purse putting the strap across your shoulder. “Yeah. I keep hearing that.” You say closing the door of your locker almost in a slam.

“Do you maybe want to head out to dinner? My treat?” She asked hoping that maybe you could get to be friends again.

“Not tonight. Tonight I just want to go home.” You say shaking your head. You start to walk past her but pause, “But thank you for the offer. Maybe another time.” Maggie looks disappointed but smiles and nods stepping out of your way as you leave the locker room heading out to your car.

On the way home your phone buzzes and you pick it up seeing a message from Tom.

“Good evening, lovely lady. Hoping you’ll come over tonight once your shift ends. I would love to see you. T. XOX.”

You look at the message for a moment before sighing and tossing your phone onto the passenger seat and turning your car around heading back to the gated community where Tom lived.

A little while later, you park your car before heading up the walkway to Tom’s house. When you get there, you start to knock but stop seeing a note on the door, recognizing your name written in Tom’s hand. You pick it up and open it to read, “Come in.” It says simply.

This was weird. You turn the door handle and go inside. You notice that there isn’t any lights turned on finding it dark for the most part except for the candlelight emanating from numerous candles around the house. You arch a brow seeing rose petals scattered on the floor making a trail that you were obviously meant to follow.

You can’t help but smile as you close the door. This all felt very much like him for some reason. You take off your coat hanging it and your purse up by the door before walking in further following the trail of rose petals finding more candles lit. “Tom?” You call out.

You continue walking through the house following the flowers and candles until they end at his bedroom door. You knock slightly, “Tom?” You call again finding no response. You open the door and step inside to find a number of candles lit around the room, rose petals leading to the bed and scattered about the black satin sheets. Walking in further, you see a bottle of wine, two filled glasses beside it waiting on the table. Slowly you turn around looking at the extremely romantic scene having through things like this only ever happened in the movies.

Tom seems to appear out of nowhere standing behind you and resting his hands on your shoulders. You jump a little startled at first causing him to chuckle before his hands moved to your waist putting you back against him placing gentle kisses to your neck and shoulder holding you tight against him. You close your eyes leaning your head back against him moving your head to the side to give him better access. His arms wrap around you embracing you to his body. Taking a breath you turn to face him, finding he wore black pajama pants and no shirt. You start to say something but are stopped when he reaches up and cups your face placing a tender kiss on your lips.

Tom walks you backwards to the bed. Your calves bump against it but he doesn't force you to sit. He pulls the scrub top and your undershirt over your head, breaking the kiss long to do so. Skillful fingers unclasp your bra and glide it down your arms. He cups a breast in reach hand, pushing them together and kneading them. Sighing, muscles relaxing, you push your chest out into his hands.

You knew what he was doing. He had tried this before. To make love you. You'd tried but that fear of being hurt made you panic. He'd gone to so much effort tonight.

"You taste so sweet." His palms skim over your arms. A shudder passes through you, pulling your nipples even tighter.

Kissing down your neck and chest. He unties your scrub pants. Grabbing the sides of the pants and panties at your hips, he pulls them down slowly, planting light kisses at each exposed line of flesh.

You twist your thighs back and forth.

"Why are you nervous, pet?"

"I'm not nervous." Ok, that was a lie.

"Liar." How could he read you so well. "Don't be. Just let me touch and you kiss. You don't have to do anything but enjoy it."

He kisses your lower belly, licking and kissing. "Tom-"

"No talking." He lifts your feet out of your shoes then out your pants, slipping the socks off as he goes. Dipping his head between your legs, he kisses that spot behind your knee. They buckle slightly but your right yourself. "I want to hear you sigh and moan. But the only words you will speak tonight will be oh, god, yes, and my name."

"You're being rather dominate tonight, lover."

He nips the back of your other knee. You cry out in enjoyment. "Those weren't on your list of words."

You bite your lip to keep from making a smart ass comment. He'd taken your trigger and used it against you.

He lays a hand flat on your belly but takes a hold of your hip with his other. The tip of his nose presses into your folds. He slips his fingers inside you and moves them in a come hither motion. He teases your clit with the top of his nose then presses his tongue flat against you. Your hips involuntarily buck.

Tom works you until you're gasping, grabbing hold of your hair. He feels your body tremble and tighten then stops.

You cry out in surprise. Your back coming up against the bed. He just shoved you.

Using his hands and mouth, he brings you so very close to cumming and leaves you wanting.

"Darling, look at me." You open your eyes. Finding him about you, you smile.

"You're a devious bastard."

"But I'm YOUR devious bastard." His fingertips dance down your ribs. "Don't look away."

He's done the prep work and he slides right in. You gasp, shaking. He pulls out so very slowly then glides back in. He doesn't let you look away, watching the way your face changes with each thrust and withdraw.

You've lost track of all time and by the time you cum, you're shaking and crying. He kisses each cheek then your lips. Wine forgotten and his own orgasm denied, he pulls against his chest.

"Darling?"

Tom sits up in bed, your warmth gone from his side.

"I'm over here." You're sitting in his chair with your knees drawn up. The moon filters in through cracks in the curtains.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Liar." Your voice is thick with your tears. "Talk to me."

"That was amazing."

"I sense a but."

"You do." You sigh. "But I'm not ready for that. You can't love me like that."

"Oh and you're the expert on his I feel?"

"Don't be angry. The night has been amazing. But it just hurts too much."

"My intention wasn't too hurt you."

"I know. Fuck. I'm making a mess of this."

You drop your legs and cross to the bed, sitting next to him. You tuck your foot under you. You'd pulled on your undershirt and your panties when you'd woken up.

"I'm letting you in. I'm trying. That bitchy part of me wants to tell you to back the fuck off and let me have my space. But that's not fair to you." You take his hands in yours. "I'm trying. And I know you're trying. But I can't take that."

"Will you at least tell me why?"

"Why i don't want you to make love to me?" You comb your fingers through your hair. "Because i don't feel like I deserve it."

He creases his brow at you. "What? What are you talking about?" Tom questions. You knew this was coming, sooner or later.

"I don't-- I mean, I just don't deserve to...be loved the way you want to love me. I just don't," you tell him, your voice laced with humiliation. You couldn't meet his gaze, but you could tell he was looking at you in confusion and shock.

"What on earth...why would you ever think that?" "Because...it's what I know to be the case. It's what I've known for the last nine years, since things spiraled out of control with Michael. It's what he told me over and over again until I realized he was right. It's how I've been treated since then with other guys. I don't let anybody in because I don't deserve that."

You stopped. You glanced up at Tom long enough to gauge his reaction. You saw what was coming though, because you had experienced this before. He would look at you and agree with you, tell you to get your things and leave and never come back. And you would go back to your private, encapsulated little life alone. But what actually happened made your eyes almost come out of your head. "Come here," Tom said forcefully. Your head snapped up to him, and you saw his scowl. "Right now."

You crawled closer to him, and he pulled you into his lap. He took your chin between his thumb and forefinger, and pulled it up to look him directly in the eye. He was clearly not in a playing mood. "Listen to me. I am tired of all this negative, ridiculous talk about yourself. Do you have any idea how often you demean yourself? Talk about yourself like you're nothing but trash? I've had enough of it, to be honest." You interrupt his lecture, "Tom, don't start-" "I'm not done," he spoke over you. You stilled and shut your mouth. He continued, "I won't have any more of it. If you had any idea how much I care about you, you would realize it's not just you that those words hurt."

You drew a slow breath, processing what he had just told you. "I'm trying, Tom. I really am. But when the last man who told you he cared about you turns you out and tells you how unlovable you are because you can't give him the one thing he wants, it fucks with your head, righteously. You have to understand that. This is *not* easy for me, and I *am* trying." Tom loosened his hold on your chin, moving his hand to your cheek. His tone softened. "I know you are. I just wish I knew what to say to help you understand." You laughed a little. "You know for someone who can get inside the head space of two dozen different characters, I thought you might get it- it has nothing to do with you. It's about my fucked-up head. I've had almost a decade of this, and a handful of months with you is not going to change it."

Tom's face softened more and he looked down, thinking. You got scared suddenly that this would be the moment he would tell you to get your things. But instead, he said in a half-whisper, "Don't ever talk about yourself like that again. You deserve far more than even I could give you." "I don't believe you." "Too bad. I'm not the one who's lied twice tonight," he smirked at you. You made a face- he wasn't wrong about that, really. He continued, "I mean it. Don't talk like that anymore." You lowered your eyes from his, but Tom ran his hand to the back of your head and gently pulled it back up. You weren't getting out without agreeing. You looked him back in the eye and nodded lightly. His eyes still intense and tinged with worry and hurt, he pulled your into him for a kiss.

You sigh before giving a nod. “Come on, it’s been a long day. Let’s get some sleep.” He kisses you softly before the two of you lay down curled up in each other’s arms as he pulls the cover up over both of you. He kisses you softly again before settling in.

A few minutes later your eyes open and you lay starring at the wall. You never should have let him in. It was becoming apparent to you that he wasn’t going to be able to let you go. No matter how much you pushed him away, it just seemed to make him hold on tighter.

The next day sitting at your computer you enter the last of the intake forms for the patients that were admitted the night before after you’d clocked out. “Hey.” Looking up you see Maggie holding to cups of coffee holding one out to you. “It’s the good stuff. Not that crap that’s in the break room.” She was still trying to make things up to you even though you didn’t really count her as a friend anymore. Relenting you reach up and take the cup of coffee and she smiles before sitting down in the chair next to you.”I’m really glad your back. We were really afraid that we’d lost you.”

“Seriously?” You say giving her a look, “Because condoms still keep popping up all over the place from that little ‘prank’ you all pulled on us.”

“Well. From what I understand it there were a lot of people in on that prank. Probably going to keep finding them for a little while.” She admits sheepishly.

You didn’t really want to talk about personal stuff anymore and punch up a file on the computer, “This says that Amanda was discharged a few days ago. You were her attending nurse after I left.”

“Yes. She started getting a lot better all of a sudden. She was eating, taking her meds, cooperating, really responding to her treatment. She was on her feet again before the doctor signed her discharge orders.” You smile shaking your head slightly. If Tom only knew what he and his friends small appearance did for the morale in this hospital. You turn off computer before gathering the files to put in the records room and standing. “Hey.” Maggie stands up quickly. “I’m sorry about what happened. Really. I know I was part of the problem and I just . . . . I’m sorry.”

You take a breath and give a nod, “I’ve got to get these on the shelf. I’ve got another set of rounds to do before I can clock out tonight.” Maggie could see that this was all she was going to get right now and gave a smile with a nod. Turning away you went into the records room and sigh shaking your head putting the records back where they belonged.

After work you head home taking a shower and changing into pajama’s before you start your laundry. You were a little behind and had to get them all washed before you could turn in. Plopping down on the couch you turn on the TV and start aimlessly flipping through channels with a sigh.

Your cellphone notification for an email goes off. Your eyes widen in excitement. TV forgotten you start to make a list of things to do.

You'd have to talk to Brian. He wouldn't be happy. Your landlord. The utility companies. So many things to do in two weeks. Shit. Were you ready for this? Were you really doing this? Shit. Shit. Shit! You could think of two people to tell this news to: Tom and Jacob.

You had so much nervous energy. No way you could go to bed now. Almost on cue, a knock at your door. Tom waited in the hall with a take out bag and a six pack.

You throw open the door. "Hey you!"

"Hey! You're in an awfully good mood."

"I am. I am. Come on in." He sets the food and beer on the kitchen table. "Listen. I'm off tomorrow. I want you to go with me to visit Jacob."

"Of course."

"I have some news for you both."

“What is this place?” Tom asks when you get out of the car. You pause next to the jeep starring at the entrance. You never liked it here either.

“It’s hospice care.” You say solemnly. “This is where people are sent when we can’t help them anymore. To be made comfortable until . . . .” You sigh not wanting to say it out loud. Looking down you shake your head finding it hard to breathe.

Tom walks up beside you and takes your hand in his holding it tight. It wasn’t any easier for him considering how well he’d gotten to know Jacob and how close they had come. “You aren’t alone.” He says gently.

“I hate it here.” Your voice is soft as you take a moment to suck it up just a bit. You couldn’t very well go into this place in tears or even with a sad face. It was bad enough that it was only one half step up from a mortuary as it was. “It’s no place for a child.”

He leans over kissing your cheek squeezing your hand letting you know that you could lean on him if you needed too. You gave a nod looking at him letting him know the same. Together you walk into the building and sign in before going to Jacob’s room.

You knock quietly on the door before opening it seeing Jacob lying in bed, hooked up to a number of machines. He’s very pale, even thinner than before, and there were dark circles around his eyes. You feel a knot in your throat but when his tired eyes open a smile sweeps his face. “Hey!” He says. “I knew you’d come see me.” His smile grows a little larger, “And Tom!”

Tom smiles, “Hey buddy.” He walks over next to the bed, “Have something for you here.”

“What is it?” He says unable to sit up.

“It’s a present from your friend that came by the hospital a while ago.” A leather strap bracelet that had Thor with his Hammer stamped into it. Below it, it said Loki with his horns stamped next to it. Tom fastens it to his wrist for him.

“Wow, cool!” He says still smiling his eyes moving back to you. You’re having a hard time looking at him, but his hand slowly reaches out for yours. Instantly you step closer and gently take it. “Don’t be sad. It’s okay. In a little while, it won’t hurt anymore. I won’t be sick.” The tears in your eyes are making it hard to see but you were refusing to let them fall in front of him. “I’ll get to see my Nan again. She’ll be happy to see me.”

Oh God. You didn’t know if you were going to be able to go through with this. Sometimes, children with cancer, were so completely amazing. Even at his young age he seemed to understand what was happening, and what was worse, accepted it.

“Make her smile Tom.” Jacob says looking up at him, “You’re good at that.” He smiles softly.

You pull up a chair. "I have news. For both of you. I couldn't think of anyone else to share with it. But first. Tom, i think you should tell him who you are."

Tom looks at you. "Are you sure? The mask?"

"He's already sick. I don't think your mask of for a few seconds is going to make much difference." Your voice was tired. But the boy deserved to know that his best friend at the end was one of his idols.

"Alright."

He pulls the mask down and turns to Jacob. The little boy recognizes him instantly. "Loki?! I'm best buds with Loki!"

His smile was worth it. For a brief moment, he was once again that little boy you met three years. The sunshine on your shift. You excused yourself before either of them could hear your sob. Out in the hall, it smells worse off urine and vomit. You clench your fists.

You nearly jump out of your skin when Tom touches your shoulder. "You ok?"

"No. I'm ready to get the fuck out of here."

You duck back into the room and sit down. "My news. Ok, while I was on vacation, I applied to Doctors without Borders. I had an interview before we went to Paris. And they accepted me! I leave for central Africa in two weeks."

"That's great. What does that mean?"

"It means I'm going to help kids who don't have doctors and nurses in their own countries."

"That's so cool."

Tom looks at you, shocked to say the least. "How-How long are you going to be gone?"

"I think they said a year."

"I'm meeting with them next week to get all the details."

Tom swallows. "That's wonderful." You can see his disappointment but this was something you needed to do. You could feel it in your heart.

You both stayed with Jacob for a while longer before you left. Seeing him there in that bed was a little more than you could take. You kept your promise to yourself that you wouldn't cry in front of him, though. It wasn't easy. "Will you come back tomorrow? Both of you?" You looked across the bed at Tom and he looked back.

His own eyes more than a little bit shiny. "We'll try, Jacob. I promise," you reply. You lean forward and press a kiss to his forehead through the mask. Your hand runs through his short hair, and he looks up at you with a smile. He was so innocent, and the thought that he wouldn't be a part of your life much longer sent the tears rushing back again. You stepped out of the room, leaning back against the wall with your own head thrown back and your eyes closed. But Tom hadn't said his goodbyes yet.

He held Jacob's small hand in the bed and squeezed it. Jacob looked over at him as you shut the door to his room. "Is Nurse (y/n) sad, Tom?" He didn't know how to answer. He took a breath and smiled as best he could.

"Umm...she is, buddy. She's going to miss you very much. She always liked taking care of you best."

"I don't like seeing her sad. She always made me happy. Nurse (y/n) always watched your movie with me."

"She told me."

"Yeah...I think it was her favorite, too." There was a beat of silence before Jacob said softly, "Is she leaving the hospital because she's sad?" 

Tom was silent again as he racked his brain for a response. "I don't know, kiddo. It does look that way, doesn't it?"

"You have to make her happy again, you know? You can always make her smile. I always thought she liked Loki best, anyway." Jacob's confession made Tom smile and he laughed just a little.

"You think so? I can always make her smile? Well....I'm going to test that theory." Tom stood from the bed and leaned over to hug Jacob as best he could. Jacob lifted his arms and wrapped them gingerly around Tom's neck.

"We'll try our very best to come back and see you tomorrow, all right?" Jacob nodded.

Tom walked out of the room, and you looked up when you heard the soft click of the handle. He didn't even know what to say to you. He felt angry and betrayed, hurt and lonely, sad for himself and happy for you, all at the same time. He pulled you up from your seat as you extended your hand to him and declared quietly, "Let's go home. We have to talk."

Sitting quietly with Tom in your living room for a very long awkward amount of time his voice finally breaks the silence. “When were you going to tell me that you even applied?”

“It was a long shot that they were going to accept me. I didn’t want to bring it up if it was pointless. I’m really really lucky that they accepted my application with no previous field work outside a hospital.” You reply.

“This is going to take you a long ways away. I won’t get to see you anymore.” He says softly.

“How is this any different than your job that takes you all over the world for months at a time?” You question. “You are doing what makes you happy and are lucky enough to get paid for it. Shouldn’t I be allowed to chance for the same?”

He sighs and stands pacing slightly, “I suppose it would be unfair of me to say no.” He turns looking at you, “When did you apply? Did you apply after we started seeing each other?”You pause a moment before turning your eyes away, a gesture that more then answered his question. “Did you apply because you really wanted to do this or were you just looking for a reason, an excuse to run away from me?”

“This is a chance to help people that really need it. A place where the work is more important than the paycheck or the prestige it might bring. It’s all about helping out people who really need help that could never afford it in their lifetimes.” You stand as well walking over to him. “It was a long shot when I signed up. Maybe . . . maybe you did have something to do with it, a little bit. Maybe you short of gave me a shove in the direction I actually wanted to go in for a long time.”

“I don’t want you to go. Not yet. Not like this.” He says looking into your eyes.

You take a breath, “Tom.” You begin slowly. “You’ve helped me a lot. More then you know. More then you even realize or even think you have. You have been so very kind to me, and made me feel like I’m not a total loss. Not just a waste of space and air, as some would have me believe. But now it’s time for me to go help someone else. Sort of paying it forward I guess. I can’t do that here.”

“You can’t just keep running away like this.” He replied softly.

“I’m not running away from anything. I’m running towards something. Something better. Somewhere where my life will mean something and will make a difference in a lot of lives. Where I can be more by living for others instead of just myself.” He sighs looking away. “I really want this, Tom. Please don’t try and take it away by making me feel like I’m betraying you.”

"You can't possibly know what it's like over there. It's wild and dangerous, and--" Tom spouted off. You cut him shirt before he can continue, "Then you know how badly they need someone like me. I can make a difference, Tom. There are children there that I can help, and you know that. You've seen that with your own eyes."

He sniffled, holding back his tears. "This is so dangerous, darling, I don't think you realize." "You're not going to talk me out of this, Tom. I can't even talk myself out of it," you tell him. He looked at you and his eyes were filled with worry and anger and fear all at the same time. You placed a hand on his cheek and he took hold of your wrist and kissed your palm. "Please don't be upset with me. You know I have to do this," you plead quietly. "And besides, it's only for a year. You'll be busy filming anyway, you won't even have time to spend with me like we do now." "That's not true, I would make the time, I would, I promise."

"If you love me as much as you tell me you do, then you wouldn't make me feel like I'm betraying you for this. This isn't an attack on you, or some terrible notion of running from you. I can't just sit here in my flat and ignore the world around me anymore, not when I know I can help." You ended your speech, but Tom looked no better because of it. Your heart clenched looking at him. He looked like a man in the very throes of despair. "You're asking me to not be upset that the woman I love is going to a dangerous place, where she could be hurt or worse, where there is hardly even enough water or food or supplies, for an entire year? I can't do that. I won't," he protested. "But....I know damn well better than to fight you on this."

"You're a quick learner," you joke, desperately trying to lighten the mood a little. Tom barely smiles as he looks down to you again. His eyes full of hurt and fear still, he whispers, "I don't want you to go." "I know. But it's not up to you. We still have two more weeks, remember? Could we make them good weeks? I'll need something to get me through the next year. Something to bring me home," you bargain.

Tom smiles a little more as you wrap your arms around his waist. He pulls you in close as he whispers, "Of course. Anything you want, my darling."

A few days later, Tom comes to your flat and knocks on the door. When you don’t answer he turns the handle finding it wasn’t locked and was open. He shook his head as he had told you numerous times it was unsafe. Stepping inside, he closed the door behind him. “Darling?” He hears your voice in the bedroom and follows it. Opening the door, he finds you on the phone pacing as it seemed you were incredibly upset.

“Look, you fucker. I can move if it damn well pleases me. You can’t stop me from going, and as long as I keep paying my half of the god damn bill, no one else is going to stop me either.” There’s a pause as you listen to his reply. “Well maybe if you didn’t try to max out every fucking credit card we had before the divorce was final we wouldn’t have to stay in fucking contact to pay off the debt!!” There’s another pause. “I DON’T CARE!! I DON’T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR IT! Keep your motherfucking problems to yourself and LEAVE ME ALONE!!” You yell hanging up the phone before throwing it across the room as it hit the wall and fell to the ground.

Crossing your arms you turn to see Tom had come in. You sigh shaking your head realizing he probably heard all that. “You’re ex?” Tom asks.

“Asshole was worried that I wasn’t going to keep paying off the debt the court ordered us each to pay half of. Scared that it was going to ruin HIS credit. As if mine wasn’t shot to hell because of his little spending spree on a card that had my fucking name on it.” You continue to pace still incredibly angry wishing Michael was standing right in front of you so you could punch his irritating face.

“Was it a large debt?” He questions.

“$45,000 dollars. We’ve paid off maybe $17,000 since the divorce went through. He likes to call and whine at me sometimes about how he’s got a family to feed and bills to pay and how inconvenient it is that he has to pay off MY debt. Like I’m going to fucking feel sorry for his dumb ass when he’s the one who did this.” You vent.

Walking over to you he gently catches your arm pulling you towards him. With a sigh you wrap your arms back around him closing your eyes resting your face to his chest in anger and frustration. Maybe the good think about your taking this job and moving so far away was that he wouldn’t be able to get to you like this. “Phone reception where you’re going is pretty poor. He won’t be able to get through to you very often, if at all.”

“I’m never going to get rid of that bastard.”

Friday, pay day, finds you on your couch. You stare at the empty shot glass. Tom knocks on your door then let's himself in.

"I brought pizza. And ice cream." His smile falls when he sees your tear stained face and the half empty bottle of Jameson. He slowly sets the food on the kitchen table. "What's wrong, darling?" He sits down next to you.

"Jacob's mom called this afternoon. She wanted to thank us for taking such good care of him. And she wanted to thank you for befriending him."

"That was nice." He keeps his tone guarded and questioning.

"I wanted to be the one to tell you. Tom, Jacob passed away this morning."

"But I was just there yesterday." His chest hitches. "Oh bloody hell." He buries his face in your shoulder and cries. The both of you hold each other and cry. When the tears have dried, Tom silently got up and got the pizza. He puts the ice cream in your freezer. You find an old Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie.

You don't bother with plates. Tom sits back on the couch, his arm along the back. You curl into his side. The pair of you don't say much.

When he makes love to you, it's sweet and sad. You don't even get angry. He needs this. And maybe you do too. Tom falls asleep before you. You lay awake listening to his slow steady breath and his strong heartbeat.

Was Africa really what you wanted to do? Or was Tom right again? Were you running from life here? You'd have to go to find out. You couldn't stay on Peds anymore. Jacob's death was different. You'd taken care of him for three years. It didn't feel like losing a patient. You'd lost another child.

Your chest hitches but you don't want to cry again. You turn your face into Tom's chest. He smells like Armani code and sweat. You'd never forget him and this month together.

You refused to get out of bed until Saturday evening. Flat out refused. Tom did everything he could- bargaining, threatening, he even went as far as to beg you and ply you with promised shopping trips. Everything except bodily remove you from the bed and stick you into your shower. And when you finally did leave your bed, it was only to get a drink of water.

Tom jumped off the couch at the sight of you shuffling out of the bedroom. "Hey, are you all right? Do you need anything? What is it?" he pleaded, his eyes searching your face for any sign of anything. But as numb as you were, he wasn't going to find anything. "Water, please," you eked out. You were absolutely bone dry. He zipped around the counter and pulled the biggest glass you had down from the shelf and filled it. He came back around and handed it to you, pulling you into a chair at your kitchen table. He knelt down beside you still looking for anything in your face. "Darling, will you talk to me? Please? I know you're hurting, what can I do? Please, tell me something," he begged. Your eyes finally met his. You knew all he wanted to do was help, but the only thing you wanted was to be left alone. You had way too much thinking to do at the moment to deal with another person, let alone the person who was at the core of most of it.

You reached out to stroke his cheek. He really did love you, didn't he? That was something else entirely to think about. "Go home, ducky. I just want to be alone right now."

Tom leaned back a bit with a confused look. Go home? You nodded to him. "I mean it. I need some time by myself right now, and I think you do too. I'll call you a little later, okay?"

Tom pressed his face a little harder into your hand and closed his eyes. "You promise you'll call me the very moment you need me if you do?" "I will. I promise," you concede. It was the only way he was going to leave, you knew. He stood up and kissed your temple and whispered, "I love you" in your ear, and made his way to the door. You followed behind and shut the door after him, and as you turned back around, you saw your Doctors Without Borders contract on your kitchen counter. It was still unsigned. That was only a spoke in the wheel of insanity you had to think about.

If you were really running like Tom said you were, this was only going to make it worse. You weren't just running from a bad marriage or a bad job. You were running from the country. And you were only going to be running to somewhere, where it was probably worse. Probably hell, you knew it would be. You started to make a pot of coffee and went to the bedroom to grab your journal. It was going to be a long night of thinking and you were just getting started.

The next evening, Tom insisted that you go out with him having made plans that he desperately wanted to take you for. Rather then risking that hung puppy dog look he did so well you agreed. He’d made reservations at a high end restaurant and you had to dress accordingly. You had a little black dress that you hadn’t worn in a while that was due for a wearing. You put your hair up in dancing curls, put on your little black dress, and stockings that had seems that went down the back with black heels.

You heard Tom come into your apartment and called back you would be ready to go as soon as you finished putting on your make-up. You’d been feeling a little under the weather the past three days but you assumed it was just stress and grieving from Michael, to your getting ready to leave, to Jacob’s passing, to Tom who seemed unwilling to accept that you were moving and there was no way he could talk you out of it.

Looking at yourself in the mirror deciding you were ready you came out of the bathroom turning off the light. When you came out into the living room you stopped a little awestruck by the gorgeous man that stood in your living room. He was in a black suit, his hair trimmed and combed, clean shaven, and looking incredibly spiffy. Like all those magazines that he did photo shoots for, or even when he was just walking down a red carpet. He was rather handsome.

Tom stares at you in just as much wide eyed awe. The dress was short and extremely tight fitting showing of your lovely womanly figure, your beautiful long legs, and the way you had done your hair and makeup made your eyes pop. “Wow.” He says taking in your whole beautiful picture unable to look away or blink.

“You’re so handsome.” You say starring back at him. Your eyes meet and both of you feel silly and laugh a bit. Tom walks closer and takes your hand.

“Shall we sweet lady?” He says kissing your knuckles before looking up at you. You shake your head a smile. Tom grins wrapping your arm around his as he escorts you from the apartment to take you out for a night on the town.

At the restaurant, it felt like ‘high-end’ was an understatement. You felt a little uncomfortable and a bit out of place but you remained gracious just focusing on Tom. Several times during dinner, there were long drawn out stretches of silence where Tom would just hold your hand tight in his as though he was gathering the courage to talk to you about something that was on his mind, but the words never seem to make it passed his lips.

When dinner was over, it seemed like he wasn’t ready for the night to end and instead he drives you to the park where the two of you get out and walk through the moonlight together holding hands. He was still eerily quiet and it was starting to unnerve you.

“Tom.” You finally say, “What is it? There’s been something on your mind all night that’s obviously eating away at you. Just . . . get it out there.”

“I’m afraid to.” He confesses. “I’m afraid that if I do . . .” He sighs, “You’re already running away I don’t want you to disappear too.”

You close your eyes and sigh crossing your arms around yourself knowing that this wasn’t going to go well, whatever it was. “I leave in two days Tom. Just say it and get it out of your system. You’ve warned me that I’m probably not going to like it, so I can brace myself for it and not flip out. Okay?”

“That’s just it.” He begins, “If I know you aren’t going to like it, then why even bring it up? They’re just random thoughts that have gone through my head. I would like to share them with you, discuss them with you . . . but I don’t want to drive you further away.” He explains. “I’m barely holding onto you by a thread as it is.”

“Tom . . .”

“No, no.” He takes a deep breath, “Okay.” Walking over to a nearby bench he sits you down before sitting next to you holding your hand tight in his. “These are just random thoughts mind you.”

“Okay.” Why did it feel like you were waiting to be hit by a bus?

He pauses another minute before looking into your eyes. “Have you truly and honestly given up on having children of your own?” He questions.

You stare at him blankly, “Tom, I told you. I can’t. I’ve had 3 miscarriages I know about, there may have been others that just weren’t that far along.” What on earth was going on in his head?

“But you’re still young enough to try again. Under different circumstances, a different environment, perhaps with proper care? It could make the difference. It’s been years since your last pregnancy, perhaps your body would be able to carry to term now. If you attempted it.” He says softly.

This was unbelievable, why in the hell was he pouring salt in an open wound? Closing your eyes you shake your head in disbelief. “I’ve accepted this, it took me a long time to get to the point of accepting it, and instead of living in false hope I decided to face my reality head on.” You state looking at him again. “Why in the hell would you bring this up?”

“Because maybe . . . because . . . .” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, “Because I think I would like to try with you.”

The world seemed to freeze in place as you just looked at him wide eyed. Did he just say that? He didn’t just say that. It was impossible, you must have imagined it. You had a stroke and you were laying in the hospital in a coma. That is the only rational explanation for this. It had to be. Then the world started to flood back quickly as a huge ball of anger inside of you begins to tighten and your eyes darken as you stare at him. “Why.” You say in a low voice becoming more enraged by the moment, “So you can get your hopes up? So I can get my hopes up? So you can hate me too when I lose YOUR baby as well? So I can really end up in the mental hospital this time!?! Or maybe so the next suicide attempt can be a success?” He shook his head quickly reaching for your hand again except you stand taking a few steps out of his reach, your hands clinching in fists at your side so tight they were turning white.

“I knew it, I knew I shouldn’t have told you I should have just kept it to myself.” He says closing his eyes rubbing his face with his hand. Shaking your head you turn and start to walk away. Instantly he stands, “Wait, where are you going?”

“HOME!” You shout.

“Let me take you home, you can’t walk through the park by yourself at night.” He starts to follow after you but you whip around starring daggers at him.

“The hell I can’t. I can’t even be around you right now. Just go home Thomas.” You start to walk away then walk back, “You know what? I was having serious doubts about leaving. I’d just about talked myself out of going last night. Thank you so much for wiping every single doubt out and letting me know I was making the right fucking decision in leaving.” With that you turn on your heel storming away.

When you were well away and out of his sight, you pause and unbuckle your heels taking them off and carrying them with you. They weren’t exactly meant for hiking. You continue to storm through the park in the direction of your flat, tears streaming from your eyes causing your mascara and eyeliner to run. You could barely see through the tears, and the pain in your heart. Of course you would have liked to try again. Tom would be everything that Michael wasn’t. He wouldn’t leave you alone and wouldn’t blame you for something that wasn’t your fault. But it just wasn’t realistic. You hadn’t known each other that long and he was in some weird daze imagining he wanted kids with you. He must have been completely insane. After a while you have to stop leaning against a tree just broken down in tears. If there was a question of weather or not you were using this to run away, it was answered now. You couldn’t run fast enough.

You didn't know you had that many tears in you, you had pushed them down for so long. Your feet gave out slowly underneath you as you cried harder and harder and slipped down to the ground. Your stockings ripped, your dress probably ruined. The bark scratched your back, and you could feel the sting hit it. You couldn't get low enough. Now sitting on the ground, you found yourself bent over, face almost in the dirt. Who knows how long you you laid there, sobbing and wailing.

You heard a familiar noise but couldn't even react. A very powerful engine. It came to a stop in front of you, it sounded like. You heard the door swing open and feet scramble towards you. Strong arms wrapped around you and pulled you up. You knew who it was. And quite frankly, you were too tired to stop him or anyone else for that matter. Your head pounded from your own screaming, yet you couldn't stop. Your throat was raw from wailing. You were sure your face was completely black from your mascara and eyeliner. You couldn't see anyway.

You had no idea how long the two of you laid there under that tree. It could have been minutes or hours. You balled your hands up into fists as you struck at everything you could reach- the ground, Tom's chest, his back, even yourself. Finally, you felt you had hit the bottom. Every single tear you had suppressed had made its way to the surface. Every child of your own you had lost, every one of your patients you hadn't been able to save. Jacob. The abuse you suffered at Michael's hands. The abuse you continued to deal with from him. You felt Tom's chest catch as you clawed at it weakly. How could he ask you that? Why? What was he thinking? Most guys would have run screaming from you by now, what the hell was in his head?

You finally got still. You were entirely drained- the crying took every ounce of energy from you and left behind not just physical pain. The pain of everything you had tried to cover up was right in front of you. It felt like it was going to crush you. Tom took advantage of the fact you were too tired to protest, and picked you up. He carried you to his car and buckled you in. You curled into a ball in the seat away from him. You heard him run back for your shoes and then climb into his own seat. You felt him reach out for you and try to stroke your shoulder, but you jerked away. He didn't move his hand at first, in disbelief that you would react like that. You heard him sniffle a little bit, and open his mouth to say something. After a moment he put the car in gear and headed in what you hoped was the direction of your apartment.

 

(Next Chapter -->)


	6. I'm Your Sheild - Chapter 6

You must have blacked out at some point, because the next thing you knew you were in your room lying in your bed in your pajamas. You touched your face finding it was clean, and your hair was wet. Apparently you had taken a shower and changed for bed before getting into it. That wasn’t a good sign. Blackouts like that had happened to you before, it was what resulted in your being the guest in a mental facility for more than a month.

You raise your head seeing that you weren’t alone. Tom was sitting in your chair in the corner quietly watching you. You close your eyes and sigh dropping your head back to the pillow feeling exhausted and sore all over. “You really are a diehard masochist aren’t you.” You say in an exhausted voice.

“I couldn’t leave you here alone. You were acting strangely, like you weren’t even aware of yourself let alone me.” He says in a soft voice. “Your body was going through the motions but you weren’t here. I was concerned.

You point behind you towards the dresser, “Second drawer, near the back, bottle with the purple lid.” You say your eyes still closed and your head buried in the pillows. Tom instantly hopped up and went and retrieved the bottle bringing it to you sitting on the bed next to you. With a groan you sit up taking the bottle and open it taking out two small green pills.

“What is that?” He questioned.

You pop them in your mouth and reach for the bottle of water swallowing them before putting the bottle back down. “That is going to make me sleep for 12 hours and wake up normal again.” He looks at you a moment before looking at the bottle. You settle back down into the pillows. “Basically a reset button for my fucked up head.”

“I thought you said that you didn’t take any of the medications they gave you.” He said softly putting the bottle back down.

“Not the ones that they make you take all day every day. Those are for attacks like that emotional, blubbery, snot bubble mess you stood witness to.” You close your eyes pulling one of the pillows over your head. “Happens every great once in a while.”

Tom sighs and shakes his head. “I caused this one, it’s my fault.” He says his voice drenched with guilt.

You weren’t even looking at him; you could feel his hung puppy dog look. Taking a breath you pull the pillow off your head and turn over looking at him. You look into his eyes for a moment, “Tom. I’m sorry.” You apologize through tired eyes. “You are a hopeless romantic. Or a hopeful romantic. One of the two. I on the other hand am a pessimistic cynic that has had every ounce of romance sucked out of her very soul. Once it’s gone, you can never get it back. You just can’t. Like losing your virginity. Once it’s gone it’s gone forever.”

“But it doesn’t have to be like that . . . . .” He begins but you hold up your hand to stop him.

“Hush.” You hold your finger next to your lips, “Got about five minutes before I’m unconscious, so let me talk please.” He quiets. “I told you when we started seeing each other that I couldn’t give you children. I know how much you want them, and I knew that after a while you’d want children of your own again. I don’t blame you for that, I can’t tell you how much I wanted to be a mom. But honey,” You reach over wrapping your hand around his holding it tight, “I cannot give them to you. I’m sorry. I just can’t.” His eyes were starting to tear and you reach up resting your hand on his arm. “Tom, you could walk out into a sea of your fan girls with a blindfold, turn around three times, grab one and I have no doubt in my mind that she will be eager and willing to give you as many kids as you can manage.”

“Except they aren’t you.” Tom says taking your hands in his.

You could feel the medication starting to kick in and knew you only had a minute or two before you’d be asleep. “I’m leaving for my new job the day after tomorrow. You have a movie, or a TV show, or something coming up that you have to fly too. You are going to be kept so busy you aren’t even going to wonder about me. I think this time away from each other will show you that.” Your eyes close as you yawn. “You’ll see.” Within a few seconds you’re out cold.

The tears escape Tom’s eyes as he looks at you, a knot in his throat wishing that he could have spoken to you some more. Made you understand that he didn’t just want a broodmare. You meant more to him than that. He shakes his head and leans down kissing you softly before pulling the cover up over you and turning the light by your bed off to let you rest.

Tom could have left. He could have locked up and drove home. Instead, he chooses to take a shower. Running the water as hot as it would go, he let's it pound against his head and neck then run down his back. Memories of that first morning shower you took tug at him.

You fought so hard against him, against loving him. And he fought so hard to get you to see him, to see he cared. He wasn't a quitter.

Long after he was clean, he stood under the spray. Every moment you'd spent together. He finally steps out after the water grows cold.

He pulls on a pair of sweats that he'd left there. He wants nothing more than to curl his body around yours. But in your medicated sleep, would you know he was there? Would you feel him? He cared deeply for you. But maybe you were right. He stretched out on your couch, pulling the quilt off the back. He wanted to be here in the morning when you woke. You had a lot to talk about.

Tom woke up before you, but given the amount of sedative you'd given yourself, it wasn't surprising. You were curled up facing the empty side of the bed and he climbed in with you. He reached out to stroke your hair. You were so peaceful in your sleep. And he didn't get much of his own last night. He turned over everything in his brain- how he felt about you, what you had told him about having children, how he felt about wanting little ones of his own. But he kept coming back to the same conclusion. No matter how Tom started, the ending was always the same in his mind.

He ran a hand through your wild morning hair and smiled. Even in your current state, you looked incredible to him. You stirred awake slowly, stretching out and moaning. He smiled as you cracked your eyes open. "I'm starting to think you're a bad penny," you joked, your voice still crackly from sleep. He chuckled and ran his hand across your back. You closed your eyes again at the sensation. No matter how hard you tried, the feel of his skin always gave you good chills.

"You stayed with me?" "Of course. I wanted to be here with you on your last day," Tom answered. You nodded slowly. "Thank you. for taking care of me last night. I know it was probably awful, and I'm sorry," you apologize. You felt terrible about the whole evening. He smiled and shook his head at you. "My darling girl, when will you understand? I would never leave you like that, ever." His own voice was deep and sleepy. You reached out to stroke his face with your fingertips. It was very clear to you, even before you were really awake, that he had something to tell you. You could see it in his eyes.

"I wish I had met you before Michael. Really."

Tom was still looking for the words to tell you what he figured out in the wee hours of the morning. And finally it came to him as he lay there with you.

"I've been up almost the entire night thinking. About you, and me...us. About what you've said about having children and wanting them, and wanting them myself. And about how I've felt the last couple months. About how *you've* made me feel," Tom confessed slowly. "'Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove. O no, it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken.'"

You looked at him with a little confusion. "Sweetheart, what are you talking about? Why are you quoting Shakespeare to me?" It was evident your early morning brain lag was in full gear. But he continued, and what he said wrenched your heart more than anything you'd ever heard. "Darling, I don't care if you are able to give me twenty children or none, I love you. And I will do whatever I have to do, for as long as I have to do it, to be with you. I know you still dream about it. And we'll figure out what to do when the time comes. A surrogate, adoption, whatever it takes. I'll do anything it takes to make your dream come true."

The tears stung your eyes. Tom began to cry as well, his eyes filling slowly before overflowing. He continued, 'I've gone over it a million times in my head, and in all the scenarios and all the possibilities, nothing was as incredible and worthwhile as being with you." You laughed a moment before saying, "You really are a masochist, aren't you?"

"Maybe. But I want to be your masochist. And so I'm not going anywhere." He stroked your hair, tucking it behind your ear. You got sad suddenly, remembering what tomorrow held for you. "I am, though. I have to." He stilled. Looking more than a little pained. "So, you are going, then?"

"I have to. If I don't, it'll be another thing in my life I've run away from. I can't keep doing that, Tom, you know that." He lowered his eyes from yours. The little ball of anxiety in his stomach reappeared, but you reached out and cupped his cheek. He pulled his eyes back to you, and you reminded him, "We still have today." "Can we make it worth a year?" he asked. "We can try, darling. What did you have in mind?"

You smile a little bit, “You’re going to think it’s really really dumb.”

He shakes his head, “No, I won’t. Anything you want darling, anything in the world.”

That afternoon the two of you sit on the edge of a riverbank having cast lines into the water. Every once in a while Tom looks over you at you and smiles shaking his head slightly. “What?” You question.

“Never would have thought this was on your list of things you actually like to do. Never.” He says with a grin.

“Are you kidding? One of my favorite past times.” You motion around you, “We are completely alone and cut off from civilization, it’s a beautiful day, we’ve got a picnic lunch, and we’re fishing. Perfect.” You reel in your line before casting it out in the water again returning it to the holder. “The one thing I like better is deep sea fishing. Except for this one time I went that was like a day after this huge storm. I have never vomited so hard or so many times in my life.”

“With Michael?” He asks.

“No. With my brother.” You say leaning back crossing your ankles as you lay back on your elbows stretching out in the sun a little.

“You have a brother?” He says surprised as you had never mentioned him before.

“Yes. He lives in the US with his wife. I haven’t seen him in quite a while. After he got married, and I got married . . . we sort of drifted apart. Michael and I moved away first, because of our jobs. Then he and his wife moved because they wanted to be closer to her family. Then we just . . . kind of lost touch. It was strange because we were the best friends in the world growing up. We both married very strange and different people. Very self centered people. It’s hard to reach one another when other people are pulling you away.” You say softly not having talked to your brother in almost two years.

“I’m sorry.” He says seeing the look in your eyes.

You half laugh and shake your head, “Good God, every time I open my mouth I’ve got another sob story just leaping out.” You look over to him, “I am your polar opposite Tom. You are pure sunshine and light, and I’m darkness and rain. Don’t you ever get tired of my mere presence just sucking the joy out of everything around me?”

Tom made sure his rod was secure in the holder before moving closer to you on the blanket resting his hand on your abdomen. “No. I don’t see you that way. Weather you believe it or not, just being around you makes me happy.” He takes your hand bringing it to his lips kissing it gently before looking into your eyes once more.

“I know.” You say softly still not entirely certain how to react or deal with his looking at you that way. The shine in his eyes, the gentle tenderness in his touch.

"There's one more thing I wanted to do today, if that's all right," you say after a while. You had packed up the basket, and considered the fishing a wash, as you hadn't caught anything.

It was still everything you wanted it to be. "Of course darling, anything you want. What is it?" You start to play with your hands like a little girl, excited at what you had planned. "Well...I've never been up in The Eye," you confess.

Tom's eyes widen and a smile spreads across his face. "You're kidding, right? You've never seen London from The Eye? The enormous ferris wheel just blocks from your flat?" You make a silly guilty face as he laughs. "You really have been kept busy the last few years, haven't you?" he questions. You shrug and smile. "Well, if that's where you want to go, then that's where we shall go," Tom agrees.

You dress for dinner back at your place, having only a few things left unpacked. You hadn't been able to break your lease or find a sublet in such a short period of time, but you figured out how to make it work with your budget. It's not like you were planning on spending much in Africa. "Tom, are you sure you don't mind looking in on the place while I'm gone? I know it's probably going to be such hassle, I can get someone from work if--"

"Love, it's fine, really. I would love to do it. It might make the year pass a little easier to know I can come and look after you even if you're not here."

"Are you sure? What about your filming? You might not be here for long, and I don't want you to--" you rambled before Tom came to you and pulled you in for a deep kiss. It was an absolute affirmation from him.

He broke the kiss and whispered in your ear, "I don't mind one single, little bit, darling." You blushed at him. How did he do that? It was no wonder he had hordes of fangirls.

The two of you went around the corner for dinner to the same restaurant you met Chris and Jaimie at only a few weeks ago. You talked about your assignment- the Central African Republic. Tom begged you every few minutes, "Please be careful, darling. That can be a very dangerous area."

"I will, Tom, I will. We'll be fine- the residents there have the same respect for us as they do for Unicef. And you know what that's like." Tom nodded, recalling his own trip to Guinea. As dinner winds down, you get more and more excited to get to your next stop. You practically leap out of your chair as Tom signs the check and he follows after you, so glad to see you excited and happy. The two of you walking as fast as you can toward it, you're almost having to run to keep up with him. "Tom, slow down! I can't keep up with you and your mile-long legs!" He laughs and reaches for your hand as you both start to speed up as you get closer.

It was almost too good to be true- as you climb into your car with Tom, it's entirely empty. "We have the whole car to ourselves? This is amazing!" you exclaim. Tom slides his hands around you and says,

"Well, I wanted your fist time here to be perfect." You lean back and look at him.

"You set this up, didn't you?" Tom smiles sheepishly and looks down away from you. All you can do is sigh. "What am I going to do with you?"

He laughs lightly and kisses your forehead. "Anything you want to, darling."

You walk in circles around the car, just staring out into the scene before you. London is lit up like a Christmas tree all around you, and you fall silent. Big Ben stands tall and proud next to the Parliament building. You can see Tower Bridge in the distance. It is without a doubt, one of the most beautiful things you'd ever seen. You hear Tom's footsteps come up behind you, and he wraps his arms around you, pulling you close. He rests his chin on the top of your head. After a moment, he looses an arm and reaches into his pocket. "I want to remember this moment with you."

He pulls his cell phone out and flips the camera on. "What are you doing?" you almost laugh. "Smile darling," he says with hardly any warning, and snaps a picture. You can only laugh. He slides the camera to video mode and hits the red button. "What are you doing, you silly man?" you ask and giggle. He turns his head to look at you and respond and says, "What does it look like? I want to make a video of this silly moment of us, now cooperate!" He laughs loudly. You begin to giggle and can't stop. "Come on, look at the camera! Now, what's today?" "Saturday, the twentieth of June." "And where are we?" "The London Eye," you play along. "And what happens tomorrow?" Tom says dropping a bit of the play attitude. You answer in response with a bit of somberness yourself, "I leave for one year of work with Doctors Without Borders to Central Africa." You bite your cheek to keep from crying. Tom continues, "And who is massively proud of you? Hmm? And who loves you more than anything else in the world and will be counting the days til you return, no matter where he is filming or doing research for a part or reading a script?"

You feel your cheeks get hot as you blush harder than you probably ever have. You whisper out, "You." Tom kisses your temple fiercely then says, "That's right. Me. Because you are the most singular woman I have ever met and I love you." You turn your head to meet his and he captures your lips. It's sweet and full of longing. He slides his tongue along your lips and you give him access. He always tastes amazing. The kiss deepens before you realize he's still filming, until he slowly breaks away, inhaling you. He swallows hard and breathes deeply as you tell him, "I love you, too."

You should have slept. You should have gotten one more good night's sleep before leaving. But spending your last night with Tom in his eager and passionate embrace was a much better decision.  
He'd driven you to the airport. He stands with you while you wait for your boarding call. Every few minutes, he pulls you in to a deep kiss, stealing your breath. Every time you open your eyes, he's smiling at you. His eyes are shining but he resolves not to cry.

Your boarding call comes across the PA. "Well. That's me."

Tom pulls you into his arms and into a kiss you feel down into your toes. "I love you. Don't forget that."

"I love you. We'll be so busy this next year will fly by." Your voice chokes. He cups your face with his hands, his thumbs caressing your cheeks. You hike your carry-on higher on your shoulder. He opens his hands and let's you go. He wants so desperately for you to give in and stay but he wants you happy more than anything. He watches you down the concourse until he can't see you anymore.

Your heart clinches when you look back. He's trying to maintain a neutral face, and failing. His face is scrunched up. You take a deep breath and hand the flight attendant your boarding pass. This is it. You're really doing it. Will you feel the same about him after the year is up? Will you be willing to try to give him what he wants? Only time will tell. This is something your heart needs to do before you can give it to him. You feel lighter and more sure that you've made the right decision with each step you take toward your future.

 

The End

(Epilogue --> )


	7. Epilogue

One Year Later

You step off the plane and make your way up the gangway, not quite knowing what to expect. It had been almost three months since you'd been able to Skype with Tom, and he didn't sound so convincing when he told you he loved you. As you came out of the tunnel, there was no one there holding a card with your name. As much as you didn't want to admit it, you expected it. You made your way to baggage claim, got your luggage, and hailed a cab.

On the ride back to your apartment, you thought about everything you'd experienced the last year. You had become part of people's lives in Africa- you'd vaccinated children against disease, you'd saved children from the brink of starvation, you'd educated mothers on how to take better care of themselves. You would never forget one experience in particular, though. One of the older women in the village, Lesedi, was your patient one day. As you cared for her, she kept her eyes on you. But not like she was wary of you or what you were doing- she was almost searching you for something. Finally at the end of your meeting, she said in broken English, "Something heavy on you, child. Why?" You stopped and wrinkled your brow. "Heavy on me? What do you mean?"

"You have weight here," she explained as she touched your chest over your heart. "That is why you come?"

You gasped quietly and stilled. No one in your camp knew much of your past, just that you were a good nurse. How would this woman know the first thing about you? But she continued, "I feel the weight on you. You carry too much. One day you miss something because you do not put weight down." Her words struck you, and you blinked and uttered, "How...?" Lesedi patted your hand. "You can always put weight down. Maybe pick up later, but maybe not."

You thought about her often. And her words to you. You hoped and prayed it wasn't too late to put your weight down, as she said. The cab stopped in front of your building. You hadn't even realized you were here already. As you unloaded your bags from the trunk and paid the driver, you searched the lot for Tom's Jag. You didn't see it. Part of you didn't look very hard because you didn't think you'd see it anyway. You trudged up the steps to your door, digging for your keys. Unlocking the door, you opened it wide and the familiar scent of Code Black wafted over to you. It must have been a remnant from your night together, just before you left, you thought. You carry your bags to your room and as you come out, something catches your eye. Movement on your balcony. You freeze. It would be your luck you get home just in time to catch someone robbing what little you had left in your apartment. Your breath quickened as you took a small step forward, and look out the back door.

You had no reason to worry, though. Taking a drink from a tumbler half-filled with Jameson, is Tom. Looking out over the skyline, he sits in one of your deck chairs, his legs sprawled wide. You can see his profile- face drawn, eyes down and more than a little sad. You blink hard, making sure you're not just imagining what's happening. But he was still there after you opened your eyes. You draw a breath and whisper, "Tom..."

His head whips around at the sound of your voice. He almost drops his glass as you step towards him. He leaps from the chair and rushes to meet you. Without warning, he grabs your face and crushes your lips with his. It's full of longing and desperation and love and missing you. You snake your hands between the two of you and slide them up his chest and around his shoulders. He grabs you around the waist and picks you up, refusing to break the kiss. He needs you, and he needs this. And so do you. You wrap your legs around him and he slides his hands around to rest on your bum. He accidentally breaks the kiss as he stumbles backward and into a wall. You rest your foreheads against each other and catch your breath.

"You- you came back. You're back, you're here again," he stutters out.

You let out a small laugh. "Of course I did. Where else would I go?" you say as you look down to him. The tears in his eyes spill over as he looks up at you. "Don't cry, ducky, don't cry...it's all right. I'm home." Tom shakes his head as you cup his face to wipe his tears away. Tom struggles to find words, to give voice to the million thoughts running through his head, but he can't seem to find it. Instead, he kisses you. He kisses you like he's dreamed about for the last year, the thoughts that have kept him awake at night by himself. The thoughts that he used to comfort himself when you weren't there to take care of it for him. He moves from the wall and further into your apartment, walking towards your bedroom door. You watch the light change through your eyelids as he kicks the door closed behind him. And you know what's coming next. This moment kept you going yourself for the last year. And finally, every one of your hesitations, every one of your insecurities and every ounce of your imagined frailties melted away. You were more than 100% certain this is where you wanted and deserved to be.


End file.
